{{{{{Marie}}}}}

Thank you for your support, I am doing okay so far. Have to meet with the funeral home tomorrow, dealing with the life insurance is another matter, their hoops to jump through, state laws, etc. Makes me nervous about how it will go. Have to talk to welfare tomorrow, they were paying his bill at the home, see if they are going after his life insurance too, so much to think about.

Take care, thanks again. Have a good day.

I made the mistake of calling my male friend's friend girlfriend. He said no that is my room mate. But today he asked her to marry him and she had an engagement ring on her finger. I thought it was strange that he bypassed the girlfriend stage. Live and learn I guess. I got a kink in my back and hope it works its way out. I have been hobbling around all day.

Roy - try massage therapy for your back, works wonders, I am a firm believer in it. Your friend didn't want to admit they were involved I guess, that is a different way to go about it. Ask your doctor about a Toradol shot if the back keeps up, it is an anti-inflammatory, not narcotic, helps take the inflammation away and helps with the healing. I can't take ibuprofen or Advil, anything like that on my stomach, but I can get a shot now and then for severe back pain or headaches. They do work pretty well.

Went to the funeral home today, started the arrangements, have to write the obituary, pick the music, etc. Have the date semi-set, have to talk to a pastor, and then can finalize. Then have all the family members to notify, etc. As usual, my brother is totally worthless, I am doing it all. Guess I shouldn't complain, this way I do it the way I want and he can shut his mouth.

Hope you are all having a good week.

The DON said she had some kind of massage machine at work that she uses. She was busy so I didn't get to try it. I can get some Ibuprofen or Advil at work and it doesn't cause me problems I will ask the nurse tomorrow for some. It is those low beds that get me. Some residents are fall risks and we have to work around them. I am thinking about getting some knee pads while I am it. Maybe I will pray while I am down there. It couldn't hurt. Hoping you the best, Marie.

Does anybody ever feel like even on your best days there's something that comes out in your personality that speaks to your depression? I'm having a hard time cultivating new relationships and I don't understand why. We can spend the whole day together, have a lot of fun and a lot in common, really hit it off, then a few days later - nothing. Its happened more than once so I'm just wondering if I'm giving off some sort of vibe and if anyone else has experienced anything like this.

I don't if I am answering your question or not but depression does have an effect on my relationships. Maybe it might be due to looking for that all exclusive relationship that I once had. somebody that I could trust no matter the circumstances like in a marriage. Being in the non-married state has been especially weird for me. Flying solo has taken me some time to achieve and I don't trust as I once did. But in cultivating the friendships that I do have which seem temporary to serve whatever purpose they serve I am finding out more about myself. I am finding that I am becoming more my own best friend. Nothing is really permanent I have found so I am enjoying the good times while they last. It kind of reminds of that song by Donna Fargo, "I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden."

omg marie i hope probate and that goes quickly.my condolences at your loss.

Yeah and I think it's cause I don't put myself out there subconciously cause now a days most people are phoney baloneys .

I guess my coworker friend has finally gone and done it. She gave her two weeks notice, yesterday. I have been telling her that all the smart ones leave. I think she is making the right move. I can't blame her and can't wait to hear what she has to say at our inservice on stress since many of us have been so stressed from having to work short staffed.

Sorry to hear your friend is leaving Roy. I understand how hard it is working short-staffed and you work in such a stressful environment already. My dad was lucky, the nursing home he stayed in didn't seem to be short-staffed from what I could tell, they seemed to have plenty of staff around, anyways it always looked that way. The patients were well cared for.

Our hospital is doing okay so far with staffing from what I can tell, they have fired some people, but claimed they weren't doing their jobs, but they had been there 28 and 30 years, why did they let them work there that long if they "hadn't been doing their jobs???" Several have quit over stress or problems with management. The lucky ones quit because they didn't need the job or found a better job, less stress, etc.

