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| Topic: Do kids need both parents | |
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Edited by
cutelildevilsmom
on
Wed 05/21/08 08:23 PM
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daniel my kid sees plenty of teachers,my friends and my family.i'm sorry for the hurt my ex has caused my son due to his poor choices but ultimately my son is better off observing me,the parent who is there day after day,then emulating an ass who hasn't seen his kid in almost 2 yrs,gimme a break.
like winx i have very little social life .unlike her son mine has issues which i have to deal with myself because my son's father is a child support chek and only wants contact with my son on his terms which is on and off.the man isnt even in the country right now.my son has an awesome therapist and a damn good mother. first people ***** cause you dont take responsibility,then they ***** cause ya don't grab the first person on the street to become a role model.Must be a full moon. |
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I raised my 4 children by myself. They are all fine adults now. Their Mom didn t want to be in their lifes.
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good for you Tanler!!
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good for you Tanler!!
Good for both of you. Our children are better for what we have done for them.
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good for you Tanler!!
Good for both of you. Our children are better for what we have done for them.
 to you Winx.
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good for you Tanler!!
Good for both of you. Our children are better for what we have done for them.
to you Winx.
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I know that I am doing Great, and a great parent for both of my kids. With that being said, at this point in their lives, (son-13 daughter 10) I think that them not having a father, dad, father figure in their lives bothers me more than them...
Example: Son plays soccer and has for 7 years, and just watching the dads at the soccer fields with their kids, and how they act and react towards each other, it really bothers me that my son dont know that feeling, except from me, not a DAD... Again, I do think that my son has felt the feeling of wanting a DAD, but again, maybe I want him to feel it more than him. Daughter is the same way. How nice is it to grow up as a DADDY'S GIRL.... It is wonderful, I know, I was a daddy's girl growing up.... Even though me and my daughter are close, she is my one child that sees her dad, passing by on the streets sometimes, and I know that it hurts her that he dont come and see her, or get her, or do anything, never has... We havent too long moved to a city where the norm is a 2 parent household, above average income families, the finer things in life are a norm thing for them, doing their thing. My household, single mom, and even though I am not struggling, there is so much more that I want to do for my kids financially, but that is my wanting, and we never have to do without, and do get alot of what we want, after we get what we need... Bottom line is, My kids are all I have in my world, and they are the reason I get out of bed every morning. Since the birth of my kids, I live for them, and they are my #1!!! Single Mom of 2 of the greatest kids in the world! |
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I have been keeping up with this post and watching, and with no surprise there have been several comments made that are quite disturbing...
My question to any other parent that is single and the other parent is not involved, or simply not involved as much as you would like is this..."Have you done your part to help the other parent to be more involved?" I have seen it and heard it way too many times. The one sole parent of the child holds their personal issues against the other parent through the child. Whether it be through visitation or money, just because your ex cheated on you is no excuse to deprive the child, just becuase your ex may have done anything to you holds no weight on any fact of depriving the child. This happens all too much where the child is affected due to what the parents emotions are. I have a friend who has to pay a RIDICULOUS amount of child support and he is very involved with his child. The guidelines in his favor were not fair at all. He can barely live! Some parents unfortunately run away from their child because they simply cant afford it. Is this right? Not at all, is it reality? Yes....Both Mothers and Fathers pull this. Also in regards to visitation, all this crap about "You can see your child next Thursday, or you can see them in 3 weeks. Who has the right to control anyone from seeing their own child? My ex "tried" to pull that crap 4 years ago with me, she tried it once...Because I did not allow it to go any further. I had her ass in the courtroom under and emergency hearing and she lost. Have had no problems since.... Regardless of what anyone says, any books or studies you look at, ask the child when they are in their 20's. Did you wish you had a Mother/Father in your life? I would be willing to say all of them will say..YES!!! This doesnt necessarily have to be the biological parent,..just the role. Both male and female parents are going to provide a different form of support in teachng and guidance in life's ways. Most daughter's like to be the "Daddys girl", and most boys can be labeled "Mommas boy", thankfully I was very close to both my parents and still am today.... Obviously if the other parent has passed away, there is nothing you can do. But I ask a parent when they say.."My ex is an alcoholic or drug user, no way am I leaving my kids with them!" ...Well, why the hell did you consider having a child with this type of person? Think about all consequences involved before bearing a child. It's not all about a tax credit.... I could and will not ever understand why another parent simply would not want to be involved in their childs life. I truly believe in most cases (not all) but most, the result of why they are not is because of what the other parent has put them through. As much as my ex and I dislike each other, we still work together as a "family". My daughter knows that Mommy and Daddy both love her, are both involved deeply, she is exposed to only kindness acts between us, and we make any and all decisions together.....If you truly feel you have done everything you can to help the other parent be involved and not chase them away, then kudos to you, keep up the good work...But I think the question from the OP should be changed...Instead of needing it should be wanting.... I only "need" a few things. Needing a parent to live and grow obviously is not needed. I need money to pay my bills, I need food and water to survive without hunger, these are things that are needed...Wanting something is a form of satisfaction to ensure your life's happiness a little more... Do kids "want" both parents....Yes, they do...so do your part to give it to them It's about them....Not you 
