My uncle has a friend they call him 18 months, he has 1 ear and a half.

My uncle has a friend they call him 18 months, he has 1 ear and a half.

Husband to Wife :: Nowadays, You don't Love me at All.
Wife to Hus;;;; How did you Know that.?
Hus to Wife ":::: Thru Your Eyes and Your Smile.
Wife to Hus :::::Angrily , Pointing out towards their Five ( 5 ) cute children's ?
Do you Think I Download all of these from Google ??????????????

At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard, with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.

He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable”.

"That's correct”, said the boss.

Another glass:

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results”.
"Correct”.

A third glass:

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and - if I don't get the job - I'll name the father”.

NEVER MESS WITH MY GRANDMA

An old lady calls 911 late one night…

The dispatcher answers, “911, what is your emergency?”

“There appears to be two(2) men rummaging through my shed.”

“A breaking and entering? We’ll have an officer over in an hour.”

“An hour? But they won’t be here in an hour. They’re breaking and entering now.”

“Ma’am, no officers are available right now. We’ll send a squad car by in an hour.”

The old lady hangs up, then calls back a few minutes later.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“I’m the lady who called about the two men breaking into my shed. You don’t have to send anyone. I shot them.”

Within a few minutes, there are police all over her yard. The men are apprehended, and the commanding-officer-on-scene goes up to take the woman’s statement.

“One other thing Ma'am… I thought you told the 911 dispatcher that you had shot the men?”

“And I thought the 911 dispatcher had told me that there were no officers available.” 藍

LESSON : Be smart and cunning. Sometimes, you have to make up some story in case of an emergency.

(ctto) #good day..

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours"

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies,
I don't have to. My mom is a good cook."

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?

This is the best one.
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to
touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek,
then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better
at it, isn't he ?"

藍

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitating, she went to him and said.... "you look cute, I like you" the man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulders and said my dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing, you're too young to be behaving like this. please go home and study hard so that you can have a successful life he then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said... I have written some words of wisdom and religious verses for you, read them before you go to sleep. God loves you. and he walks away, she went back to her hustle in shame and guilt before she sleeps she opened the paper and read and it was.... are you blind? my wife was standing behind me.

this is my number, call me. anyway I love you too.

藍藍 The ending was..... An absolute magic

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your trouser pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse ... phoned'