Can you change a Change it woman that was on the street for seven years she lies to me she cheats on me and she steals from me everybody tells me to leave her alone but I just love her so much I don’t know what to do and she knows that she takes advantage me all the time she talks crap about me and does not respect me at all but I am over heels over her
She cheated on me this morning as we speak what can I do please help?
East Mesa

you have a tough call to make ...
seems love is a one way street ...so that alone should be enough to make the right decision.

I dunno.

You've been on a dating site for ten days now.
You're complaining that "she" cheated on you this morning.

Seems both of you need to grow up.

She is the same as everyone else, only, without a home.
So maybe she does all those things you do not like, to survive?
Why not try getting her some help, find a place to live,
a job, less romance, more..food.

Most who choose poorly suffer from stress and discontentment.
You really should examine exactly what it is that you love about her and question if she loves you back.
Shes probably not a puppy you can train to love you back.

Then there is the possibility she doesn't want to change.
Like so many people, she may be set in her ways and could possibly even resent the love you show her.
Some people are just not 'wired' for wisdom.
No matter how hard you try, you may not be able to change her.
Then what will you do, after spending all that time and energy on someone who doesn't love you back?

Part of growing up means realizing you can't MAKE someone else love you.
One sided love never seems to work. Stop clinging to your own desires and make the right decision for you in the long run.

Find your own self-esteem and make wiser choices and this choice will be clear.
I've seen your situation and it always ends in misery. She will use you up then leave you. Love is not supposed to hurt.

Being on a dating site its likely you are using this as a ploy to gain sympathy from other women. Hosting a pity party will not get you someone who will truly love you for being you. This makes you look weak and powerless.
If you are weak and powerless perhaps you should step back and examine yourself before you enter a dating pool.

Bite the bullet, grow someballs and start making better decisions so you gain control of yourself. Stop being a little boy. That is unless you like the image of someone crying in their beer.

Choose Wisely

^^^^^^^
Yup, this.

The people here are way too nice. Grow a set already!@!@!!

You've GOT to be kidding! Geez

Good day Mikie you can't help someone that dosen't want to be helped, HONEY your crushing for a bruising, I've seen it meny TIMES from my lighthouse, Coldersky minus the halo,🖐

we have to practice tough love with everyone especially loved

ones.......what behavior WE except and what behavior WE do not

except and what WE reinforce....''TEACHES PEOPLE

HOW TO TREAT US''...... SOUNDS LIKE OEDIPUS DRAMA......WE REALLY

DO TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US,,,,YOU HAVE TO CHANGE FIRST, YOU

MAY VERY WELL BE AN ENABLER.....IF YOU STEP BACK AND GET OUT OF

THE SURFACE NOISE OF THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WILL SEE MORE

CLEARLY....

Drag her to Church!

Set up meetings with Clergyman of YOUR inclination for the three of YOU and her alone with clergy.

She needs to know that ongoing perpetual sin is not particularly forgivable by GOD OR by YOU.

Her destiny is GOD's WILL.

If she remains on the dark path.....Son....YOU need to EXIT HER PATH.

Two things come to mind:

1. This is a person who lived on the street. She was literally in survival mode for 7 years. Think about Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Your need for relationships becomes secondary until your physiological and safety needs are met. You're not going to prioritize relationships if you're hungry or don't have a roof over your head. That doesn't suddenly go away without intense therapy. Furthermore, her self-esteem was probably shredded from living like that. Many people with low self-esteem try to feel better by seeing if members of the opposite sex find them attractive. My guess is that she probably won't change.



2. You need to do some self-reflecting and see why you're willing to put up with her treating you this way. You know she's doing it, and you know it hurts you. But why are you allowing her to hurt you? Look into Codependency and see if you fall into that category. If yes, there's a lot of literature about it, and there are 12-step CoDA meetings you can attend either in person or on Zoom. Work on you. When you feel better about yourself, you'll likely find the strength to end the relationship.

Good luck!

very good, i like what you had to say.........you are correct

about how he feels about himself.....everything is about our

opinion of ourselves and others.....like i am o.k., your o.k. the

four o.k. life positions....people get so wrapped up in feelings

and the surface noise that it can be really hard to see how they

are contributing to the relationship......

Generally speaking, you cannot change someone else. They have to change themselves.

Sounds like you feel in love with a prostitute, she is using you, you are using her, but you need to separate business and pleasure.

It's easy to take somebody out of the ghetto, it's hard to take the ghetto out of somebody.

What should you do???? Move to West Mesa and do not give her your
new address.

What exactly do you love about her Mike ?!! Clearly it is not her toxic behaviour .

Are you in a committed relationship with her ?? Have you asked her how she feels about you ??

Unrequited love is heartbreaking . You deserve better than that

This is One Way Ticket to the Moon .

No- you can't change anyone -though you might have an effect on their wanting to change.
Her behavior may also put you at risk in various ways.
You can love someone without being too involved in the wrong ways.
Not sure what you want, but ...If the way it is now is enough for you -that is up to you. Accept what is.
If not -move on.