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Do kids need both parents? NO. It is better to have one fantastic parent than one fantastic parent and a horrible, hurting one. IMO Brava . . . It all depends on which one or two they get . . . |
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I have been keeping up with this post and watching, and with no surprise there have been several comments made that are quite disturbing... My question to any other parent that is single and the other parent is not involved, or simply not involved as much as you would like is this..."Have you done your part to help the other parent to be more involved?" Most everyone here has agreed that a 2 parent household is preferable but not mandatory. Another member tried very hard to 'tell' the rest of us how it was imperative, a fallacy. Personally speaking you can only bring the horse to the water cant make the horse drink (personally speaking) so yes, I'd respond. I have seen it and heard it way too many times. The one sole parent of the child holds their personal issues against the other parent through the child. Whether it be through visitation or money, just because your ex cheated on you is no excuse to deprive the child, just becuase your ex may have done anything to you holds no weight on any fact of depriving the child. This happens all too much where the child is affected due to what the parents emotions are. I have a friend who has to pay a RIDICULOUS amount of child support and he is very involved with his child. The guidelines in his favor were not fair at all. He can barely live! Some parents unfortunately run away from their child because they simply cant afford it. Is this right? Not at all, is it reality? Yes....Both Mothers and Fathers pull this. Also in regards to visitation, all this crap about "You can see your child next Thursday, or you can see them in 3 weeks. Who has the right to control anyone from seeing their own child? My ex "tried" to pull that crap 4 years ago with me, she tried it once...Because I did not allow it to go any further. I had her ass in the courtroom under and emergency hearing and she lost. Have had no problems since.... cannot make nor would I attempt to make any judgement call as I too have seen too many people abuse their rights and use their kids as a means of getting back at the other parent, but this was not the issue in this post
Regardless of what anyone says, any books or studies you look at, ask the child when they are in their 20's. Did you wish you had a Mother/Father in your life? I would be willing to say all of them will say..YES!!! This doesnt necessarily have to be the biological parent,..just the role. Both male and female parents are going to provide a different form of support in teachng and guidance in life's ways. Most daughter's like to be the "Daddys girl", and most boys can be labeled "Mommas boy", thankfully I was very close to both my parents and still am today.... I had uncles, cousins, neighbors, members of the church, teachers, who all served as role models, they are not required nor were they needed in my household to provide me w/love, guidance, etc. Obviously if the other parent has passed away, there is nothing you can do. But I ask a parent when they say.."My ex is an alcoholic or drug user, no way am I leaving my kids with them!" ...Well, why the hell did you consider having a child with this type of person? Think about all consequences involved before bearing a child. It's not all about a tax credit.... I could and will not ever understand why another parent simply would not want to be involved in their childs life. I truly believe in most cases (not all) but most, the result of why they are not is because of what the other parent has put them through. As much as my ex and I dislike each other, we still work together as a "family". My daughter knows that Mommy and Daddy both love her, are both involved deeply, she is exposed to only kindness acts between us, and we make any and all decisions together.....If you truly feel you have done everything you can to help the other parent be involved and not chase them away, then kudos to you, keep up the good work...But I think the question from the OP should be changed...Instead of needing it should be wanting.... I was raised by my mother, not once did she bad mouth my father, who did have visitation rights to us as children, but found the travel was too much and stopped visiting and or contacting us. His choice not ours, did I miss him in my 20's, sorry to say not, to this day I think it's his loss not mine. **that was the point I was trying to make until someone decided they were right and I was wrong (lol), instead of the verbage; needed it should be wanted knew we'd see eye to eye sooner or later. lol
I only "need" a few things. Needing a parent to live and grow obviously is not needed. I need money to pay my bills, I need food and water to survive without hunger, these are things that are needed...Wanting something is a form of satisfaction to ensure your life's happiness a little more... Do kids "want" both parents....Yes, they do...so do your part to give it to them It's about them....Not you
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In repsonse to Jim, I do not know who my sons father is, I was date raped at 16, and my daughters father has had ample opportunity to be in her life, I would never deny that access, and in fact encourage it to him to be part of her life, he chooses not too, and YES, HE PAYS HELLA CHILD SUPPORT TOO (he drives trucks for SYSCO Foods been there 11 years), and maybe he holds that out against me, but takes it out on my daughter. Who knows, and I sure as hell dont care because he is going to do his part financially taking care of her, it is up to him to take part in her life!!!
