Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Men
singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 07/07/12 06:45 AM
What I meant by the obtuse remark was all the men understand the points we've made even if we don't agree. Whereas many of the women are still repeating the same things and going in circles. Either they understand and are playing a game or they're unable to understand or they refuse to understand. At first I thought it was me. I thought I wasn't explaining clearly. But, when I read posts by the other men and saw they understood my points I knew it had to be something with the women. To continue would be beating a dead horse. Maybe some of the women just know better than to buy the excuses you're making for cheating. No, there is nothing wrong with women who don't accept the excuses.

wrmnnaturl Joined Mon 07/02/12 Posts: 22	Sat 07/07/12 08:26 AM
very interesting thread...so many views.... I do have a question for the guys...how do you want your loving partner to react if by chance( GOD forbid)you get prostate cancer and have to do treatment that leaves you unable to make your partner happy?That happens more often than you might think but it would put the shoe on the other foot don't you agree? Is she supposed to do without sex until one of you dies or would it be fine to have her simply get it elsewhere? I believe ( as one already mentioned here)that men are encouraged to go to another bed..by fathers,brothers,friends,and grandads.However,women are never told by anyone to do that under any circumstance....but the world is changing... :)

TexasScoundrel Joined Wed 10/29/08 Posts: 3693	Sat 07/07/12 09:02 AM
What I meant by the obtuse remark was all the men understand the points we've made even if we don't agree. Whereas many of the women are still repeating the same things and going in circles. Either they understand and are playing a game or they're unable to understand or they refuse to understand. At first I thought it was me. I thought I wasn't explaining clearly. But, when I read posts by the other men and saw they understood my points I knew it had to be something with the women. To continue would be beating a dead horse. Maybe some of the women just know better than to buy the excuses you're making for cheating. No, there is nothing wrong with women who don't accept the excuses. Once again, I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES! I'm explaining. This is something I've said several times. I know You've read it because you've quoted and commented on it. Yet, here you are going in the same circle again. I don't know who your boyfriend is, but he's not spanking you enough.

TexasScoundrel Joined Wed 10/29/08 Posts: 3693	Sat 07/07/12 09:23 AM
very interesting thread...so many views.... I do have a question for the guys...how do you want your loving partner to react if by chance( GOD forbid)you get prostate cancer and have to do treatment that leaves you unable to make your partner happy?That happens more often than you might think but it would put the shoe on the other foot don't you agree? Is she supposed to do without sex until one of you dies or would it be fine to have her simply get it elsewhere? I believe ( as one already mentioned here)that men are encouraged to go to another bed..by fathers,brothers,friends,and grandads.However,women are never told by anyone to do that under any circumstance....but the world is changing... :) That only effects one part of my body. I can still please her sexually in a number of other ways.

Godiva Joined Tue 12/09/08 Posts: 5330	Sat 07/07/12 02:51 PM
Once again, I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES! I'm explaining. This is something I've said several times. I know You've read it because you've quoted and commented on it. Yet, here you are going in the same circle again. Yes you are. If nothing else you are trying to make excuses for why you feel the way you do. If you feel a certain way, then really you do not need to justify that thought in my opinion, well at least not for me. If you feel so sure about all that you say though, why do you feel the need to bluster on about it? I will say I agree, you are explaining it quite clearly, but only for what works for you. Not for myself nor anyone else necassarily posting in this thread. It is just one gigantic tug of war no one is going to walk away happy nor clean about. Everyone has their opinions on cheating. Who does it, what causes it and how it should be dealt with, and everyone of them is correct more or less because they each come from a different point of view. You are trying to argue what more or less equals your beliefs and thoughts on the subject, and turn them into scientific facts that everyone should ooh and aaah over and then nod and agree solves the riddle so that we can all go home together and eat pie. And that spanking line was totally uncalled for. And you wonder why people are being "obtuse".

