1 2 4 6 7 8 9 13 14
Topic: Why not sex on the first date?
no photo
Tue 01/15/13 01:45 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Tue 01/15/13 01:47 PM


Now for TexasScoundrel,

I think your username is probably very true. (Scoundrel from Texas.)

What about you makes you a desirable prospect for a woman anyway?

Your attitude is: "It's my way or the highway."

You do not compromise at all and you expect any woman to accept you exactly as you feel like being at the time. "Don't change the channel on my music, and don't touch my remote control. If there is anything you don't like about me or my home then there is the door.

You certainly are admittedly not a knight in shining armor, and would not lift a finger to help a damsel (or anyone) under attack, and you think a woman should not waste your time and/or money if she is not going to put out on the first 'date."

(To even call that a date is stretching it. What you want is to have sex and then kick her out of the truck.) What you want is a lot lizard or like you said before, an android wife who obeys your every command and does not talk back.

You have no roots, and you live on wheels, free as a breeze like a fly-by-night one night stand should be. drinker

So sex on the first date may be what you want, but you probably will have to pay for it. laugh

If anything I have said is not true, my apologies.:wink:


Well, this post is way out in the blue off topic. But,since it's directed at me I'll address it.

I think everything you said is true, but it's not it's not the complete picture. It's only what you've gleaned from these forums. I also have a fun, silly light hearted side that seldom comes out here.

I have no idea why any woman would want to go out with me. But, I never have trouble finding a date. So, I must have something going for me. But, this is no different than women.

Really, what does a woman have to offer a man that will make his life better other than sex? There was a time when a woman would wash a man's clothes, cook his food, clean his house and shine his shoes. But those days are over. Now he comes home to a dark house every night and cooks his own food. How is this any different than him being single?

I was married to a stay at home wife that still didn't clean the house! And if I asked about dinner she'd say "What am I? Your slave?" And she'd complain that I didn't help her out enough. When I lived alone, my house was clean. She thought I should make the living AND clean up after her.

Isn't it more honest to just be single and get together for sex when it's convenient for both?

I do have some roots. I still call the town I was born in home. My father still lives there and I see him every time I'm in town. My mother passed away a couple of years ago. She and my father were married for 60 years. Also my sons live there and I see them both at every opportunity.

I've never paid for sex and I'm a little insulted at the implication. I'm sure an insult was how you meant it, so give yourself a pat on the back. The greatest pleasure I derive from sex is pleasing my partner. Hookers are for the pleasure of the of the purchaser. So, me paying for sex would defeat the purpose of me having sex at all.

I don't like compromise. Compromising means neither partner is getting what they actually want. Compromise is a sad replacement for happiness in a relationship. The more compromising you have to do, the more likely it is you're with the wrong person.

Whether you care to admit it or not, there are women out there that abuse men. They take advantage of men by faining interest and trick these men into buying them gifts and dinners and paying their bills without ever having sex with them. I fell for it in my youth, but not anymore. I see women as equals in every way now. I wouldn't pay a man's rent for him, so why would I pay a woman's?

It's alright for a woman to insist on taking her time before investing sex in a relationship. That's just her protecting herself. But, if a man tries to protect himself from the attempts of a woman to get her hands on his assets or calls her out on her head games, he's a pig, a misogynist, a sexist or worse.

I guess I'm like a woman that's been tricked by a few "players." These women see players everywhere. I've been tricked by women, so now I see female trickery everywhere. Yes, I'm cynical.

Lastly, I don't want to kick her out. I want her to be independent. To have her own place and pay her own bills. I wouldn't expect her to support me and I won't support her. I've saved my money for my retirement and my sons. She can save hers or not. It's up to her and I don't care.

And the comment about the android was a joke.



Wow Texasscoundral if I were a man I would be very much like you. I have to say that because I agree with most of what you have said here. You are almost the male version of me.

I can look at myself (and I like myself) but if I were a man I would not want me for a wife. LOL

And that's as honest as it gets. :tongue: embarassed




Toodygirl5's photo
Tue 01/15/13 01:55 PM
I would not have sex on any first date. I want to know first, if there is a potential for a lasting relationship, that takes more than one date.

TexasScoundrel's photo
Tue 01/15/13 05:03 PM

Wow Texasscoundral if I were a man I would be very much like you. I have to say that because I agree with most of what you have said here. You are almost the male version of me.