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I have seen to many children suffer from the parents playing one against the other to the child. I was widowed and I was mom and dad to my 10 yr. old daughter, we were both daddiesgirls, so we had that bond, I made sure she did all the things her father taught her, fishing, hunting and golfing. She did modeling, dance, voice. She is a beautiful, well educated, self-sufficient 27 year old.
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No, constant disappointment is NEVER a good thing to subject a child to. Trust me, My father is a constant flake. And now every relationship I have been in I am certain the guy will flake My point exactly. I am understanding you to mean that dueto your fathers being a flake, you are scared of every man in your life being a flake, right? Well, what do you personally hitnk would have happened, if you had a better primary male role model in your life while growing up? I am not syaing he was a bad person, you just stated hes a flake, which could mean any number of things, lol. But if you had a more stable male role model, do youthink it would be more reasonable to believe you would not have as many issues with worrying about the men in your lfe being like your dad? One reason I ask this, is it has been proven that ladies TEND to choose potential life partners based on what they learned from their parents while growing up. Soif they grew up with a family where themother was always beaten and never protected herself, the child is likely to lookfor a man of hte same mold. And the reverse is true as well. If the man loves and cherishes his wife, takes care of her and respects her, then the child is more likely to look for that in he rlife partner as well. Not only that, but as the childrebn grow oder, tehy will be mre likely to emulate the qualities they see, wether they are good or bad, because that is what they were taught while groweing up. Idk, my stepfather abused me, my biological father flaked my dad flaked, my soon to be ex husband flaked I really think all guys flake. All guys?  
Wrong answer......You just unfortunately have had the wrong ones in your life I think all guys flake is what I said. I didn't say that all guys flake, but that I THINK they do. |
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too bad some peoples attitudes of "oh well I am enough of a parent that my chid doesnt need another one" can't be changed to even "oh well, I am sorry my child cant have their other parent, but I will try and make sure he/she has a good role model that they see ona adaily basis to look up to and follow". i am sorry but the genral attitude shwn in here (and again I am not naming names, just saying general) is that as a single parent you dont care if they have another {b]PRIMARY, OR EVEN DAILY role model in their life opposite of you. I am sorry folks, but kids need to see both men and women while growing up, and they need to see two of them on a daily basis. No one of them does not need to be a parent. But they do still need the daily interaction in order to learn how to act as an adulkt and what to look for whne they grow up. This attitude of "I am too busy with my own life, and making my child happy" (direct quote) is truly appalling. Make time to involve an opposite adult on a daily basis for your child. remember folks, too much of a good thing can be bad for anyone, that includes too much of one stable parent and no other influence. Children need balance intheir lives, complete balance. Daniel, you owe me an apology. 
