I will truely be glad when THIS year is over!!!

My van got repo'd last friday, ya, right after thanksgiving...nice eh? so now, im in the middle of nowhere, with no care, bout 1 1/2 from town, and its to dang cold to be walking. I can't afford the stupid Ybus, $3 to go into town $3 for them to pick my up and take me home again. $6 round trip...I dont have that kind of money!!! Mu best friend is in Tx doing hurricane clean up from Ike still. and my other g/f, her daughter just had her baby so she is busy with her daughter and the baby. I dont know many people here so I dont have anyone i can ask to take me grocery shopping... I'm really NOT liking my life right now.. Dont get me wrong,i'm not gonna do anything to myself, Ijust dont like the situation I am in. I know only I can change it, but it's hard enough to get a job, and now with no vehicle..IMPOSSIBLE!!! I can't even get to my councelor appointments!

Oh I'm gonna just go back to bed!

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and I doing well for this time of year!!

hugs n love to everyone

Mommy - Have you asked the Salvation Army or any of the local churches to help with bus passes or money?? Sometimes they help or the welfare office may help. I would be on the phone calling every agency in the book to ask for whatever help was available, this is the time of the year when some who don't normally help will help. Give it a try. You deserve the help and need it. Nothing wrong with asking, other people are. I wish I knew some way to help out, but other than the ideas above, I am sorry, I don't. Good luck, wish things would get better for you soon. Take care.

Michigan is at 9.2% unemployment and they just announced more job cuts!! But, it will get better! I believe that!!

Oh, geez, ya'll, too, huh? My dad used to call that philosophy spending a dollar to save a penny. Just today an aide I have been training was telling me he wasn't going to try to toilet this large lady by himself. They tell him to use a gait belt. She won't let him put the gait belt on her. She really isn't ambulatory but she tries. I told him to go get me to help him. You have to go by the doctor's orders on the resident status sheet or you can kiss your license goodbye. We can't even have candystripers or orderlies because they would have to be on the payroll because if they are not on the payroll then the insurance doesn't cover them. Yup. Have to stay positive and that is why I vent a lot. It got to the point where I really didn't have a choice. Can't hurt the residents because that is abuse and can't hide from the residents because that is called neglect. So ya just have to deal with your anger and theirs, too. It is impossible to be in two places at once but we try.


Yea....trying to figure out how to save $$..but we have to care for out patients and when they complain that I scheduled someone for over time I tell them to decide which patient gets less than adequate care!!

Well all the aides on second shift got wrote up, today on second shift. At least they are spreading the love around. The new aide and I decided to get that nurse a new pen for Christmas so she doesn't run out of ink. The DON told me to come to her office when I got time to sign it because she could see we were all busy. She said just sign here. I really didn't have to read what the nurse wrote me up for. Then she asked me if I could work Saturday on my day off. She said they are so short handed that they could fire anybody right now. SNAFU.

Marie, I have checked with the Salvation Army, Red Cross, Helping hands....they only help with rent, electric, or gas bills. Town Trustee cant help me because I'm already gettin STATE assistance, and the money I get from them monthly barely covers what I need for my son, not to mentions my phone bill. I've check with the churches out here, and most them say because I am not a 'member' of thier church they wont help me.

I'll be okay, always am, I just get really down about things, especially this time of year.
Thanks for your idea's tho, I may just call everyone again.

Mommy I would go to the media.They always go for a human story this time of year and you will be able to help not only you but others in your same situation.Shame on those churches for not helping.your library or local paper may have a list of private organizations that help people in your situation.good luck hugs and prayers.

Do you have a Catholic Charities where you live? In Connecticut they are helping many people out right now.

Good idea Cutie and Jax - Mommy, have you tried any local radio stations? A lot of them are doing special promotions for Christmas right now for families too. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

We got a $50.00 Christmas bonus. I tried to put $20.00 in the gas tank but had to go back in the gas station to get my $1.10 in change. Gas is $1.49 a gallon here. I couldn't hardly believe change back. Wow. It has been so long since that happened. We really have had a mild winter so far. I hope all are doing fine.

Roy

I know. I had to squeeze in every drop to get my car to take $15 in gas and it was almost empty.