mg1959 Joined Thu 04/05/07 Posts: 7872	Sat 07/07/12 04:06 PM
very interesting thread...so many views.... I do have a question for the guys...how do you want your loving partner to react if by chance( GOD forbid)you get prostate cancer and have to do treatment that leaves you unable to make your partner happy?That happens more often than you might think but it would put the shoe on the other foot don't you agree? Is she supposed to do without sex until one of you dies or would it be fine to have her simply get it elsewhere? I believe ( as one already mentioned here)that men are encouraged to go to another bed..by fathers,brothers,friends,and grandads.However,women are never told by anyone to do that under any circumstance....but the world is changing... :) Thank God sensuality goes far deeper than the act of typical "humping" (excuse my french) for the mature sexually minded. If a couple can't grow past physical handicaps their not much of a couple.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Sat 07/07/12 04:29 PM
What I meant by the obtuse remark was all the men understand the points we've made even if we don't agree. Whereas many of the women are still repeating the same things and going in circles. Either they understand and are playing a game or they're unable to understand or they refuse to understand. At first I thought it was me. I thought I wasn't explaining clearly. But, when I read posts by the other men and saw they understood my points I knew it had to be something with the women. To continue would be beating a dead horse. Maybe some of the women just know better than to buy the excuses you're making for cheating. No, there is nothing wrong with women who don't accept the excuses. Once again, I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES! I'm explaining. This is something I've said several times. I know You've read it because you've quoted and commented on it. Yet, here you are going in the same circle again. I don't know who your boyfriend is, but he's not spanking you enough. Yes, you're making excuses. Yes, you're explaining yourself clearly, but it's also clear you're trying to justify mens' behavior. No need to be rude, though.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 04:34 PM
Ladies, you're not going to like this. Men don't have mid life crises. What happens is his woman reaches a point in her life when it's unlikely she could have healthy offspring. When that happens a man's evolutionary programming takes over and he starts looking for a woman that can produce healthy offspring. It doesn't matter if he wants more children or not. His programming will still cause him to desire younger women. It's normal, natural and makes perfect sense from a long term survival of his genes point of view. So, a 25 year old man married to a 45 year old woman is more likely to have a "mid life crises" than a 45 year old man married to a 25 year old woman. This sounds like a lot of huey to me. If that were the case then so many men younger and older would not be attracted to women who clearly are past the point of impregnation. To suggest that some kind of primal pubescent genetic suggestion is so powerful to over-ride the mind and moral character is to so patently offensive sexism against men that I have to really dismiss this idea. Just as I would dismiss anyone saying that the only valuable man was a man who could impregnate a woman. Or for that matter be able to boink women. Forbid that ever actually has to factor into your theory/value as a human being because it would appear that a severe identity crisis would ensue. Not sure how you would define relationships or self at that point.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 04:40 PM
Ladies, you're not going to like this. Men don't have mid life crises. What happens is his woman reaches a point in her life when it's unlikely she could have healthy offspring. When that happens a man's evolutionary programming takes over and he starts looking for a woman that can produce healthy offspring. It doesn't matter if he wants more children or not. His programming will still cause him to desire younger women. It's normal, natural and makes perfect sense from a long term survival of his genes point of view. So, a 25 year old man married to a 45 year old woman is more likely to have a "mid life crises" than a 45 year old man married to a 25 year old woman. 8 Warning Signs That Your Man Is Having a Midlife Crisis He says life is a bore He is thinking about (or already) having an affair He is suddenly making impetuous decisions about money and/or his career He makes a dramatic change in his personal style or appearance and is suddenly spending lots of time in front of a mirror He has little interest in spending time (or having sex) with you He is drinking too much or abusing other substances He is displaying the classic signs of depression -- sleeping more, loss of appetite, malaise He is overly nostalgic and constantly reminiscing about his youth or his first love http://www.ivillage.com/8-warning-signs-your-man-having-midlife-crisis/4-a-283697#bore There's nothing here that disputes anything I said. I forgot number nine....Exhibits a total lack of self control.... I'm not denying these things happen. What I'm saying is it has little to do with a man's age. A man can still father healthy children into his 60s or 70s. Why wouldn't he choose the best incubator he can? Because the incubator is only good for the duration and actual parenting which assures the survival of the species is usually imparted by older and more experienced members of both sexes. Yes young people often turn to peers for support and assistance but I dare say that younger people really know the finer points and or have the mental developement and maturity to stick with the level of instruction to be sucessful in large numbers.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 04:50 PM
