Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Do kids need both parents
Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Wed 05/21/08 12:06 PM
My step-grandmother was married to a fantastic man. He was a great father and grandfather. He has great children. Guess what?! He grew up in an orphange. And just look at how many people that grew up in two parent homes that didn't turn out so well. Just something to think about.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Wed 05/21/08 12:47 PM
Daniel, it is the preferred way but not the necessary way. I have lived it. My child has flourished. That wouldn't have happened if a toxic person was in our lives. I never said you should have a toxic person in your lives. and by that very statement you are suggesting that you feel any male personin your lives (other than friend or business, etc) would be toxic. I proimise you that if this is how you feel, your child WILL grow up to think all men are toxic if taken in any context other than friend, or business, etc. Actually, if you get that female roommate and she stays for one year - that does more harm than good, IMO. The children have bonded with someone and then they are gone. Situations like that fall under the category of constant disappointments. You are under the assumtpion that all contact would be severed, and the pareting would be less than friendly. I say, what if, like any other firend, one of you moves somewhere else, and you remain in contact? If you raise your child to the fact that this person is not their mother/father but someone they can trust and go to if they have a question (the primary role model for that gender), then wether they live with you, or not they will stil lbe a very good primary role model as your child will be ableto trust them and go to them when they feel the need. lets sya you were raised by your fatehr alone, and when you hit "womanhood" the only female adults you knew were teachers, clergy members, and friends of the family. In most cases the female child would be mortified to go to her father about this, yes? well, would you be any more willing to go to someone you did not really kjnow very well, even though they were female? I don't think so. You need that ONE PERSON from each side that you can feelmost comfortable with no matter what. For specifically the reasons of embarrasement, and nerves etc. This happened to my grandfather when my grandmother died. He had two girls left at home. The female child is not mortified to go to the father. There is a special closeness, a bond. They will be able to talk to that father about anything. It does not have to be a woman. I am glad she was able to go to your grandfather about it. The sad thing is though not too many kids have that special closeness enough with the opposite parent (meaning opposite gender) to be able to go to them. And the parent themself is embarrassed a lot fo times as well. i am not saying this is the right attitude, just that it is an issue.

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Wed 05/21/08 12:48 PM
My step-grandmother was married to a fantastic man. He was a great father and grandfather. He has great children. Guess what?! He grew up in an orphange. And just look at how many people that grew up in two parent homes that didn't turn out so well. Just something to think about. Not once did I say it was clear cut dried in stone. it floats all voer hte place, and yes there are good exampls as well as bad. I am simply trying ot point the thought direction towards helping those that might not turn out as well as others have.

cloudedsunshine Joined Thu 05/08/08 Posts: 1375	Wed 05/21/08 01:02 PM
No, constant disappointment is NEVER a good thing to subject a child to. Trust me, My father is a constant flake. And now every relationship I have been in I am certain the guy will flake My point exactly. I am understanding you to mean that dueto your fathers being a flake, you are scared of every man in your life being a flake, right? Well, what do you personally hitnk would have happened, if you had a better primary male role model in your life while growing up? I am not syaing he was a bad person, you just stated hes a flake, which could mean any number of things, lol. But if you had a more stable male role model, do youthink it would be more reasonable to believe you would not have as many issues with worrying about the men in your lfe being like your dad? One reason I ask this, is it has been proven that ladies TEND to choose potential life partners based on what they learned from their parents while growing up. Soif they grew up with a family where themother was always beaten and never protected herself, the child is likely to lookfor a man of hte same mold. And the reverse is true as well. If the man loves and cherishes his wife, takes care of her and respects her, then the child is more likely to look for that in he rlife partner as well. Not only that, but as the childrebn grow oder, tehy will be mre likely to emulate the qualities they see, wether they are good or bad, because that is what they were taught while groweing up. Idk, my stepfather abused me, my biological father flaked my dad flaked, my soon to be ex husband flaked I really think all guys flake.

Amiria Joined Wed 05/21/08 Posts: 29	Wed 05/21/08 01:47 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Wed 05/21/08 02:05 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. short, sweet and right on point yayyyy congratulations

Amiria Joined Wed 05/21/08 Posts: 29	Wed 05/21/08 03:18 PM
glad you agree!!!!

chuck366 Joined Tue 10/16/07 Posts: 4666	Wed 05/21/08 03:18 PM
kids need love

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Wed 05/21/08 03:25 PM
No, constant disappointment is NEVER a good thing to subject a child to. Trust me, My father is a constant flake. And now every relationship I have been in I am certain the guy will flake My point exactly. I am understanding you to mean that dueto your fathers being a flake, you are scared of every man in your life being a flake, right? Well, what do you personally hitnk would have happened, if you had a better primary male role model in your life while growing up? I am not syaing he was a bad person, you just stated hes a flake, which could mean any number of things, lol. But if you had a more stable male role model, do youthink it would be more reasonable to believe you would not have as many issues with worrying about the men in your lfe being like your dad? One reason I ask this, is it has been proven that ladies TEND to choose potential life partners based on what they learned from their parents while growing up. Soif they grew up with a family where themother was always beaten and never protected herself, the child is likely to lookfor a man of hte same mold. And the reverse is true as well. If the man loves and cherishes his wife, takes care of her and respects her, then the child is more likely to look for that in he rlife partner as well. Not only that, but as the childrebn grow oder, tehy will be mre likely to emulate the qualities they see, wether they are good or bad, because that is what they were taught while groweing up. Idk, my stepfather abused me, my biological father flaked my dad flaked, my soon to be ex husband flaked I really think all guys flake. All guys? Wrong answer......You just unfortunately have had the wrong ones in your life

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Wed 05/21/08 03:26 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO

chuck366 Joined Tue 10/16/07 Posts: 4666	Wed 05/21/08 03:27 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO look what the wind blew in! whats up Jim?

