Topic: Why not sex on the first date?
teebee79's photo
Sat 01/19/13 01:57 PM

Are we still going here?

Well, I guess it isn't a BAD thing if a woman wants to polish my torpedo on the first date. Just don't assume I am going to take it to mean anything! But if the sex is all that don't be surprised if I call later to ask for seconds!

:banana:


OMG! I agree with Andy??!! huh And this is what I think MOST men are thinking which is why
No sex on the 1st date with a guy I Really Really like!

TexasScoundrel's photo
Sat 01/19/13 02:41 PM

That's the "more" you keep saying women want. Women have given you many reasons why they want a relationship, but you keep going back to the reasons you believe they want a relationship.


She has his love. She has his commitment. They are mutually exclusive. Other than access to a man's assets, what will she gain by marriage? Will he love her more? Will he be more committed? Will he be more exclusive? No. The only thing she gets by marriage is access to his assets.


It's always about money for you isn't it Tex. Yeah, probably most women are looking for marriage eventually or at least want a longterm relationship. A lot of men want that too. Women do have jobs and earn their own money these days and don't really need men to support them as you point out. I remember a conversation a woman started on another site where she said that her boyfriend was always giving her a hard time about buying new shoes all the time and she felt like that she had to smuggle them into the house so that he wouldn't moan about it. But she had a job and was using her own money.

You don't want to get married and you don't want a woman spending your money. Then don't get married or don't have a joint bank acount with someone. You say that you are happy to spend money on a date but you expect sex and then you go on about women being whores. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't. You must be trolling.


The point is IT SHOULDN'T BE ABOUT MONEY! It should be about a loving, caring relationship between two people. But, when marriage is brought into the picture it becomes about money because that's what marriages is. A merging of assets.

Think of it this way, if microsoft merged with Joe's one man tire shop Would Joe have as much control over the company assets as Bill Gates? Of course not. That wouldn't make any sense. But, when a man and woman merge, both people have equal access to all assets. Unless they both go in with equal assets AND both continue to contribute equally, someone's going to get screwed.

If she makes her own money, awesome! I'm sure she'd want to make sure no one else can take from her either. Why do you think rich people only marry other rich people? Consolidation of assets.

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 03:55 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Sat 01/19/13 03:56 PM
Texasscoundrel is right. Marriage is about assets. (That and having children.) But it is also about becoming connected as a legal family.

That means when he dies, you are responsible for getting him into the ground. It means when he is in a coma, you are the one who has the power to pull the plug or not. Your power in the relationship exceeds that of his or her own parents.

So think about that too, before you get married.

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 03:59 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Sat 01/19/13 04:05 PM
I needed a divorce in a bad way from my husband because being married, you will often collect the Karma and debts incurred by your spouse. There is a legal connection like a partnership going on. People are more careful about picking a business partner than about who they marry. Marriage is easier to get into than out of. It should never be entered into just for "love" which is often just temporary "infatuation."

There should probably always be a pre-nup because marriage is not about "love" it is about assets and business. It is a contract that involves THE STATE.



TexasScoundrel's photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:14 PM

Some women do want "more." So you first have to figure out what that "more" is.

If she is young, she may want marriage and children. If that is the case, she would not be too smart to just hook up with some looser who has no job, no business, no money, and no way to help her raise children. THAT is why women are interested in money and property. Because ultimately, the woman will get stuck with the children if the relationship does not work and she wants a HOUSE and a way to provide for them.

So she also wants a commitment and a man who is in it for the long haul.

That is "more."

Now for older women:

They don't usually want children or they already have them and they probably don't want to raise your children from another marriage.

They probably want companionship and some financial support. Women still don't make as much money as men do in this society in general. So if you expect her to provide sex and cooking and house "wifey" duties then you should provide financial support for her contribution. And she should contribute more than just sex, but she is not to be considered your maid, housekeeper, secretary and sex partner in exchange for room and board. She can get room and board plus a salary taking care of the elderly or being a maid and no sex is required.

But men should realize that women are not as excited about sex as you are and you are not doing them a favor providing your sexual services no matter how good you think you are, therefore they might have something you want and you are not 'entitled' to it just because she is dating you or even living with you.


If a woman wants children, she should wait to have them until she can afford to provide for them. Preventing pregnancy is not difficult and if it does happen by accident there are options.

I'm not saying companionship is wrong. On the contrary, it's what it's all about. But, her financial support should be her own responsibility. If women make less they should simply live smaller. That's what men that make less do. The details of why women make less is a topic for another thread. Suffice it to say there are valid reasons.