I can look at myself (and I like myself) but if I were a man I would not want me for a wife. LOL

And that's as honest as it gets. :tongue: embarassed


Thanks for saying so. And sorry for the rant. Usually stuff like that goes into my blog where no one ever sees it.

Lyndy1970's photo
Tue 01/15/13 06:22 PM


I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?



A woman does know if there is chemistry enough and if they would say YES -- and within only a few seconds of meeting - this is TRUE.

She may want to put it off though, (if she is smart) until she learns a little about the consequences of that decision. In other words, she does not want to REGRET that decision later.

He could be a psycho. --and just because there is chemistry does not mean you should let nature take its course.

It is all too easy to get caught up with the intoxication of chemistry -- and if she has been drinking, judgement could be impaired. She could find out later that the guy is really a jerk, a loser, a psycho, or married, or some other turn off that would cause her to say.... oops, bad decision.

For some women, I'm sure there are always power plays. In fact, for many I think this is true.

But if a woman is looking to get laid, and there is chemistry, she might casually have sex with you. (If she does, I don't think she cares diddly about what you will "think" of her.)

If she seems to be keeping you guessing, then she is playing games. If she intends to say yes, you will know soon enough.







^^^^
This is one hell of a good, well rounded answer.....If all I want is a little bit of "strange"....and I am physically attracted to him...I'll go for it. But, if I've invested some time gettin to know the person BEFORE the first date, AND I'm physically attracted, I'm gonna wait, probably not very long, if he feels the same way and has shown it, but wait I shall.

josie68's photo
Tue 01/15/13 06:32 PM
I guess everyone has a different reason, but for me, I like to see their personality before their penis.

AndyBgood's photo
Tue 01/15/13 08:11 PM

I guess everyone has a different reason, but for me, I like to see their personality before their penis.




I can respect that a lot! God knows, what may look good on the outside may not be good inside in all reality!

Respect!!!

msharmony's photo
Tue 01/15/13 11:17 PM
the question was asked

Isn't it more honest to just be single and get together for sex when it's convenient for both?




honesty is whats important, IF all thats missing from ones life is sex,,and thats their only interest, its best to state so

but, just like some people want to be parents (though not nearly as much comes out of it 'for them' as is expected of them)


some people want someone to do the cooking and cleaning and babymaking and babysitting and laundry,,,

some people want someone to pay their bills

yet others, who are capable of doing all those things for themself, Still desire that partner/family with another person to go through their ups and downs with, to create and build things with, to confide in,,and to have the added factor of intimate and meaningful physical contact,etcc,,,,,



its all just personal taste and what we each seek,,,



mthom086's photo
Tue 01/15/13 11:43 PM

I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?


no way; because sex means something.

I dont know who the heck that person is; have they slept around; do they have an std or are they carrying a viral std that they dont know or are too dumb to know about it?

sex isn't a toy and we are not all dogs in heat. Love takes time and many are wanting love; sex is a part of that.

If both are just into sleeping around, or living a sleazy lifestyle and hooking up with who ever then that's their thing as long as it's consensual. But acting like something is wrong with someone because they wont jump into bed when you first meet is bizarre.

s1owhand's photo
Wed 01/16/13 12:19 AM

I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?


laugh

OK. I'll play.

I don't find in objectionable or sleazy if my "enamorata de soir" wants
to get randy and wild on the first date. It can be a tremendous
experience if it happens that way and the attraction is so strong. It
does not often happen to me anyway.

I can tell if there is enough chemistry and compatibility for sex on
the first date to not be a complete mistake.

On the other hand, even if there is a strong attraction, it has been
my experience that getting to know each other better only enhances
the sex and trying to hold off on sexual activities adds a degree of
tantric anticipation and excitement which can't be achieved any other
way. So the basic reason to hold off for me anyway is to deepen the
relationship and make everything about the experience of the other
person more meaningful, satisfying, exciting and ecstatic!

