Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
My boss instructed me to set up the company’s 401K.
I told her I don’t think anyone on the team can run that far.
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about it.
What did the duck say as he was buying chapstick?
Just put it on my bill.
What do you call a dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why can’t dogs operate MRI machines?
I don’t know, but catscan.
What do bees chew?
Bumble gum.
What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?
Briefs.

FUNNY
JulieABush

Hahahaha,thats funny Julie

All the jokes I tell come in my e-mail by Funny Editor.
What is the definition of a Robin?
A bird who steals.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish .
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
At the local second hand store.
Why are baseball games at night?
The bats sleep during the day.

funny

Rob in

FUNNY

What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing. It just waved.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
It was outstanding in its field.
What does a cat go to sleep on?
A caterpillow.
What do clouds do as soon as they make money?
Make it rain.
What did the shower say to the toilet?
You look a bit flushed.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
Irrelephant.
What do you call a robot that takes the long way?
R2 detour.
What kind of car does a chicken have?
A coop.
Where did the boat go when it was sick?
The boat doc.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaf clover?
You shouldn’t press your luck.
How is a sofa like a Thanksgiving turkey?
Because they’re both full of stuffing.

hahaha,kip it coming Julie.

N+ Ice = Nice ..

GOOD

Why should you not pamper a cow?
You’ll get spoiled milk.
What is a sea monster’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Where do polar bears store their money?
In a snow bank.
How often should you make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.
What bee is good for your health?
Vitamin bee.
What do you call a parrot making fun of you?
A mockingbird.
What do you call an animal pop star?
Justin Beaver.
What is Homer Simpson’s favorite ice cream?
Chocolate chip cookie DOH.

Wow Julie....funny,kip it coming

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested.

She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dresses and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by

saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !!!...

To whom do fish go to borrow money?
The loan shark.

What’s the king of all school supplies?
The ruler.

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
All sorts of antics.

What does a lion call an antelope?
Fast food.

How can you write 4 in between 5.?