I stand firm - A child does not NEED.

You want to get technical the only thing anybody, NEEDS is food, water, clothing/shelter and love. Nothing else is a needed.

After those four basic needs are met, you get into what a person should ideally have. So yes, technically you are right, a child does not need two parents. But ont he same isde, you could say a child does not need to ever have the chance to grow up with their biological parents. That all children upon birth are put into a raffles ystem, where they are then handed out indiscriminately (making sure of course to only hand out to those responsible and caring enough to provide).

So, instead of us arguing over this, lets simply agree that it woul d be inthe childs best interest, if at all possible, to have two parents that are mature and responsible, even if those parens are not married or a couple.

What I am trying to say, is if one parent (or bnoth) are bad, the child should have them replaced. The child should not have to go with just one parent, becuae the ohter parent is a vuck up.
By all means I agree, remove a bad parent (I did in my ex-wifes case; or rather the courts did). However, the child should still have two parental figures in their life, even if one of them isnt the biological one.

I never said go out and get remarried. I said the child needs a parental role model. You could very easily provide that in any number of ways. Just as an example (and not suggesting this is for you), my brother and sister live together inorder for their children to have responsible parental role models form both sides.
And yes, I know the big brother/siste rprogram will not mix genders. I wish they would as it would provdie some much needed rolemodels for all the kids involved.

As for the rest of it, I never once said it was or would be easy. I am a single parent, just like yourself. My ex lost all custodial rights at the divorce, and is in the process of losing her visitation because she is so much of a screw up. I do not have a good female role model for my children right now, other than their aunt and my mother, both of whom they dont see daily, and very soon willbe seeing less than five times a year, as the children and I are moving to New York, and my sister and mother are in michigan..
however, once I ge tto New York, I will probably be putting out a request for a female roomate (specifically a female) who would be willing to provide that repsonsible and mature role model for my children. And dont you dare go the route other people have and suggets my motivations behind such a roomate are anything other than looking for the best interest of my children.

I agree that it is not easy being a parent, let alone a single parent. nice and perfect world. Does this happen? very rarely. But it should[/However, for the sake of the child, we single parents should do everyhting in our power to provide them with a positive mature role from both genders on a daily basis, just as if they were living with both parents ina b] be happening more and more often.

Daniel,

I am glad that you have the time to do everything in your power to provide your children with a positive mature role model from both genders on a daily basis.

I am too busy and happy to be doing that. I am too busy taking care of my child and making a happy life for them.

As far as I am concerned (and I am not naming anyone specifically here), if you are choosing, note I said choosing, not incapable of, or having a hard time doing so, but choosing to not have a positive female and male influence in your childs life, you are guilty of neglect.
Again, the key word is choosing. You do not have to go out and get remarried to provide someone in your childs life. You do not have to have a room mate, to provide someone in your childs life. All you need to do is have someone opposite of your gender, who is a good role model, in your childs life on a regular basis, so that as they grow up, they can learn about the other gender as well as yours, wether they be a young girl or a young boy. ALL kids need to have the positive influence of both male and females in their lives while growing up, so that they can interact responsibly and in a mature manner when they grow up. I know not everyone agrees that this is so, but if you do a little looking into it, there are a lot of studies that back this idea up.

Again, I know itis hard being a singel parent, I am one myself, but I honestly can not see any reason at all to refuse to even try and have both a male and a female positive influence in your childs life. That would be like saying, I don't have the time to go out and ride my bike for liesure anymore, so my child wont have a bike.

make time to find that positive influence, for your childs sake.

Role models - Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, cousins, pastors, church members, coaches at school, neighbors, friends' parents, and more. They are everywhere.

Role models - Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, cousins, pastors, church members, coaches at school, neighbors, friends' parents, and more. They are everywhere.

No, constant disappointment is NEVER a good thing to subject a child to. Trust me, My father is a constant flake. And now every relationship I have been in I am certain the guy will flake

I mentioned earlier, it takes 2 (or more people thanks to modern medicine to make a child) but it takes a village to raise him/her. Can include extended family/friends/teachers/etc.

Yes good role models are everywhere, but a child needs a primary role model for both the female and male sides. This means they need one male and one female to take responsibility in showing the general acceptable behavior, and mature behavior on a day to day basis.

I agree with you one hundred percent ont hat statement. It DOES take a village, no matter what. BUt I stillfeel a child should have two primary male and female role models in theiur life while growing up. And again, Ia m not syaing you have to get into a relationship with someone to provide that. Or to live with someone. But you shouldnt be refusing to try and find a person to be that primary role model, even if you do nto have a relationship with them yourself. Does this make sense?

Daniel, it is the preferred way but not the necessary way. I have lived it. My child has flourished. That wouldn't have happened if a toxic person was in our lives.

Actually, if you get that female roommate and she stays for one year - that does more harm than good, IMO. The children have bonded with someone and then they are gone. Situations like that fall under the category of constant disappointments.

Daniel, I understand what you are trying to say, but your emphasis on a primary/secondary are neither here nor there. You mention, you shouldnt be refusing to try and find a person sounds so amusing to me, as though we should have applications or interviews for this process.

An uncle, a brother, a grandfather, the neighbor down the street, why should there be one primary role model - dont you think they all are?

No they are not all primary role models. read what I just postd prior to this one, and I think you wills ee what I am referring to better.

this was in response to another person specifically stating "I am too busy and happy to be doing that. I am too busy taking care of my child and making a happy life for them." which was in response to providing a male(?) role model. She literally stated she was too busy with her own life and making her daughter happy to try and make sure she had a good male role model.

I never said you should have a toxic person in your lives. and by that very statement you are suggesting that you feel any male personin your lives (other than friend or business, etc) would be toxic. I proimise you that if this is how you feel, your child WILL grow up to think all men are toxic if taken in any context other than friend, or business, etc.



You are under the assumtpion that all contact would be severed, and the pareting would be less than friendly. I say, what if, like any other firend, one of you moves somewhere else, and you remain in contact? If you raise your child to the fact that this person is not their mother/father but someone they can trust and go to if they have a question (the primary role model for that gender), then wether they live with you, or not they will stil lbe a very good primary role model as your child will be ableto trust them and go to them when they feel the need.

lets sya you were raised by your fatehr alone, and when you hit "womanhood" the only female adults you knew were teachers, clergy members, and friends of the family. In most cases the female child would be mortified to go to her father about this, yes? well, would you be any more willing to go to someone you did not really kjnow very well, even though they were female? I don't think so. You need that ONE PERSON from each side that you can feelmost comfortable with no matter what. For specifically the reasons of embarrasement, and nerves etc.