Just don't feel like talking about it quite yet.

Three days without a post. That is depressing. Just got my van washed off at the car wash. Sure nice to have the warm weather.

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.

Live the dream!

everything happens for a reason!

Luck and fate are the same thing, it just depends on how you look at life!

I like those, good thoughts Lee.

I haven't been around for awhile, been really busy with work. My 2nd job has been keeping me busy and I haven't been on here much.

I let some jerk from another site tick me off, then kind of depress me, that makes two in the last month, finally decided they are jerks and not worth the effort of my feeling bad. I was honest with them and if they do a U turn at the last minute, they are not worth the effort.

Work has been crazy, couldn't find enough to keep busy, now have been given more to do so looks like that may not be an issue.

I managed to get sick last week, still can't shake it, so am frustrated with that, sinus infection and double ear infection. Must be going through my second childhood, haven't had an ear infection since I was a kid, geeezzz.

Wondered what was up with you, Marie. Same here though with work as far working a lot of hours. My nose has been running like a fountain. Nurse has been giving me Claritin. Usually whenever she hears me sniffle. She asked me if I had mold in my house. My parts source at the auto parts place in town, Rosie told me they just packaged the wrong water pump for my van in the box I bought just as she was getting off work at 4:30 p.m. yesterday and I went to work and met her after eating breakfast at the restaurant the next morning because she said the right part would be in a.m. the following morning. Some days I wonder if I will meet myself in coming and going. Even the residents with Alzheimer think I am familiar to them. I just don't give them time to properly forget me. Hope you start to feeling better and if they treat you like that then you are doing the right thing by getting away from them. Hope you have a good day. I am about to pass out soon from the hours. They are switching one female aide we had to another floor and one female aide is going to days. They have one male aide coming to nights with me and another male IRCA is coming to third shift which will have all male aides on the floor I work on. I was talking to the other male aide and we have decided just to get the new guy to dress up as a woman for those women who don't want males to help them. I don't know if it will work and probably the new guy won't go for it.

Gee Roy, they are really beating you up at that job, but I guess like me, you are probably happy to be working these days. We are becoming the minority anymore it seems. I am working really hard to hold onto the part-time 2nd job too, hate having to type almost every night after work too, but need the money and the way things are I am going to work at holding on to both the jobs. The hospital it tightening up its belt and it is making me and others nervous. I don't know that it will affect me, I hope not, they actually added some duties to my job last week, which was great as I had not had enough to do and was worried it could lead to being laid off, so was grateful to get more work. The work force, or lack of work force, is really getting scary.

I still have the bug, but sure am tired of it. Think I am getting slowly better, but still look like a ghost, really pale yet. Should be getting better soon, am really tired of this.

They have a major virus running through town, a stomach bug, I have been staying ahead of it so far, but nervous as I am already sick, been using the opening doors with a paper towel trick at work, don't want to get another bug on top of this one.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Karen, hope you are well, I miss seeing your posts.

Take care.

Thanks Marie, I've been through hell these last few weeks but still not smoking. I think tht makes 3 months so far.

I met a guy and we have been hanging out together, but it is draining me. He is smothering me and I'm afraid of being used and he's afraid of being ditched, which I think I have done. He wants to remain friends, and as much as we have in common, that would be nice, but I know there will be sexual tension, so Im cautious.

He is harmless and sweet. I just cant take being called several times a day and then emails too. Then wanting to chat. Damn, I cant take it. And we havent had sex. I am celebate and he has been too but I dont think his was by choice, and mine is. I am fully prepared to live the rest of my life alone, w/o sex. He is not.

He made some moves and asked if we could sleep together w/o doing anything. I said NO! He says he will and can wait for me, but his actions are showing me that he is losing his self control. So I wrote him a dear john letter and told him I needed some space.

School is driving me nuts. I dont have the same feelings of pleasure when Im there like I did before. It just seems like a hassle. But I go. I have ditched a couple of classes due to being insecure and scared. I know I'll have to get used to being around people, but this agorphobia is really getting to me again. Very hard to go to school. When Im there all I can think about it getting home.........so thats the readers digest version of the crap I been going through.

I sincerely hope everyone will be better and that they take care. Warm wishes to you all.

Karen

Got called in last night and then the nurse said on second thought that I needed to spend time with my family. It was two nights in a row this one aide was no call and no show. She said her and the other aide that did show up could handle it. She said if the one aide that didn't call in did show up later that she would just tell her to go home. One of the problems with workaholism is that you can feel guilty for taking a day off. One can get consumed by the greed even though you know you need the money. The mind and the body need to rest up sometimes. All work and no play can make me a very dull boy, indeed. i was just telling a person last night that I am married to my job. The nurse is acting like she is feeling guilty for having to beg me to come in on my days off. And she really gets ticked off at the ones who call in and don't show up. She is figuring since she has to show up for work they should, too. She really isn't being unreasonable. It really made me happy to take a long drive with my van last night. It made me happy that at least I could do the water pump installation without having to take it to a mechanic. Got the student loan payment out this week. $371 a month is quite a chunk but I am making my restitution. I should be able to work a deal out with the electrician this next pay day to get the weather head and circuit breaker box fixed for the well house. And hopefully to get the well pump checked out and starter box. My refund should be coming back soon and it would be great to have water again at my house.

