No judgements here girlie :) just good to see you when you can make it:) it is understandable. Baby steps then you'll stride and then you'll fly :)

Just popping in to wish everyone a Happy Weekend.

Hugs to all!

Thank you!!!


Well, today was Wednesday August 12th. It was Wednesday August 12, 1998 when my world as I knew it came crashing down. That was diagnosis day. HOW can it be 11 years? I can remember most of it so so clearly. Aside from the Dr getting it out of his mouth and going into full blown shock; there are minutes there that never came back to me. Next thing I knew I was wondering why all these people were around me and I was shaking uncontrollably. I wondered today, as I talked to Keith about it all, what I'd done in 11 yrs. My answer...sleep! Sleep is something that never has gone back to normal. Seems I'm up and down all the time. I wonder if others do or have done this.

Anyway...that is my random thought for this day. Thanks for reading it.

Sleep, I do not think I do unless you call walking and breathing the same. In Jan 2004 the day after my birthday celebration. next thing it was 5th of July 2005, and a brain bleed, on the 11th..I laid down for a nap after a few days of? Hannah came running in and ..now 4 years later, sleep? I think I could understand. Some moments are vivid and mostly in a fluff..I feel your sadness, sorry..

{{{{{{{{{{Auburngirl}}}}}}}}}} I do believe there are some days which we will never get over. How can we when they represent such a major rift in our lives? Some of the pain may dull over the years but that ache will flare up on those days when our lives and hearts, were ripped beyond repair.

I can relate to the "day we got THE phone call". My birthday 1996 about 4:15PM. I haven't looked forward to my birthday, since.

I keep trying to find a place for all that..and they just pop up again..I get a lot of advice from "near do wells"..I do not celebrate..

Thanks Sharris, Cathy and Don. I appreciate the understanding. Well suffice it to say I didn't sleep well last night and started out on the wrong foot this morning so I slept six hours today.

You're right Cathy. They do definitely dull in pain with the passing of years. But I can't see 8/12 ever going by without remembering what it is, what it meant. It meant the end of my other life, and the start of this new one.

I was prepared for my husband death nothing easy about funerals though and his was very uplifting for funerals. Now my sister passing tore a hole in my heart, unexpected. And awful to see her son lose his mom. That was 2002 took a good 5 years for it not to wound you so badly. Plus going through my husbands death during this time. I know there at peace. But still her death cheated me no reason for it. I miss her.

HUGS Carol. I'm so sorry.

Evening Solace
by Charlotte Bronte

The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;--
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed.
And days may pass in gay confusion,
And nights in rosy riot fly,
While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,
The memory of the Past may die.

But there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.

And feelings, once as strong as passions,
Float softly back--a faded dream;
Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations,
The tale of others' sufferings seem.
Oh! when the heart is freshly bleeding,
How longs it for that time to be,
When, through the mist of years receding,
Its woes but live in reverie!

And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer,
On evening shade and loneliness;
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,
Feel no untold and strange distress--
Only a deeper impulse given
By lonely hour and darkened room,
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven
Seeking a life and world to come.

Hey how is everyone my name is Tammy been a widow for 4ys now

Hi Tammy! You found us!

I'm Connie. I was widowed 10 yrs in June. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to cancer when he was 37, I was 35 at the time. I live in Alabama.

Hi connie,
It is so hard it like know wants anything to do wih u because we are widow thats what suck lol

Tammy I know how you feel. I felt that way more with regard to friends and like people from church or neighbors than I did men in generally. I saw your other post. I can tell you that I put that question to about 5 men on THIS site and every single one of them without fail said, that any man who wouldn't date a widow due to the ghost thing, is insecure about themselves, that is has nothing to do with us. And I have come to see that is true.

I found the people not wanting to have much to do with us anymore, more in ways of a slow drifting because they no longer knew what to say. Did they bring up his name? Would it make me cry? If they didn't would it seem like they didn't care? People don't know what to do and how can they til they have walked this walk. Course, that doesn't stop it from hurting our feelings. But people can only work within their frame of reference.

They don't know what they are missing we have great hearts and wont to be loved too..

You are right. I have more people seek me out for relationship advise. I was puzzled by it at first until someone finally said to me, well, you got it right! You know how to do it.

I can tell you this as you may already know. Our hearts were broken and it takes time and effort to repair. I always say it's like a really bad wound. It heals but leaves a scar. In time, we realize our hearts are quite a bit bigger than we initially thought and that there is room to honor our love of our spouse, and love someone new, all at the same time. And there is no competition. No one is here to be competed with.

Tammy was your husband's death sudden or was he ill? Also, have you dated very much since?

No he was ill when i married him so i know it was coming. No one wants to date me :(