I am in the process of planning the funeral, still have things to do, loose ends to tie up, but getting there. Have had a headache since Monday, finally got a shot yesterday, so it was gone last night but back full force this morning, so I know it is just the stress of all this. I am okay with dad being gone, he went peacefully and quickly, he was in pain, I am sure it was liver cancer, so he didn't linger and suffer, so I am grateful for that. Just all the loose ends and unknown and dealing with a greedy brother now. And the welfare system, what are they going to take, etc., are they going to take what little bit of life insurance he has?? He didn't have much, but I am trying to figure that out on top of all the rest. He owned his van, nothing else, and it is only worth maybe $1000, I asked the caseworker if I could keep it, no word from her. They really don't want it, it needs work, has issues, etc., but no word, doubt she will let me keep it though.

I need to get ready for work, have been work a few hours a day to try to keep some of the typing done. I get 3 days of bereavement leave but want to spread them out throughout my 4 day week so I can work short days. I feel better being around people and getting some of my work caught up, and that way can work on the funeral plans when I am home too.

Jax, thanks for your kind thoughts.

Hope everyone is having a good week.

marie so sorry for your loss.. and the stresses you are going through..you have been so dedicated for so long.. im sure something good is to come your way deb

Marie, thoughts and prayers going out to you.. It is so hard taking care of all that.. I lost my husband in Mar 07 and then my mom in Oct 07.. Almost shut me down but doing ok now....It's been over a yr and my moms estate still not settled because of my greedy sister...thats a whole other story...

Yeah, it sucks that she has given notice, Marie. They changed the inservice to transporting residents instead of the stress inservice because they is what the state thought we needed to work on especially with the resident that fell and that aide got suspended. Later that resident was admitted to hospice and just a few days ago passed away. It is like the place I work at has a revolving door with the turn over rate. Strange relationship I have had with the coworker; More than one have thought we are going together. When I first met her she asked me about marriage. I figured she just met me so she must be kidding. So today I just popped the question to her just to see if she was serious. As I had my suspicions sure enough she was against that. That answered that question. At least it was better than that marriage is against her religion. Seems that religion has very little to do with it. She is just plain against marriage. Another friend I have met with a violent past. I seem to draw them. Seems her former husband hit her in the stomach when she was pregnant which caused her to miscarriage. Is it any wonder some people definitely have trust issues? Can you really blame them? What you were saying about the funeral arrangements made me think of Dottie. They wouldn't even let me have the $355.00 social security for death benefits. It is like isn't death enough to worry about. I hope you are doing okay.

((((((Marie)))))) I do hope that things work out in a good way for you and that it doesn't get ugly. You have worked your ass off and you deserve some time to yourself when this is all over. I am sorry for your loss and I hope your greedy bro doesn't give you problems so your dad can rest in peace. I am glad to hear that he went peacfully.

Things have been getting back to normal here slowly. I have my first therapy session for rape counceling. Was the same as any other counceling. Don't know if it will help or not but I do hope that I can get something out of it before school starts in Jan.

Jan 8th I have to go back to court. Jan 11th I start school. I hope they extend the restraining order. I am anxious about that and have to really work hard not to think about having to be in the same room with that sicko. He lied in court so much. I can't believe he did what he did. The lies, the scamming, the loss of my dignity, taking my money. It is a hard road this time.

The depression is the least of my worry's right now. Im manic and everything is amplified. So being scared to leave my house for very long is hard. Thats why I need to get my head to gether with therapy. I only leave the house for Dr's visits, store and pharmacy. I hardly ever leave my door open either. Even with a locking screen.

On a good note, I entered my bird in a contest on tv and they showed her! She didn't win the contest, but she was on tv and got a lot of oooo's and ahhh's. Her name is Banshee because she screams a lot. Im proud of her, whooo hooo.

Karen - hang in there. Sounds like you are moving forward slowly. Keep up with the counseling, I am sure it will help some. The court date will be scary but you have already been through it once, and ask your attorney about extending the restraining order. I will keep you in my thoughts girl.

