bully: a blustering browbeating person; especially : one habitually cruel to others who are weaker


I Agree. I Have never 'bullied' anyone. There is no cruelty towards my kids or anyone else.

there can be no positive without negative, its about balance,,,

our jails are too overstuffed with people that are used to doing whatver they want,,lol

most police wont do anything to parents disciplining their kids, unless the kid has actually been HURT,, (that doesnt include hurt feelings)

,,as I believe it should be

but on the ironic side,, it would also be quite dull to lock up loving parents because they smacked a bum a few times out of concern for children whose best possibility from that point is to go through a child factory and a series of homes where they may or may not be loved or cared after,,,,

but, anything to drive home a politically correct point I suppose

Im glad we are still free from government dictating how we raise our kids here,,,

Read up about it? I know people who are decent people, but who spanked their children and got charged for it! Then the social workers get involved and the family is thrown into chaos!

Even though my daughters father is british and never mentioned it, I have no reason to second guess you.

and yes, it seems a ridiculous and extreme reaction that does more harm than good,,,

To get positive results the negative would need to be downplayed and the positive rewarded.

I agree. But downplayed doesnt mean ignored. The positive side should absolutely be much longer and more often than the negative side. But both are necessary for a balance. I reinforce my kids more times in a day than I have spanked them in their whole lifetime. But I would go to jail if someone made a law against it and they did something that crossed our boundaries for that consequence.

Would you go to jail or would you follow the law?

the laws are different in different countries.

I've worked with our local school district in conjunction with the law enforcement liaison and CPS (child protective services).

our local law states that spanking as discipline is acceptable as long as it's open hand and doesn't leave marks.

charges against abusive parents get filed when there is open skin, bruising or other signs of damage.

on the flip side. when a child is deemed out of control because of permissive parenting, a parent has to attend parents classes and learn to establish boundaries that work for their child or they can also face legal consequences for their child's actions.


I will share personal family history and let others determine what works.
we were spanked as kids. more than spanked, we got some major azz whippings. what we learned was respect. yes, there was fear involved.
we learned to behave and do well at school because to be disrespectful or do poorly would bring us bigger consequences at home. as a result we excelled in our studies and now are bilingual and biliterate.

we have 2 young men in our family who are now 25.
my nephew was raised with boundaries, expectations and consequences which sometimes did include getting spanked. for a variety of reasons he lived with my mom and me for a decade. people thought he was my kid. his dad wasn't much in the picture.
I didn't allow him to wander the streets or go hang out with kids whose family I didn't know. when in 7th and 8th grade he went to the school where I worked, he didn't get extra privileges because of my being there. he's now 25, living on his own, a responsible young man who works, pays his bills and still finds opportunities to travel.

his cousin, my cousin's kid, both parents married to each other they used to think I was too hard on my nephew. I should give him more freedom. I should let him explore.
they didn't believe in spanking. when their son would get in trouble at school, it was everyone's fault but their son.

when their son and my nephew were both in 8th grade, they and several other boys did something stupid at school for which they could be cited by our local police officer.
our school officer was a buddy of mine and he asked me if I wanted him to give my nephew and my cousins kid a break or scare the hell out of them.
I said scare the hell out of them so hopefully they won't be riding in the back of your patrol car anytime soon.
my nephew learned his lesson and also had a month worth of consequences at home (by then his consequence was no longer spanking). he didn't get in trouble with the law the rest of his school years and graduated in the honor roll group.

his cousin had different results from the same incident. my cousins got mad at me for not stepping in to defend the boys. they said the school and police officer were picking on their son and essentially gave their son the impression he was above consequences. he didn't make it through his 8th grade year without finding real trouble with the law.
he started high school but never finished because by then his parents were trying to correct their lack of parenting. at 25 he has carelessly fathered 2 children and done one year of jail time for whatever got him there.

his parents are raising his oldest daughter who is now 5. do they believe in spanking and discipline now? absolutely.

anyhow, good luck to everyone. this topic will go on because the debate has shifted from public scolding to spanking and many people are hearing only what they want to hear.

in the end, each parent is responsible for the morals and values they teach their child or lack thereof.
after a while society's laws will intervene

I would be in jail if all and any spanking were banned.

If there were conditions as dreamer mentioned where tearing skin and extremes of that nature were specified, I would be fine as I Have never caused physical damage as described.

But, I'm wondering if you would rather break the law and go to jail or stop spanking your child?

Id rather break the law leaving a learning impression of reality then leave my child with unrealistic expectations and set him/her up for how 'authorities' in the real world prefer to handle their indiscretions.

yes

Abuse, I think.

Parenting is what you do to your child when the public isn't watching.

Kids learn more anyway when you teach them one-on-one. Do you really think they will listen to you with everyone's eyes peering at them?

It's much wiser to discipline outside of the public arena.

I agree, depending upon developmental stage

there is always a nearby bathroom for younger ones

for tween and teen, appearances and image become more important and can be an important teacher in terms of consequences,,,, since spanking is no longer appropriate,,, corecting them immediately is more effective,,,,even in public, depending upon the severity of what they have done,,

If you want to go to jail, I want you to go to jail too. let's make it a law now, no spanking kids, then you can face your consequences. Then your kid won't be abused anymore and you will learn how to control yourself next time.

FFS so glad MsHarmony is so patient and eloquent. Can't say I would be the same

My kid is the model citizen. I wouldn't change a thing. Neither would he. I would hate to let him down by not teaching him. He might drink and drive or something else that could get him in trouble or worse...hurt or kill himself or others

Children are NOT on the same brain as adults. They don't have life experience and their brains aren't fully developed. Silly to think otherwise.

If others want to raise unruly brats,so be it. Don't expect society to tolerate it. My son is awesome and a great man. He debunks the stupid studies

Go for it. My kid would protest the whole way because she knows she is loved and taking her from where she is loved to be left with strangers who will get paid to possibly leave her to raise herself would be much worse than the few paddlings she may receive in a lifetime from those who sacrifice for , support, encourage, and love her.

the studies are about as accurate as the bell curve studies,, I wouldnt sweat it

they lump together ALL DEGREES of discipline that are physical and then try to make it directly about spanking alone,,,,

they neglect to publicize findings that children who feel LOVED And are spanked have no ill effect or trauma.

Parents should be sent to jail for this. But they aren't because bs generational culture provides them a flimsy excuse to get away with spanking their kids.

when parents go to jail for raising happy well adjusted kids,, we are all in trouble

and when kids are stripped from the home of loving parents because they got some swats on their well padded behinds,, the already damaged child factory (child protective and placement) is in trouble too,,
it would definitely be cutting off the nose to spite the face

actually they send them to jail when the parent is unfit to raise a child/or putting the child in harm's way. otherwise known as having their best interest at heart.

do you believe a child wants to be spanked/hit/yelled/screamed/jeered at? you're a weak parent if you answer yes.

i reckon they don't. nobody at any age wants to feel afraid or be physically hurt by another human being.