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Wed 05/21/08 03:30 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO look what the wind blew in! whats up Jim? Chuck!!! How the hell are you my friend?

chuck366 Joined Tue 10/16/07 Posts: 4666	Wed 05/21/08 03:32 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO look what the wind blew in! whats up Jim? Awesome, been traveling alot...so just pop in here and there to say hi. you? Chuck!!! How the hell are you my friend?

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Wed 05/21/08 03:33 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. Congratulations. She will be more than fine. She will be awesome.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Wed 05/21/08 03:38 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO look what the wind blew in! whats up Jim? Awesome, been traveling alot...so just pop in here and there to say hi. you? Chuck!!! How the hell are you my friend? I stopped all my traveling a few months ago thankfully. It killed me, now I finally have an office based at home! Otherwise great, I thought about Boston the other day when talking to a friend,,,and I told myself...MAN! What the hell is Chuck up to? I need to drink a beer with him!

Amiria Joined Wed 05/21/08 Posts: 29	Wed 05/21/08 03:59 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. Congratulations. She will be more than fine. She will be awesome. Thanks so much!!

Amiria Joined Wed 05/21/08 Posts: 29	Wed 05/21/08 04:02 PM
It is best for the child to have a happy home, if there is two parents "great" but if not "oh well." I'm single and pregnant and I know my daughter will be just fine. "Oh well" is a poor attitude to have toward that..JMO one has to make to best out thier situation, no use in worrying about things that can not be change...think you took it the wrong way...i wish that my daughter had her father but that is not possible so i will stive to do every thing i can to make her life beautiful

daniel48706 Joined Fri 03/16/07 Posts: 8566	Wed 05/21/08 07:49 PM
too bad some peoples attitudes of "oh well I am enough of a parent that my chid doesnt need another one" can't be changed to even "oh well, I am sorry my child cant have their other parent, but I will try and make sure he/she has a good role model that they see ona adaily basis to look up to and follow". i am sorry but the genral attitude shwn in here (and again I am not naming names, just saying general) is that as a single parent you dont care if they have another {b]PRIMARY, OR EVEN DAILY role model in their life opposite of you. I am sorry folks, but kids need to see both men and women while growing up, and they need to see two of them on a daily basis. No one of them does not need to be a parent. But they do still need the daily interaction in order to learn how to act as an adulkt and what to look for whne they grow up. This attitude of "I am too busy with my own life, and making my child happy" (direct quote) is truly appalling. Make time to involve an opposite adult on a daily basis for your child. remember folks, too much of a good thing can be bad for anyone, that includes too much of one stable parent and no other influence. Children need balance intheir lives, complete balance.

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Wed 05/21/08 07:58 PM Edited by Winx on Wed 05/21/08 08:14 PM
My step-grandmother was married to a fantastic man. He was a great father and grandfather. He has great children. Guess what?! He grew up in an orphange. And just look at how many people that grew up in two parent homes that didn't turn out so well. Just something to think about. Not once did I say it was clear cut dried in stone. it floats all voer hte place, and yes there are good exampls as well as bad. I am simply trying ot point the thought direction towards helping those that might not turn out as well as others have. Daniel, you weren't simply "trying" to point the thought in that direction. You went beyond saying it was clear cut dried in stone. It was your way or we were wrong. At least two people left this thread because of it. You were being rude and confrontational, IMO. You were telling us that we were negligent parents if we did not work on finding our children proper role models every day. You insisted that we weren't doing our job if we did not find a role replacement. You told me, mistakenly, that I was teaching my child that men were toxic. This is not helping anybody.

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Wed 05/21/08 08:07 PM Edited by Winx on Wed 05/21/08 08:28 PM
too bad some peoples attitudes of "oh well I am enough of a parent that my chid doesnt need another one" can't be changed to even "oh well, I am sorry my child cant have their other parent, but I will try and make sure he/she has a good role model that they see ona adaily basis to look up to and follow". i am sorry but the genral attitude shwn in here (and again I am not naming names, just saying general) is that as a single parent you dont care if they have another {b]PRIMARY, OR EVEN DAILY role model in their life opposite of you. I am sorry folks, but kids need to see both men and women while growing up, and they need to see two of them on a daily basis. No one of them does not need to be a parent. But they do still need the daily interaction in order to learn how to act as an adulkt and what to look for whne they grow up. This attitude of "I am too busy with my own life, and making my child happy" (direct quote) is truly appalling. Make time to involve an opposite adult on a daily basis for your child. remember folks, too much of a good thing can be bad for anyone, that includes too much of one stable parent and no other influence. Children need balance intheir lives, complete balance. Daniel, you owe me an apology. You misread my post. And you have the nerve to be appalled?! I am appalled at the extreme position you are shoving down our throats. Who do you think you are to tell experienced, educated mothers what to do? Do you have any background in psychology? I clarified in a post what you are misreading and you are ignoring it. I never said that I was busy with my own life. My child is my life. And I will tell you again - my child's mental, physical, and emotional health and happiness is my priority. I gave up my social life to see to that. You do owe me an apology.