Well, I haven't been on this website nearly as much as I used to be, which is actually a good thing for me. I just decided that I was spending too much time cooped up at home and feeling sorry for myself about lonely so I actually started making myself get out and play in the real world again.

The down side is that I didn't get the job I was after, and it was my last chance at anything decent for a while. At least I have enough money in savings (and I am drawing Unemployment) to last until the lease is up on my apartment, then I will probably have to move. Unless of course something happens with my lawsuit before July. I'm hoping that it will provide me with enough money to continue to live by myself and go back to school.

The upside is that I've met a really great guy. We are keeping things simple right now, but there is chemistry there and we enjoy spending time with each other, so I guess we will see where things go.

Thanks for checking in, Angie. Sounds like do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first. Kudos on trying to make things better for yourself. I remember one time I survived a whole week off the Internet. Was that ever scary at first. Being online for 14 years it has been like a home of sorts. Yeah. A self imposed prison it can become with yourself as the warden. But being your own warden you can set yourself free. Its the free that can seem scary. Remember when I had to take the television and computer out of my bedroom. That way I would at least have to come out of my bedroom. Was I ever isolating. That was the claustrophobia that helped me come out. It was like my world just shrank too much. I wasn't sure who was going to win - the claustrophobia or the agoraphobia. I just had to make myself go outside. I went through the thousand forms of fear - whether real or imagined - that we have in our NA text book. Today, I am okay with it. I am happy that you have met someone. I hope things get better for ya.

Some days I cannot help but to despair.

Here is a question that I am stumped on. It comes from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book on the bottom of page 111 and the top of page 112. "Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group?" I can say that at one time I wasn't able to.

P R O Z A K works great lol

Last night the nurse wanted me to be the bad guy. I suck at being the bad guy. She said either you be the bad guy or I will (paraphrasing). She told me that she had no problem with being the bad guy. Yup. You guessed it. I am orientating another new aide. She said he is going to have to pick up the pace. I thought he made a good kitchen helper but he wanted to be an aide. He reminded me so much me. Nervous and trying to do the right thing but he just doesn't have a clue. Earlier on she told me that all the nurses trust me. Just like I was. He wants to stand back and watch because he is afraid he will make a mistake. Poor lost puppy trying to follow me around. I feel so sorry for him but more sorry for me because I am having to do all of the work, almost. That is what I get for trying to be a peace maker. No good deed goes unpunished. Just because I abhor drama. He is off tonight. He said he is trying to get his act together. He says he wants to be on day shift. They will chew him up and spit him out. Fresh out of nursing school. He thought the wig idea had some merit. Nurse kept asking me where is your buddy. She did a little foreshadowing when she told him that she could be a real "b". Only she used nicer language. I wonder how long he will last. Man he ain't seen nothing yet. Wait till he has to do the floor alone. I pity the poor fool.

Last night I got to work with another male aide who I had the pleasure of orientating before on second shift. He is a young guy and all the ladies love him. Like me second shift is calling him traitor which means that they will miss him. We both laughed because I told him he just barely dodged a bullet. Two of the female aides on second shift just got suspended for not being able to get along. There is more to that story but that is the gist of it. He calls me Mister Roy which is really unnecessary but he shows the same respect to everyone. I am beginning to understand the reasoning of it and am trying to break myself of calling everyone hon. I caught myself calling some of the male residents hon, again. It really is a tough habit to break. But I am finding that I have to break that habit because some of the female residents take it seriously. And some of them have even sarcastic with me calling them hon. I am finding that Stewart has the right idea and will incorporate into my caring technique. He agrees with me as well as the nurse that we need at least one female aide on nights. If for no other reason to keep us out of trouble with the female residents who start to really like us and the female residents who just can't give up being modest. Sanity should be encouraged if possible. Stewart has talked to his sister, Sara and she has agreed to come to third shift. I like her. She is my mechanic's wife. The only fly in the ointment now though is Stewart is being wooed onto by another female aide and I don't think Stewart's girlfriend will appreciate that. Of course, Sara thinks Stewart's girlfriend is a 'b' anyway. Stewart told me that he is in hell now because Crystal, his new girlfriend he likes but his old girlfriend who he has been going with for 5 years just fights with him a lot. His old girlfriend, Sue has a temper. I really wouldn't want to be in Stewart's shoes right now. I hope this drama gets resolved before third shift becomes as dramatic as second shift was. I really like the peaceful atmosphere on third shift.

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

Great quote!