I have said it over and over again, that it is not an absolute need. I even described what DOES qualify as yuor basic needs, food water cshelter and love. you dont NEED anything else, as I satated ina n earlier post. But shuld you HAVE? yes. As a single parent, shjuld you do everything in your power to ensure your child HAS? yes

and by making the following statement, it was stated that the motehr was too busy to een try and find a primary male role for her child:
She goes on to say she is too busy raising her child and making the child happy. Well, maybe (my opinion) she should substitute one of the things that she is doing to make her happy, and try to involve a primary male figure in the childs life. Again this is my opinion, not my trying to tell anyone they are wrong or that their opinion doe snot count.

For example, if a 7 year old child wants to stay up until 3 in the morning watching tv and eating candy on a school night, are you going to let her do it? I would hope y ou said no, even though it would make the child happy to do so. So now you have to look at what you are doing to make the chil d happy, and see if any of that time could be better spent having that child have another daily rolemodel/mentor/parental figure, whatever you want to call it, in their life. And again, this does not mean you yourself have to have a relationship with the person other than friendship (you dont even have to have that as long as the two of you can bepolite and nice to each other)

I am getting frustrated, Fanta.

You look good frustrated...

This thread almost had me revealing my personal feelings and experiences.....

You ladies all sound like wonderful mothers to me.

I have been keeping up with this post and watching, and with no surprise there have been several comments made that are quite disturbing...

My question to any other parent that is single and the other parent is not involved, or simply not involved as much as you would like is this..."Have you done your part to help the other parent to be more involved?"

I have seen it and heard it way too many times. The one sole parent of the child holds their personal issues against the other parent through the child. Whether it be through visitation or money, just because your ex cheated on you is no excuse to deprive the child, just becuase your ex may have done anything to you holds no weight on any fact of depriving the child. This happens all too much where the child is affected due to what the parents emotions are. I have a friend who has to pay a RIDICULOUS amount of child support and he is very involved with his child. The guidelines in his favor were not fair at all. He can barely live! Some parents unfortunately run away from their child because they simply cant afford it. Is this right? Not at all, is it reality? Yes....Both Mothers and Fathers pull this. Also in regards to visitation, all this crap about "You can see your child next Thursday, or you can see them in 3 weeks. Who has the right to control anyone from seeing their own child? My ex "tried" to pull that crap 4 years ago with me, she tried it once...Because I did not allow it to go any further. I had her ass in the courtroom under and emergency hearing and she lost. Have had no problems since....

Regardless of what anyone says, any books or studies you look at, ask the child when they are in their 20's. Did you wish you had a Mother/Father in your life? I would be willing to say all of them will say..YES!!! This doesnt necessarily have to be the biological parent,..just the role. Both male and female parents are going to provide a different form of support in teachng and guidance in life's ways. Most daughter's like to be the "Daddys girl", and most boys can be labeled "Mommas boy", thankfully I was very close to both my parents and still am today....

Obviously if the other parent has passed away, there is nothing you can do. But I ask a parent when they say.."My ex is an alcoholic or drug user, no way am I leaving my kids with them!" ...Well, why the hell did you consider having a child with this type of person? Think about all consequences involved before bearing a child. It's not all about a tax credit....

I could and will not ever understand why another parent simply would not want to be involved in their childs life. I truly believe in most cases (not all) but most, the result of why they are not is because of what the other parent has put them through. As much as my ex and I dislike each other, we still work together as a "family". My daughter knows that Mommy and Daddy both love her, are both involved deeply, she is exposed to only kindness acts between us, and we make any and all decisions together.....If you truly feel you have done everything you can to help the other parent be involved and not chase them away, then kudos to you, keep up the good work...But I think the question from the OP should be changed...Instead of needing it should be wanting....

I only "need" a few things. Needing a parent to live and grow obviously is not needed. I need money to pay my bills, I need food and water to survive without hunger, these are things that are needed...Wanting something is a form of satisfaction to ensure your life's happiness a little more...

Do kids "want" both parents....Yes, they do...so do your part to give it to them It's about them....Not you

Parents in summation must be asked the question "When are you going to hate your ex less so that you can start loving your kids better?"

Excellent!!! Great quote...That is majority of what happens..JMO

I know I have done all i can to make my son availible to Dad but his consistency rating with all his children,not just my son is a big fat zero so I know its nothing I have done except to call him to task for his poor choices or try and conjole him into being a Dad instead of a visitor.His present absentee status is his choice and I refuse to hold a 45 yr old mans hand .He knows he has kids,its up to him to make time for them.I am to busy making a life for my son and I .My daughter is married with children ,my parents live nearby,my son has many good adults in his life and even though Brandon has issues they will be resolved whether Dad is there or not.We have a full ,busy life.
PS .we have joint custody,what a joke.

And I don't even know where you get this stuff. I say I am making my child happy over and over again with their physical, mental and emotional well being and somehow you equate this with a child staying up until 3 in the morning eating candy.
You have quite an imagination.

You look good frustrated...

This thread almost had me revealing my personal feelings and experiences.....

You ladies all sound like wonderful mothers to me.

From what I have seen of ALL their posts int he forums they are GREAT mothers. I am just trying to get some to see the idea that it would not be a BAD idea if they tried to get a more daily male role model for their child (or a female role model for a singel father). NOT that they get married; NOT that they get involved with some male; god forbid they have a total stranger, as someone suggests, be a daily role model, that would be insane.
All I am looking for is a concession from them that it would not be a BAD idea if they, the single parent looked for someone of the opposite sex, that could be a daily role model for their children. Not to be their new spouse or significant other, but a role model who the child sees on a daily basis every singel day (for the most part).

From what I have seen of ALL their posts int he forums they are GREAT mothers. I am just trying to get some to see the idea that it would not be a BAD idea if they tried to get a more daily male role model for their child (or a female role model for a singel father). NOT that they get married; NOT that they get involved with some male; god forbid they have a total stranger, as someone suggests, be a daily role model, that would be insane.
All I am looking for is a concession from them that it would not be a BAD idea if they, the single parent looked for someone of the opposite sex, that could be a daily role model for their children. Not to be their new spouse or significant other, but a role model who the child sees on a daily basis every singel day (for the most part).

For one, I have never said if I have a boy or a girl.

My child has role models - Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, coaches, Pastors, neighbors, friends' parents.

This every single day thing is obessive in IMO. You are entitled to your opinion, but to me, daily is not necessary.
But...you are not entitled to critizing people for having a different opinion from yours and saying that we are neglective mothers.

ok I am going to ask this once and once only. stop putting words in my mouth and stop changing what I say around to try and make yourself sound right

I have never once specifically accused you or any other person of being neglective. I stated that it was my opinion that a refusal to try and find a daily (primary) role model of the opposit sex to yourself (parent in question) is neglect. You have stated that you feel you have already found daily role models for your child(ren). I may not agree with that, but that is your opinion.

You are saying that "if we don't try and find a daily primary role model of the opposite sex for our child is neglect". In another post you even mentioned trying very hard to find this role model and even suggested that we have our child give up an activity to put forth more effort to find this role model. Even said that you were appalled.

That is calling us, that haven't found a "daily" role model due to life's circumstances, "neglectful".

How on earth is that putting words in your month?
Puh-lease.

In my personal opinion, if you are unwilling, or outright refuse, to try and find a good daily role model for your children, yes it is neglect. The key words are unwilling, and refuse.

I am outta here now. I am tired of the intentional twisting of words, and intent by some people to try and suggest somethig is being said when it isnt.