You misread my post. And you have the nerve to be appalled?! I am appalled at the extreme position you are shoving down our throats. Who do you think you are to tell experienced, educated mothers what to do? Do you have any background in psychology? I clarified in a post what you are misreading and you are ignoring it. I never said that I was busy with my own life. My child is my life. And I will tell you again - my child's mental, physical, and emotional health and happiness is my priority. I gave up my social life to see to that. You do owe me an apology. If you feel I misunderstood your post, then I apoogize. however, the words you used, and the way you wrote it, you can not claim I was wrong in the way I understood it, even if it was not what you meant. I am sorry if this offends you, but what you mean and what you write (and this goes for anyuone, myself included) is not always the same thing. |
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daniel my kid sees plenty of teachers,my friends and my family.i'm sorry for the hurt my ex has caused my son due to his poor choices but ultimately my son is better off observing me,the parent who is there day after day,then emulating an ass who hasn't seen his kid in almost 2 yrs,gimme a break. like winx i have very little social life .unlike her son mine has issues which i have to deal with myself because my son's father is a child support chek and only wants contact with my son on his terms which is on and off.the man isnt even in the country right now.my son has an awesome therapist and a damn good mother. first people ***** cause you dont take responsibility,then they ***** cause ya don't grab the first person on the street to become a role model.Must be a full moon. Again, I am sorry for those who misunderstand me when I say a single parent needs to find a primary role model for daily life, to assist the singel parent in raising the child. NOT ONCE HAVE I EVER SAID YOU NEED TO GO OUT AND GET MARRIED OR HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE WITH THIS OTHER PERSON OTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP, although I have made a couple suggestions on what might work for different people. I also have stated that yes, teachers, clergy, neighbors, friends can all be good role models, but (as I have also stated)it is MY opinion that a child needs two PRIMARY role models for DAILY guidance, along with all the other role models. It takes a village (as another person posted) to raise a child. BUT it takes two pPRIMARY role models to gie the BEST possible guidance. And yes both role models need tobe good role models. Not, parents who only wnat to see the child when it is convenient for them, or who cares more for their personal life than their childs. |
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I have been keeping up with this post and watching, and with no surprise there have been several comments made that are quite disturbing... My question to any other parent that is single and the other parent is not involved, or simply not involved as much as you would like is this..."Have you done your part to help the other parent to be more involved?" I have seen it and heard it way too many times. The one sole parent of the child holds their personal issues against the other parent through the child. Whether it be through visitation or money, just because your ex cheated on you is no excuse to deprive the child, just becuase your ex may have done anything to you holds no weight on any fact of depriving the child. This happens all too much where the child is affected due to what the parents emotions are. I have a friend who has to pay a RIDICULOUS amount of child support and he is very involved with his child. The guidelines in his favor were not fair at all. He can barely live! Some parents unfortunately run away from their child because they simply cant afford it. Is this right? Not at all, is it reality? Yes....Both Mothers and Fathers pull this. Also in regards to visitation, all this crap about "You can see your child next Thursday, or you can see them in 3 weeks. Who has the right to control anyone from seeing their own child? My ex "tried" to pull that crap 4 years ago with me, she tried it once...Because I did not allow it to go any further. I had her ass in the courtroom under and emergency hearing and she lost. Have had no problems since.... Regardless of what anyone says, any books or studies you look at, ask the child when they are in their 20's. Did you wish you had a Mother/Father in your life? I would be willing to say all of them will say..YES!!! This doesnt necessarily have to be the biological parent,..just the role. Both male and female parents are going to provide a different form of support in teachng and guidance in life's ways. Most daughter's like to be the "Daddys girl", and most boys can be labeled "Mommas boy", thankfully I was very close to both my parents and still am today.... Obviously if the other parent has passed away, there is nothing you can do. But I ask a parent when they say.."My ex is an alcoholic or drug user, no way am I leaving my kids with them!" ...Well, why the hell did you consider having a child with this type of person? Think about all consequences involved before bearing a child. It's not all about a tax credit.... I could and will not ever understand why another parent simply would not want to be involved in their childs life. I truly believe in most cases (not all) but most, the result of why they are not is because of what the other parent has put them through. As much as my ex and I dislike each other, we still work together as a "family". My daughter knows that Mommy and Daddy both love her, are both involved deeply, she is exposed to only kindness acts between us, and we make any and all decisions together.....If you truly feel you have done everything you can to help the other parent be involved and not chase them away, then kudos to you, keep up the good work...But I think the question from the OP should be changed...Instead of needing it should be wanting.... I only "need" a few things. Needing a parent to live and grow obviously is not needed. I need money to pay my bills, I need food and water to survive without hunger, these are things that are needed...Wanting something is a form of satisfaction to ensure your life's happiness a little more... Do kids "want" both parents....Yes, they do...so do your part to give it to them It's about them....Not you
Excellent post Jim, and although I still believe a child actually needs both roles in their life, you are right in that they can survive without both. |
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thats what most of us here have been saying, and you have been adamant about proving otherwise.
What is it because Jim said it, it now makes sense 
either way, to each their own
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Edited by
daniel48706
on
Thu 05/22/08 11:01 AM
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thats what most of us here have been saying, and you have been adamant about proving otherwise. What is it because Jim said it, it now makes sense
either way, to each their own
I have said it over and over again, that it is not an absolute need. I even described what DOES qualify as yuor basic needs, food water cshelter and love. you dont NEED anything else, as I satated ina n earlier post. But shuld you HAVE? yes. As a single parent, shjuld you do everything in your power to ensure your child HAS? yes and by making the following statement, it was stated that the motehr was too busy to een try and find a primary male role for her child: I am too busy and happy to be doing that. I am too busy taking care of my child and making a happy life for them.
