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| Topic: Do kids need both parents | |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Fri 05/23/08 04:59 PM
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I am getting frustrated, Fanta. You look good frustrated... 
This thread almost had me revealing my personal feelings and experiences.....
You ladies all sound like wonderful mothers to me.
From what I have seen of ALL their posts int he forums they are GREAT mothers. I am just trying to get some to see the idea that it would not be a BAD idea if they tried to get a more daily male role model for their child (or a female role model for a singel father). NOT that they get married; NOT that they get involved with some male; god forbid they have a total stranger, as someone suggests, be a daily role model, that would be insane. All I am looking for is a concession from them that it would not be a BAD idea if they, the single parent looked for someone of the opposite sex, that could be a daily role model for their children. Not to be their new spouse or significant other, but a role model who the child sees on a daily basis every singel day (for the most part). For one, I have never said if I have a boy or a girl. My child has role models - Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, coaches, Pastors, neighbors, friends' parents. This every single day thing is obessive in IMO. You are entitled to your opinion, but to me, daily is not necessary. But...you are not entitled to critizing people for having a different opinion from yours and saying that we are neglective mothers. ok I am going to ask this once and once only. stop putting words in my mouth and stop changing what I say around to try and make yourself sound right I have never once specifically accused you or any other person of being neglective. I stated that it was my opinion that a refusal to try and find a daily (primary) role model of the opposit sex to yourself (parent in question) is neglect. You have stated that you feel you have already found daily role models for your child(ren). I may not agree with that, but that is your opinion. You are saying that "if we don't try and find a daily primary role model of the opposite sex for our child is neglect". In another post you even mentioned trying very hard to find this role model and even suggested that we have our child give up an activity to put forth more effort to find this role model. Even said that you were appalled. That is calling us, that haven't found a "daily" role model due to life's circumstances, "neglectful". How on earth is that putting words in your month?
Puh-lease. In my personal opinion, if you are unwilling, or outright refuse, to try and find a good daily role model for your children, yes it is neglect. The key words are unwilling, and refuse. I am outta here now. I am tired of the intentional twisting of words, and intent by some people to try and suggest somethig is being said when it isnt. With all due respect, neglect is when you are left in a house for four days without food, neglect is when you are left dirty and alone for hours at the mall so your sister can go bang her boyfriend. Neglect is not chosing to RAISE your kids alone with out the help of a counterpart of the opposite sex. Sadly, your definition of neglect is correct. And no child should ever have to go through that.
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OPINION ONLY....My children are a wonderful product of shared parenting...It was hard when my husband died, but, the youngest was 15 and he had the hardest time...We have always been a close family...Children need the interaction from both, if they are going to grow mentally healthy...I know there are many single parents out there and I also know that it must be difficult to play mom and dad...Each parent has different strengths and children feed off of that...They need to see a loving home environment where mom and dad are happy...All you can do is the best you can..but never give in to their demands...They are not entitled to anything and need to learn the value of money, love, sacrifice and trust...I know I am rambling but Im very passionate the subject concerning my children...
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OPINION ONLY....My children are a wonderful product of shared parenting...It was hard when my husband died, but, the youngest was 15 and he had the hardest time...We have always been a close family...Children need the interaction from both, if they are going to grow mentally healthy...I know there are many single parents out there and I also know that it must be difficult to play mom and dad...Each parent has different strengths and children feed off of that...They need to see a loving home environment where mom and dad are happy...All you can do is the best you can..but never give in to their demands...They are not entitled to anything and need to learn the value of money, love, sacrifice and trust...I know I am rambling but Im very passionate the subject concerning my children... sorry for your loss cuppy and great post 
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Thanks ((((Cute))))
Still finding myself and trying to work with my sons grief now...Never ending love for those that I brought into this world.
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boys need their daddy! Try not to say too much negative stuff about the Daddy, no matter how hard it is... Been there , done that good luck
and in the end...its always the mothers fault! I so agree, try really hard not to say anything negative about his dad or you will be the bad person.. Things have a way of working out. |
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Thanks ((((Cute)))) Still finding myself and trying to work with my sons grief now...Never ending love for those that I brought into this world.
i don't know how you feel about outside help but your local hospice has some great literature on grief and most offer grief counseling.I know my local hospital has a support group for those who have lost loved ones also.good luck to you and yours.They have a strong,grounded mom so thats one check on the plus side. |
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Its okay...treatment ongoing, sweetie...ok
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Its okay...treatment ongoing, sweetie...ok cool. |
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Get the kid a small puppy to care for. Make sure it is not a pit bull, etc... Some Moms/Dads just suck.When the child is old enough he can make his own decision about seeing his other parent. It should not be difficult for a child to have a relationhip with his parent. But, hey that's alright. When that young man has children and all of a sudden daddy wants to be Granpa...tell him granpas were fathers first. The same goes for Moms.