That said, there are exceptions. Exceptional exceptions. And, some
in my experience have launched long term relationships on the first
night. That is special too.

bigsmile

So...it is situational - be smart and don't drink and drive.

laugh

TexasScoundrel's photo
Wed 01/16/13 12:26 AM

the question was asked

Isn't it more honest to just be single and get together for sex when it's convenient for both?

honesty is whats important, IF all thats missing from ones life is sex,,and thats their only interest, its best to state so

but, just like some people want to be parents (though not nearly as much comes out of it 'for them' as is expected of them)

some people want someone to do the cooking and cleaning and babymaking and babysitting and laundry,,,

some people want someone to pay their bills

yet others, who are capable of doing all those things for themself, Still desire that partner/family with another person to go through their ups and downs with, to create and build things with, to confide in,,and to have the added factor of intimate and meaningful physical contact,etcc,,,,,

its all just personal taste and what we each seek,,,


I have found it to be more cost effective to outsource cooking, cleaning, babysitting and laundry. As for baby making, a man is probably better off hiring a surrogate than finding a wife and a woman going to a sperm bank.

Pay her bills in exchange for sex? That's prostitution.

You can have a partner and still not get married or even live together and risk everything you built already. This is not a man/woman thing. It's a money thing. If you have money and marry someone that doesn't you are giving them access to everything you've built. If one decides they want a new car they can get it on your credit! Then not pay for it and ruin that credit. And there's nothing you can do about it because denying them access to family funds is abuse. Putting them on an allowance is abuse.

I really don't see any good reason for two people to mix their personal assets. If there is one I'd like to hear it.

TexasScoundrel's photo
Wed 01/16/13 12:39 AM


I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?


no way; because sex means something.

I dont know who the heck that person is; have they slept around; do they have an std or are they carrying a viral std that they dont know or are too dumb to know about it?

sex isn't a toy and we are not all dogs in heat. Love takes time and many are wanting love; sex is a part of that.

If both are just into sleeping around, or living a sleazy lifestyle and hooking up with who ever then that's their thing as long as it's consensual. But acting like something is wrong with someone because they wont jump into bed when you first meet is bizarre.


You (and a lot of the others) are missing the point of the question. I'm not asking her to jump into bed before she's ready. I'm asking why, if she already knows she's going to sleep with him, does she put it off?

msharmony's photo
Wed 01/16/13 05:23 AM


the question was asked

Isn't it more honest to just be single and get together for sex when it's convenient for both?

honesty is whats important, IF all thats missing from ones life is sex,,and thats their only interest, its best to state so

but, just like some people want to be parents (though not nearly as much comes out of it 'for them' as is expected of them)

some people want someone to do the cooking and cleaning and babymaking and babysitting and laundry,,,

some people want someone to pay their bills

yet others, who are capable of doing all those things for themself, Still desire that partner/family with another person to go through their ups and downs with, to create and build things with, to confide in,,and to have the added factor of intimate and meaningful physical contact,etcc,,,,,

its all just personal taste and what we each seek,,,


I have found it to be more cost effective to outsource cooking, cleaning, babysitting and laundry. As for baby making, a man is probably better off hiring a surrogate than finding a wife and a woman going to a sperm bank.

Pay her bills in exchange for sex? That's prostitution.

You can have a partner and still not get married or even live together and risk everything you built already. This is not a man/woman thing. It's a money thing. If you have money and marry someone that doesn't you are giving them access to everything you've built. If one decides they want a new car they can get it on your credit! Then not pay for it and ruin that credit. And there's nothing you can do about it because denying them access to family funds is abuse. Putting them on an allowance is abuse.

I really don't see any good reason for two people to mix their personal assets. If there is one I'd like to hear it.




I dont quite understand how one comes to the conclusiion that hiring a babysitter,, which can START at 600 per month, (and that person has set hours as opposed to around the clock) , a cook, maids(which can be another 600 per month ) on TOP of the living expenses in the same home that one pays to live in alone,, is cheaper

and I think believing that merely having a baby made to take care of alone ends up being better than having a partner, is bizarre, but then I am an actual single parent who knows how much of a struggle it is to be all things to a child nature intends to be raised by two,,



but like I said, its all in a persons interests,,,if its all an analytical decision about money and sex,,,,than sure,, keep all my own money and just include sex when I feel like it

but I know for me, life is more than money and sex,, and its those other things in life that make marriage to the right person/partner/ friend appealing,,,

msharmony's photo
Wed 01/16/13 05:25 AM



I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?


no way; because sex means something.

I dont know who the heck that person is; have they slept around; do they have an std or are they carrying a viral std that they dont know or are too dumb to know about it?

sex isn't a toy and we are not all dogs in heat. Love takes time and many are wanting love; sex is a part of that.