Things have been really sucky, trying to get the funeral set up and all. Running into issues with welfare, they are going to take his little bit of life insurance as repayment and his van, the one I put the $1000 new computer in about 2 years ago, and the $500 new tires on in February, so I had a friend take it up and have old snow tires put on it and get my new tires off it. I am keeping those things, sick of being ripped off. The life insurance is such a mess. Found out when I called them in 2006 when mom died and they told me she did NOT have a policy so they didn't pay anything, well I call them to tell them dad died and guess what??? They found her policy, it was tied into his -- and now it will go to his estate and the state will take it. I am so angry, the state is not entitled to that, it should have been paid out in 2006 when she died and I had dad in my house caring from him 24/7 from about 10/05 through 12/06 when he went into the home. They have no right to that money. Talked to an attorney, he said it would be expensive, his retainer is $4500 and "he takes credit cards" - I said "yeah, and I have a hole in my roof and my car needs $300 in repairs too" and he basically scratched me off his list. He said if I fought it, whatever was there, after the lawyers and everyone else got their share, I would "maybe" get a nominal fee. All this because some jackass at the insurance company didn't do their job right when I called in 2006 when she died. I ended up paying for her funeral and was paying all of dad's bills, etc. This just has me so torqued. I want to file a complaint against the insurance company, doubt it will do any good, but I am still ticked.

Sorry, guess when I go into a rant, I go into a rant!!

I hope you are all having a good weekend. I told someone I would cover for her while she was on vacation, so I am swamped with typing this weekend, needed the money, but didn't expect dad to die on Monday and have the "extras" to do either. Boy, can I plan things. Have 5 more tapes to get done by Monday a.m. Guess I will get off here and get to bed, I have a really long day tomorrow. Take care.

Sounds like a case of fraud, Marie. I mean if they could find it now and not then. Basically you were lied to even if they couldn't find it then. It would be like you had a former lien against it as it could have helped before. Yup, it would be nice if you could sue. It certainly seems like you have a case. It makes you wonder if the insurance company and the state don't have your best interest at heart. I am very thankful that my family of sisters and brothers asked an offering from their churches when I had to make my spouses' funeral arrangements. Yup, ususally the lawyers figure out their takes first and if their is anything left that is for you. It is amazing what lawyers can do.

Hang tight Marie, hopefully everything will get cleared up.

Karen, stay strong, it sounds like things may be moving slowly, but they are moving in your favor.

Roy, the whole situation sounds very stressful, I hope you get a chance to use and enjoy that vacation time.


So finally, a month later, I have my first meeting with EEOC next week. Now that's its approaching, I'm kind of nervous. Everything that happened pretty much destroyed my career; I just hope that by the time this is all over I will have a direction to go in that won't require me to completely start over again; I just did that with my personal life, I'm not ready to do it professionally.

Hope things work out for you Angie, those meetings are stressful but worthwhile if you get what you deserve.

Roy, hope things are going well for you.

Karen, miss you posting, hope things are going okay for you.

Somebody shoot me, I decided I could cover a 3rd job, for 5 days only, holy crap, they are killing me, I am totally swamped with typing, have a 2nd part-time job and it worked out with that job okay as it is a few days a week, but this 3rd job is massive typing, much more than I remembered the last time I did it, but the also changed my work hours to 10 hour days, so I don't have as much free time at night to type either. Typed myself half to death this weekend and didn't get it done. Have Thursday's and today's and tomorrow's and will be done. Need the money, but damn!!! The funeral is pretty much arranged, still upset with the state, but sounds like the life insurance is a done deal and likely the van, can't get an answer from anyone. Typical when dealing with bureaucracy, I guess. Have a good week. Think I will go soak my head in the toilet and ask myself "what was I thinking?" I have this bad habit, wave some money under my nose, and I will take on a job. Getting too old to keep that up I guess, geeezzz.

xoxooxoxoxoxoxooxo