Once we started testing DNA we learned that some 40% of people across all cultures has a different father than the one they think it is. Don't believe me? Google it. So, it ain't just the men doing the cheating. Cuckoo syndrome. Men cheat more, but mainly because they want to have more sex or experience sex with another woman. When women cheat, it's because they don't want a child with their husbands DNA. They seek out a physically superior sire for their children, while marrying a good provider. Men and women cheat for a lot more reason's than unequal sexual desire or desire for variety, or superiour DNA. Things like anger, resentment, low self esteem, neglect, availability of the partner, peer pressure, economic necessity, crime ect. are reasons people cheat.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 04:56 PM
I stand by my post. 9 times out of 10 it is a MAN who is cheating. Sorry guys, blame your fellow bro's for the man hater threads. As for the genetic element of wanting a more fertile mate, that is BS. We aren't cave dwellers anymore. As for the comment about her not giving sex. Also BS. Of my group of women friends and family, it is the MEN who aren't putting out. They are too busy sleeping or dealing with impotence issues. Midlife crisis is nothing more than hormonal changes. Both genders go through them. But you don't see women running amok during perimenopause in an attempt to cling to their youth. It's men. 9 times put of 10? Where does this number come from? Once we started testing DNA we learned that some 40% of people across all cultures has a different father than the one they think it is. Don't believe me? Google it. So, it ain't just the men doing the cheating. We are humans and cannot ignore our instinks any more than any other animal can. We were designed to survive in small groups of 50 to 100 people and the way we live today causes us all kinds of trouble because evolution hasn't caught up. We weren't designed to mate for life. We'll all be happier once we learn to accept it. Assumeing that every sexual exchange, especially pregnancy, is a choice would be a major error in calculation. Or that women in general have the power and option to leave a marriage just because they want to would be another. One can make almost any study bogus if you don't verify controls.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:18 PM
Becoming angry or getting your feelings hurt because someone cheated is like being offended that bees go from flower to flower. It's our nature to mate with the highest quality DNA we can wrap our naughty bits around and the only thing that'll stop us is self preservation. For men spreading our DNA is easy and costs us little. That's why men desire sleeping with great numbers of women. The more women we sleep with, the more our DNA is spread out. Women, on the other hand, cannot have more children by having more sexual partners and it's only been in the last 100 years or so that giving birth has actually become relatively safe. So, it just makes sense that women would be more selective about their partners. HMMMMMMM It is not the nature of all men. If that were the case any impregnable women would be irresistable to all men. That just isn't so from what I have seen. Saying that spreading your DNA around is easy is kind of ridiculous because even the "popular" stereotypes can not always get laid by any woman. The desire for sexual activity is not solely about spreading DNA. When given a choice men often seek sexual gratification that has no option for procreation. That spreading your DNA costs little ignores the "primal" urge to protect one's offspring and or children in general by most of the male species. In what universe does it not become more possible for women to have a better opportunity for pregnancy by having more than one partner? Sorry the window of impregnation is rather limited and having more than one desireable mate around ups the chance of impregnation not only by choice but by fertility of the male. Many men don't shoot viable bullits for one reason or another. Also suggesting that women select their partners solely on the basis of procreation defintiely flys in the face that women do actually have sex for any other reason. Which they do.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:25 PM
You can't be serious "they want a sire"???? Women cheat because they are being ignored or neglected. Not actually if my experience counseling couples is any indication. Because that tells me that often it is the attentive, nutureing, permissive, even faithful men that get cheated on because they are oblivious to the mentality that allows their partners to cheat until they happen to trip accross it or the wives tell them out of guilt or fear they will be revealed.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:28 PM