I'll do all my own cooking and clean up after myself and I'll expect the same from her.

It's been my experience that after a really good first date many women will practically rape a man. So, I do think women can be as excited about the prospect of sex as men.

Absolutely, if she doesn't want sex she has every right to say no. But, the question is why would she say no even when she DOES want sex?

TexasScoundrel's photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:17 PM

I needed a divorce in a bad way from my husband because being married, you will often collect the Karma and debts incurred by your spouse. There is a legal connection like a partnership going on. People are more careful about picking a business partner than about who they marry. Marriage is easier to get into than out of. It should never be entered into just for "love" which is often just temporary "infatuation."

There should probably always be a pre-nup because marriage is not about "love" it is about assets and business. It is a contract that involves THE STATE.


YES!

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:20 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Sat 01/19/13 04:25 PM
If a woman wants children, she should wait to have them until she can afford to provide for them. Preventing pregnancy is not difficult and if it does happen by accident there are options.


That is ridiculous.

First of all, the only way a woman could earn enough money to raise children on her own is to go to college for four or eight years and work as a professional, but then she will not have the time to raise children.

Or win the lottery.

News flash Texas, it normally takes two people to raise a family.

If a woman wants children she needs to find a responsible man who wants the same thing and is willing to share the responsibility.

If women waited until they could afford to raise children, none of us would have ever been born.




TexasScoundrel's photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:26 PM

If a woman wants children, she should wait to have them until she can afford to provide for them. Preventing pregnancy is not difficult and if it does happen by accident there are options.


That is ridiculous.

First of all, the only way a woman could earn enough money to raise children on her own is to go to college for four or eight years and work as a professional, but then she will not have the time to raise children.

News flash Texas, it take two people to raise a family.

If a woman wants children she needs to find a responsible man who want the same thing and is willing to share the responsibility.


I didn't say she should do it alone. I said she should be sure there are enough assets on hand before getting pregnant. At the very least she should discus it with the man before she gets pregnant. And if he say no, she should either accept it and remain childless or leave him and find another man.

There are still women that trap men this way.

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:32 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Sat 01/19/13 04:34 PM


If a woman wants children, she should wait to have them until she can afford to provide for them. Preventing pregnancy is not difficult and if it does happen by accident there are options.


That is ridiculous.

First of all, the only way a woman could earn enough money to raise children on her own is to go to college for four or eight years and work as a professional, but then she will not have the time to raise children.

News flash Texas, it take two people to raise a family.

If a woman wants children she needs to find a responsible man who want the same thing and is willing to share the responsibility.


I didn't say she should do it alone. I said she should be sure there are enough assets on hand before getting pregnant. At the very least she should discus it with the man before she gets pregnant. And if he say no, she should either accept it and remain childless or leave him and find another man.

There are still women that trap men this way.


True. But this is reality and you may as well say that everyone should always make the right decisions or that everyone should always be prepared and plan ahead. It just does not happen in reality.

People just have sex. Women get pregnant. Most people don't even think about what they are doing. Especially teens. frustrated

Then their mothers are stuck raising the grandchildren and the children are out doing drugs. slaphead

People can be so stupid. ohwell





no photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:41 PM
I didn't say she should do it alone. I said she should be sure there are enough assets on hand before getting pregnant.


People having sex don't usually plan on getting pregnant, and so they are not usually thinking about how much money they have on hand.

Protection does not always work. Some women can't take the pill. Some men don't want to use condoms and women are not fond of getting abortions either. And I doubt if anyone is thinking "Oh gee... I can't do this because I don't have enough assets on hand for a pregnancy."

Not saying its a bad idea, I'm just saying it doesn't happen that way.

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:44 PM
Edited by Jeanniebean on Sat 01/19/13 04:47 PM
At this point I can understand the Christian belief that sex should only take place for the purpose of procreation. Sex causes pregnancy, so if you don't want to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant, its best to be celibate.

Until of course you are past the fertile age then the only thing to worry about is catching some STD or having a heart attack. LOL

.:tongue:


markc48's photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:50 PM
Edited by markc48 on Sat 01/19/13 04:52 PM
Not. I'm 54 and sex on the first date is ok. second date ok third date ok pretty soon were having sex everyday and we might just as well live together. But were using protection cause we dont want any rug rats.

no photo
Sat 01/19/13 04:53 PM

Not. I'm 54 and sex on the first date is ok. second date ok third date ok pretty soon were having sex everyday and we might just as well live together.



If you live together, soon you will stop having sex because you will find out you don't like each other.

There is more to life than having sex everyday... for women at least.laugh laugh

markc48's photo
Sat 01/19/13 05:03 PM
Trust me I know like earning a living.