If both are just into sleeping around, or living a sleazy lifestyle and hooking up with who ever then that's their thing as long as it's consensual. But acting like something is wrong with someone because they wont jump into bed when you first meet is bizarre.


You (and a lot of the others) are missing the point of the question. I'm not asking her to jump into bed before she's ready. I'm asking why, if she already knows she's going to sleep with him, does she put it off?



I dont know why she would. I have never had the experience where I know IM going to sleep with someone though. ITs something that takes time for me to put faith/trust, interest in.

Sex is one of those things in life, like a yacht, its beautiful and great to have, but Ive lived enough without to be eager to risk so much for it,,,



Traumer's photo
Wed 01/16/13 10:28 AM

if there is no sex on the first date there wont be a second date. That Is not me that Is my cousins philosophy.



I've heard some men say that there was no sex in their first marriage but hopefully there will be in their second...rofl

Traumer's photo
Wed 01/16/13 10:58 AM
Edited by Traumer on Wed 01/16/13 11:02 AM

Traumer's photo
Wed 01/16/13 11:01 AM



I don't get sexually involved with people I don't like. Personal choice I guess. I'm not saying 'love'. But if you share your body, you hope it's someone you can later share coffee with. And for the record I (and I think many women) don't have a predetermined timeline. But as far as meeting someone in a bar and going home with them . . . nope. As to an actual date, there are some people that you have an immediate connection to and some you don't. And some just make you wonder if they're playing a game.
Quoted from above poster



Bravo! I have always felt the same. Never could 'adjust' to sex on a so called 'first date' as it always turns out to be the last; and with basically a total stranger who may have who knows what STD's. It simply isn't worth the risks, nevermind any disappointments to ego or emotions. I learned long ago to not have sex as the focal point or goal. More so now, the company of someone that you find nice is first, if not better and if a sexual relationship naturally develops, then all the more joy with that person.think

Toodygirl5's photo
Wed 01/16/13 11:01 AM


I've read in this forum a number of times that women decide whether or not they want to have sex with a man within only a few seconds. If this is true, why would you want to put it off? Are you afraid he'll think poorly of you if you have sex too soon? That he won't respect you? Or is it some kind of power play/head game?


no way; because sex means something.

I dont know who the heck that person is; have they slept around; do they have an std or are they carrying a viral std that they dont know or are too dumb to know about it?

sex isn't a toy and we are not all dogs in heat. Love takes time and many are wanting love; sex is a part of that.

If both are just into sleeping around, or living a sleazy lifestyle and hooking up with who ever then that's their thing as long as it's consensual. But acting like something is wrong with someone because they wont jump into bed when you first meet is bizarre.



Good Response!!! :thumbsup:

galendgirl's photo
Wed 01/16/13 11:40 AM
Ya know, ANYBODY can have sex on a first date.

I'd like to suggest that it takes someone special to think they are more than the sum of their "parts" and someone special to be looking for more than their "parts."

So for those of you who won't go on a second date without sex on the first...is that all you think you have to offer? Is that all you care about in a mate - just the act of mating?

If you just want sex...okay, no problem and no judgment. You may or may not be interested in RELATIONSHIP which is more complex. But that isn't what everyone is looking for...



TawtStrat's photo
Wed 01/16/13 11:46 AM
Tex, you are a strange creature with all of this hippy free love but "keep your hands off my bread man" stuff. Some of us don't want to end up lonely old men though and some of us don't care that much about money.

You presumably don't mind paying for a date but you won't financially invest in a relationship? Well done for raising kids if their mother was as lazy and useless as you say that she was but that's a really tough gig and most people don't want to do it on their own. I have never been married but it is about sharing and working together if it's about anything. You had a bad relationship and have no concept of social justice, so everyone that needs a helping hand is a freeloader after your precious hard-earned dollars.

no photo
Wed 01/16/13 01:58 PM

Tex, you are a strange creature with all of this hippy free love but "keep your hands off my bread man" stuff. Some of us don't want to end up lonely old men though and some of us don't care that much about money.

You presumably don't mind paying for a date but you won't financially invest in a relationship? Well done for raising kids if their mother was as lazy and useless as you say that she was but that's a really tough gig and most people don't want to do it on their own. I have never been married but it is about sharing and working together if it's about anything. You had a bad relationship and have no concept of social justice, so everyone that needs a helping hand is a freeloader after your precious hard-earned dollars.



drinker drinker :thumbsup:

1 2 4 6 7 8 9 13 14