Becoming angry or getting your feelings hurt because someone cheated is like being offended that bees go from flower to flower. It's our nature to mate with the highest quality DNA we can wrap our naughty bits around and the only thing that'll stop us is self preservation. For men spreading our DNA is easy and costs us little. That's why men desire sleeping with great numbers of women. The more women we sleep with, the more our DNA is spread out. Women, on the other hand, cannot have more children by having more sexual partners and it's only been in the last 100 years or so that giving birth has actually become relatively safe. So, it just makes sense that women would be more selective about their partners. The problem with this rediculous statement is that if genetics and an innate desire to procure our genetic future were the basis behind cheating, men wouldn't seek out skanky, ignorant women to cheat with. They would be copulating with fertile, superior women. Most men however, cheat with bimbos and whores. Actually I think the statistics would prove out that the majority of infidelity is not with bimbos and whores but co-workers, neighbors, extended family, and members of interest groupes of the partner.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:39 PM
In defense of TexasScoundrel, he isn't making up anything. He is repeating something expressed by some behavioral studies experts. However, there is no consensus among behavioral studies experts about this particular topic. LOL well you risk a lot useing and expert to validate a debate. Kind of shows how much junk science exists.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:41 PM
I don't acknowledge all that behavioral psychology stuff because it reads to me like justifications and excuses. "My wife doesn't understand me." It's whiny and begging for forgiveness. And juvinile and poorly developed. DOes make one wonder how that person was ever selected as a mate.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:47 PM
How often was she sexually active with her husband? The answer is very likely "Not often enough". Hate to break it too you but it is not always the woman who stops having sex with the man. Guys sometimes just loose interest in perfectly willing and desireable spouses just as often. Wheather it is illness of physical or mental reasons, diabetes, incontinence from prostrate problems, impotencecy, job loss, natural disaster's to a long list of other reasons to halt intimacy even hidden homosexuality. That is true. But it's far more likely that the woman loses interest in sex. I am wondering why a woman would loose interest in a partner? To assume it is all one partner's fault over another is ignoreing fifty percent of the problem. Not that it is always both it is rare that it isn't. Why often marriage counseling actually helps.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 05:51 PM
How often was she sexually active with her husband? The answer is very likely "Not often enough". Hate to break it too you but it is not always the woman who stops having sex with the man. Guys sometimes just loose interest in perfectly willing and desireable spouses just as often. Wheather it is illness of physical or mental reasons, diabetes, incontinence from prostrate problems, impotencecy, job loss, natural disaster's to a long list of other reasons to halt intimacy even hidden homosexuality. That is true. But it's far more likely that the woman loses interest in sex. Perhaps the man isn't meeting her needs if she's losing interest in sex. That's possible. I'm sure it's true in some cases, but it seems pointless to sit here to speculate what all reasons a woman could have for withholding sex. Why would that be pointless? If men only see witholding of sex as a power play then they ignore the fact that often their power in the relationship is to make sex with them as desireable also.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Sat 07/07/12 06:04 PM
Someone mentioned earlier about mens genes taking over. It is actually a biological fact that men are built to inseminate as many women as possible in their lifetime which goes against nature and comes from societorial nurture. Most of the men I know who have cheated done it because they are not getting their needs met by the women they are with. I have only had three serious relationships in my life. I have been faithful in all three even though sometimes things have been hard. Most mens needs are really quite simple but a lot of women do not understand that. Hence they stray and believe me I have been tempted. They might tell you that they stray because their needs are not being met and that might even be parially true because it is rarely only sex that will drive a mate into another's arms, even men because I have run into too many men who report that the sex left the marriage years before they got DUMPED so it is a lot more complicated than just getting or not getting laid.

markc48 Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 5536	Sat 07/07/12 06:12 PM
Ladies, you're not going to like this. Men don't have mid life crises. What happens is his woman reaches a point in her life when it's unlikely she could have healthy offspring. When that happens a man's evolutionary programming takes over and he starts looking for a woman that can produce healthy offspring. It doesn't matter if he wants more children or not. His programming will still cause him to desire younger women. It's normal, natural and makes perfect sense from a long term survival of his genes point of view. So, a 25 year old man married to a 45 year old woman is more likely to have a "mid life crises" than a 45 year old man married to a 25 year old woman. Thats a very good point.