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NO!! some Moms can be both and with the help from family, I did it and My son is great his father was a mess and I did not want that life for my son I have no regrets at all and my son will tell you some times its best not to have at all and he did miss out on some of the father and son things but he was not going to get that from him any way he was 5 at the time of the break up and same goes for my grandson his father is on drugs he does not need to start his life out with that in his life. so I am helping rise him, with my daughter, some times we are better off with out some people in our lifes.
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Get the kid a small puppy to care for. Make sure it is not a pit bull, etc... Some Moms/Dads just suck.When the child is old enough he can make his own decision about seeing his other parent. It should not be difficult for a child to have a relationhip with his parent. But, hey that's alright. When that young man has children and all of a sudden daddy wants to be Granpa...tell him granpas were fathers first. The same goes for Moms. It sometimes takes a lifetime to realize that a person has made a mistake. If he was a lousy father, he may be an awesome grandfather. Sometimes there is a time in our lives that we must forgive and go on, why continue the anger into your childs or grandchilds life...I believe there is room for change. |
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No they dont its as simple as that.
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Kids should have both parents. But I raise my 4 children by myself and they all turned out OK.
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If you can keep both parents in the home then great,otherwise a child can survive with just one parent and still turn out normal.My real dad has 3 kids(me included),and not a single one of us have anything to do with him.Him and my mom divorced when I was 10,and it was the best thing that could've happened to me rather than live in constant turmoil.He told my mom that he was going to run off with me so many times that her lawyer put a restraining order on him for the year that it took to get the divorce finalized.He also said that he wouldnt pay as much in child support on me as he did for both my brothers combined,and I'm a severe asthmatic for crying out loud.If my dad would've gotten custody of me,I probably would have died years ago.Instead he got the book thrown at him and I got to live with my mom.Things were never easy,but if I had to live through it all again I wouldnt change a thing.I'm a better person because he wasnt in my life,and it taught me what not to look for in a guy,without a daily male influence.
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Kids should have both parents. But I raise my 4 children by myself and they all turned out OK.
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I believe there needs to be a balance in their lives. However I don't think it is detrimental to their upbringing or development if the parents are separated or perhaps one of them has passed on. I come from a divorced family. Parents split when I was very young. It was difficult to understand but it becomes a part of who you are after a while.
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I have two boys myself and their fathers arent in their lives and neither was mines. He turned his back on me when he told me I wish u were a boy instead of a useless gurl when I was 9. I am a strong women and u keep being strong!!
I think children should have both parents, but someone men just dont handel their business. I give a hand to single parents!! JJ |
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as a single mom of 4.... here is my experiences and opinion on this matter...
my children had both parents for the majority of all of their lives (except the baby... he was concieved of rape by my ex after we split) their father was abusive to me on a regular basis, and to the children on occasion as well.. DESPITE this fact, i have in the past gone WELL out of my way to try to ensure that he was involved in thier lives.. i drove them the 45 miles (one way) to the town where he was living for them to be able to see him.. he has refused to pay child support to the extent that as soon as the csed finds out where he is working and he gets the notice that they will be taking suport out of his check, he will quit his job, and lay low for a while. living off friends and his "flavor of the week". he will call my house, and harrass me to get me to bring the kids in to see him, and when i show up where we are to meet, he will ether not be there.. or come out long enough to kiss the kids, and tell me that his gf has plans for them and he will not have time for them... throughout all of this.. i do my very best to bite my tounge and not bad mouth him in front of the children.. and have instructedmy family to do the same. i have in recent months stoped bringing the children to see him. and he no longer even asks. he does not call to speak to them, or come to visit them, i dont have a ## to call him, or an address to write him.. about once a month he will send me an email asking how they are. i will send back a reply (generaly including questions for him) but will not recieve a reply back again.. then will hear nothing from him for another month or month n half... every few months he will email or call me threatening to take me to court to take them away from me...but his gf doesnt want them, so it will not happen (i know this because she called me once to tell me that he didnt need his "bastard" children anymore.. and if he wanted "real" children she would be giving them to him.. point in my story.... i have4 beautiful, healthy and well adjusted children, who have all the love that anyone in the world could offer them... in SOME instances... NO it is aucutualy BEST that they only have ONE parent.. jmho..
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Izzie = super mom
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Izzie = super mom
I WISH!!! but thank you sweets..
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