FUNNY

I was looking into a television,
starring a sexy boomastiv models,
suddenly the antiseptic advertising appeared,
the Dettol cast Aunty saying,
Germ's are everywhere.

FUNNY

I was also late in marriage occasions,
unfortunate they got married happily

Best Wishes

Hi Cloudy

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"
Unknown author

FUNNY

Funny 1 and 3 .

Enjoy,Robin,
Laugh along Julie ,enjoy🥰

Making a baby.

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny !--

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'ࠠ

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'ࠠ

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'ࠠ

'Have you really ?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty ?'ࠠ

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start ?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor ? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me !'ࠠ

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.

'My,that's a lot !', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'ࠠ

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.ࠠ

'Oh, my God !' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult ?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep ?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'ࠠ

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh....equipment ?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs Smith fainted....

poor lady

Way too funny .

Last Friday, I took a guest to Sagar Ratna Restaurant. I noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

I looked around and saw all the waiters had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came I inquired, "Why do you place the spoon in your pocket?"

He explained, "The boss hired McKinsey Consulting to reengineer our processes. They discovered the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. Approximately 3 spoons per table per hour are dropped. If our staff carry spoons, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare one.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's zip. Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their zips. I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, can you tell me why you have that string there?"

Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. McKinsey also suggested we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our manhood, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 45%."

I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

He whispered, "Mckinsey didn't mention that in report, so, "We use the spoon."

FUNNY

A teacher is teaching a class and she
sees that Johnny isn't paying
attention, so she asks him, "If there
are three ducks sitting on a fence,
and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The
teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says,
"Because the shot scared them all
off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I
like how you're thinking." Johnny
asks the teacher, "If you see three
women walking out of an ice cream
parlor, one is licking her ice cream,
one is sucking her ice cream, and
one is biting her ice cream, which
one is married?" The teacher says,
"The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the
wedding ring, but I like how you're
thinking!"
ccto

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain.. She can't speak Spanish.. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime.. One day she wanted to buy banana.. So She took her husband to the shop.. (dont laugh listen Dirty minds) Because her husband speaks Spanish very well.

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes."

"I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth,
bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge.

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age it isn't anything we haven't seen before."

"Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!"🤣🤣🤣

FUNNY

Men will be Mens

Rest Two Jokes (Teacher & Nurses)
Both Naughty
FUNNY