Solace84's photo
Sat 01/19/13 10:27 PM
Believe me your cousin dates cos of sex. I wonder!

unsure's photo
Sun 01/20/13 02:31 AM
Why can't you go out on a first date and have no stress? If I go out on a first date with someone, before I even meet them..I know that sex won't be part of the date. It is not a mind game I play, it is just a rule I have for myself.
If someone takes me out and expects me to have sex just because he bought my supper or took me to a movie...sorry dude you just took out the wrong lady. I want respect and I think I deserve respect.
I swear now a days people just have sex with just about anyone that will put out...this is mostly why I won't date. I just think men can be such pains and sometimes they don't take no as NO.
I once went out on a date with what I thought was a very nice guy, we went to dinner. I was very good friends with his cousin and she fixed us up. He asked me if he could call me again and I said please do. I was home for about 15 minutes and his cousin called and said well he will never call you again. I was shocked and asked why...she said oh he really liked you but you didn't put out.
I told her to tell him to kiss my sweet a$$ good bye he would never get a chance with me again.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE...TAKE SOME TIME TO KNOW SOMEONE. IT IS CALLED MORALS AND RESPECT!!!

msharmony's photo
Sun 01/20/13 03:16 AM

Why can't you go out on a first date and have no stress? If I go out on a first date with someone, before I even meet them..I know that sex won't be part of the date. It is not a mind game I play, it is just a rule I have for myself.
If someone takes me out and expects me to have sex just because he bought my supper or took me to a movie...sorry dude you just took out the wrong lady. I want respect and I think I deserve respect.
I swear now a days people just have sex with just about anyone that will put out...this is mostly why I won't date. I just think men can be such pains and sometimes they don't take no as NO.
I once went out on a date with what I thought was a very nice guy, we went to dinner. I was very good friends with his cousin and she fixed us up. He asked me if he could call me again and I said please do. I was home for about 15 minutes and his cousin called and said well he will never call you again. I was shocked and asked why...she said oh he really liked you but you didn't put out.
I told her to tell him to kiss my sweet a$$ good bye he would never get a chance with me again.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE...TAKE SOME TIME TO KNOW SOMEONE. IT IS CALLED MORALS AND RESPECT!!!



brava!!!!

ideally, sex should be about love and love should be about TRUST AND RESPECT,, which help alleviate paranoia about assets,,,,

BUT when sex isnt about love, its at least wise to know more about the person than their breast or penis size,,,,sex can create children, it can cause disease,,,even a small percent of the very careful people,,,,,and I imagine it sucks to be that woman who doesnt know who the daddy is because she was prone to 'knowing' she would have sex with this guy and that guy, and following through before ever getting to know them or having a commitment...

Kahurangi's photo
Sun 01/20/13 03:17 AM
I'm beginning to think that both men and women should carry around extra plastic in their respective wallets and purses, and be able to show them on demand when out on a date.

A clear card for STD's
A clear card for no known physcological disorders
A clear card for no known entrapments
A pre-sex card that is signed relinquishing rights to ownership following sex.

Feel free to add more to the list.

But that still leaves the 'total dik' dilemma...and i'm not sure what one can do about that.

spock

LilMimi23's photo
Sun 01/20/13 03:43 AM
Why does it always have to be about sex... Why can't you just get to know each other well and see what happens?! Sex it is important but not necessary. I always wonder what men think when a woman has sex on the first date and I bet you he ain't got enough respect for you to be honest!! It's my choice and respect my body too much to use it for pleasure n sex... To me sex it's an emotional bond with some1 that you really care and feel passionate about, not for horny *** man... I ain't your booty call mate, respect me please!!!

TawtStrat's photo
Sun 01/20/13 04:19 AM
I think the problem with the not putting out thing can be is that if you don't and don't talk about sex a guy can get the impression that you don't like it.

It's all very well to say that you want to be friends first but if you don't flirt at least then it can feel like there's no spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it. I think that's true of both men and women. I once went on a date with someone that I had been flirting with on the phone with for a while and I was waiting for her to make the first move or come on to me when we met I guess. We sat in a pub chatting for a couple of hours and at the end of the date it was awkward, so no kiss. Then she phoned me afterwards saying that she was sorry that it hadn't worked out. I asked her what she meant because I didn't think that it had been that bad and that she had just been a bit shy or something and we had got on fine on the phone and she said that it wasn't that she thought that I am a bad looking guy. So, I guess that it's not so much that there has to be sex on a first date but we do want to feel sexual atraction and that it's going to happen when the time is right.