I just hope the price stays down. Eventually I am going to have to get more propane for the heater and water heater. I did notice that the price of kerosene is higher than gas here. We are orientating a CNA. She has worked here before so it is just really just a brush up. Was nice having adequate help tonight with four aides rather just the usual three. Everything ran pretty smooth.

Hi everyone, just wanted to stop in and say hi. Im not gone, just lost. ive become agoraphobic, but still get to my Dr appt's, pharmacy and shop, but not much aand i always try to use the self check out so i dont have to talk to anyone. Ive talked to my Dr about it and I start counceling soon. I just cant seem to get what happened to me. Thats what the counceling is for i guess.

Hope all are well. Thanks for the support you've all given to me and everyone. You are all wonderful to keep up the support.

Been through that agoraphobia and claustrophobia, Karen as it was a part of my grief. Doing okay with it now. I thought I had some bad grief until encountered one of our residents who has the grief complicated by the Alzheimer's dementia. Her daughter wants us to remind her of her husband's passing when she asks where her husband is. Imagine to have to relive the passing is a hell that must be horrible. The nurse tried to be gentle with her and asked her if she knew where she was and what year it was. Worked a 12 hour shift and glad to be home. I hope everyone is warm and having a good night. Hugs to all of my friends.

I had a bad dream a few nights that woke me up. Once I was awake and started thinking about it, it actually made me happy.

It was the first bad dream that I've had since leaving my husband that didn't revolved around him in some way. It made me so excited, after a year and half it feels like a real milestone.

I have been grieving for a long time, it seems. What, like maybe 18 years. I've gone for stretches (5 or more years) when the sadness passed and there was only anxiety. I always fought the grieving with stress and worry. As long as there was stress, I didn't have to deal with the grief.

I worked on it for a good long time in talk therapy and gained a lot of insight. Its just that it is hard to keep plowing forward when you keep experiencing more serious losses, disappointments. I have had much more than my share and I have been very strong throughout. But, I can't use the anxiety anymore because my tolerance to it has increased. Today, the bouts would cause panic and more. It is too much on my physical and emotional health.

So, I am left facing the raw feelings of deep sadness underneath again. I'm going to need peer support to work through this. Its overwhelming, otherwise.

Yes Roy, I guess I am still grieving about what happened to me. I really thought after a few months this would get easier but everytime I have to or think about going to court again, I feel freaked out. Doc put me on more meds. Says I have PTSD. She wrote me a letter to the Judge so that might help me keep the restraining order. My mom is going with me this time too so that will help a lot. Not being able to go back to college is a very real fear too. Im scared sh!tless, but want to go too. A cunundrum I guess. I lost my book grant so I can't afford them. No books, no school. Dealing with the fear of being outside is the strangest thing I have ever been through in my life. It just seems stupid, but then that is when I feel safer in the house. As soon as I have to leave or even think of leaving I shake and get sick to my stomach. I have to psych myself into going. I missed my 1st therapy session. I called and resched, because I couldnt get myself to go out. I have another appt in Jan. I will have to make sure I make myself go. I think some of it is in my head. Like I didnt want to go alone and have to start facing some of these problems. I don't know. So now Im being treated for BP, Sad, Depression, and PTSD, which I had a case of before when I had to deal with my past abuse from my step dad. I have taken to wearing a wedding band to keep guys away, and it is kind of a promise to myself that I will be celebate like I was before the rape. I promise to myself that I will not hook up with anyone until I can trust them and they are respectful and kind. That they understand my problems and can deal with that, cuz I aint changing much. Big pill for any man to swallow.

Angel - sorry things are so hard for you. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I am a firm believer in group therapy and really got a lot of help from them in the past. I hope you get the help you need to move on. Good luck.

Angie - sounds like you are moving ahead, good work.

Roy - it sounds like they are keeping you busy at work. Did you ever get moved or is that still on hold? Good luck on training your new CNA.

Karen - hang in there, it is hard place to be but I have faith in you and I know you can get through it. This is a time to lean on your friends and family as much as you can, and the counselor. I wish I could do more to help. Take care of yourself, you have a lot of friends who care about you.

Always remember that.