Hey Yall
Just jump on in
Whoever thinks they have something funny just let it rip.
All jokes welcome,just make us laugh

A True Redneck - this isn't your typical redneck joke.

It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, country, and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those.
You might be a redneck if:

It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a redneck if:
You've never protested about seeing the Ten Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if:
You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a redneck if:
You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if:
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if:
You treat all veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if:
You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a redneck if:
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if:
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if:
You'd give your last dollar to a friend..

Damn Im a red neck

Im a REDNECK darn it

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, ''Where did you get that?''
The pig says, ''I won her in a raffle!''

If you have ever bathed with flea & tick soap.

If your screen door has no screen

If you have a house that's mobile and fourteen cars that are not.

If people ask for permission to hunt in your front yard

If you put out pickled eggs and beer for Santa.

If your grandmother has ever been kicked out of bingo night for her language.
If You've ever used lard in bed

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two @ssholes."

"What? He had two @ssholes?!" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two @ssholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two @ssholes.'

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said, "Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL... YEE HAWWWW!

LITTLE JOHNNY

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten bu ttons, but her t*ts are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher cried.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and
finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Hey laura , darlin you did a gteat job..... Sory it took so long at work...Now 330 AM east coast , just gettin in...


Travelin' salesmsn car breaks down way out in nowhwere land. He finaly gets to this farm house for some help. Farmer says he'll take him into town in the mornin' & he's welcome to stay the night, but he'd have to spend the night with his son. Salesman say "exuse me farmer, I'm in the wrong joke!!"

so spelin's off & I punched a couple wrong keys....

I SAID IT WAS 3:30 AM OUT HERE....

no Problem Hun, had fun!

just got bored and posted a poem "have you ever"
its about my life

cool I'll have to check it out...... then I gotta hit the bunk .... good night see you 2morrow

nite Dear

nite darlin'...........


You might be a Redneck if your John Deere is up on blocks

















in front of your MOBILE HOME........ DCRDNK..... 10/18/07

You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."

I think I been thar

Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?







Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!