She goes on to say she is too busy raising her child and making the child happy. Well, maybe (my opinion) she should substitute one of the things that she is doing to make her happy, and try to involve a primary male figure in the childs life. Again this is my opinion, not my trying to tell anyone they are wrong or that their opinion doe snot count. For example, if a 7 year old child wants to stay up until 3 in the morning watching tv and eating candy on a school night, are you going to let her do it? I would hope y ou said no, even though it would make the child happy to do so. So now you have to look at what you are doing to make the chil d happy, and see if any of that time could be better spent having that child have another daily rolemodel/mentor/parental figure, whatever you want to call it, in their life. And again, this does not mean you yourself have to have a relationship with the person other than friendship (you dont even have to have that as long as the two of you can bepolite and nice to each other) |
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thats what most of us here have been saying, and you have been adamant about proving otherwise. What is it because Jim said it, it now makes sense
either way, to each their own
I have said it over and over again, that it is not an absolute need. I even described what DOES qualify as yuor basic needs, food water cshelter and love. you dont NEED anything else, as I satated ina n earlier post. But shuld you HAVE? yes. As a single parent, shjuld you do everything in your power to ensure your child HAS? yes and by making the following statement, it was stated that the motehr was too busy to een try and find a primary male role for her child: I am too busy and happy to be doing that. I am too busy taking care of my child and making a happy life for them.
She goes on to say she is too busy raising her child and making the child happy. Well, maybe (my opinion) she should substitute one of the things that she is doing to make her happy, and try to involve a primary male figure in the childs life. Again this is my opinion, not my trying to tell anyone they are wrong or that their opinion doe snot count. For example, if a 7 year old child wants to stay up until 3 in the morning watching tv and eating candy on a school night, are you going to let her do it? I would hope y ou said no, even though it would make the child happy to do so. So now you have to look at what you are doing to make the chil d happy, and see if any of that time could be better spent having that child have another daily rolemodel/mentor/parental figure, whatever you want to call it, in their life. And again, this does not mean you yourself have to have a relationship with the person other than friendship (you dont even have to have that as long as the two of you can bepolite and nice to each other) Daniel, good luck sunshine, have a great day. Your attempts at trying to prove your point/view/opinion are giving me a headache, you mean well but are all over the place (jmo) Repeat after me, it is ok to agree to disagree. No one personally attacking you, I for one just disagree and I am truly and fully entitled. Have a great Thursday! Frances |
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thats what most of us here have been saying, and you have been adamant about proving otherwise. What is it because Jim said it, it now makes sense
either way, to each their own
I have said it over and over again, that it is not an absolute need. I even described what DOES qualify as yuor basic needs, food water cshelter and love. you dont NEED anything else, as I satated ina n earlier post. But shuld you HAVE? yes. As a single parent, shjuld you do everything in your power to ensure your child HAS? yes and by making the following statement, it was stated that the motehr was too busy to een try and find a primary male role for her child: I am too busy and happy to be doing that. I am too busy taking care of my child and making a happy life for them.
She goes on to say she is too busy raising her child and making the child happy. Well, maybe (my opinion) she should substitute one of the things that she is doing to make her happy, and try to involve a primary male figure in the childs life. Again this is my opinion, not my trying to tell anyone they are wrong or that their opinion doe snot count. For example, if a 7 year old child wants to stay up until 3 in the morning watching tv and eating candy on a school night, are you going to let her do it? I would hope y ou said no, even though it would make the child happy to do so. So now you have to look at what you are doing to make the chil d happy, and see if any of that time could be better spent having that child have another daily rolemodel/mentor/parental figure, whatever you want to call it, in their life. And again, this does not mean you yourself have to have a relationship with the person other than friendship (you dont even have to have that as long as the two of you can bepolite and nice to each other) There you go again. Critizing people and being contradictory. Again, yes, I am busy making a happy life for my child. My child IS my life. My priority is my child's physical, mental, and emotional well being. If you don't understand this or agree with - get over it. You are so full of it. Quit personally critizing me. Unless you have a background in psychology (and I do), I am no longer in conversation with you on this topic. |
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