^that was regarding breathless1's post

wow -- nicely said.

wow....very beautiful words.

Thank you for them...

just a constant reminder at how truly lucky I was to have had such a wonderful man to be in love with...it hurts so much that he's gone, but I'll forever feel grateful for the years we were given together. The most special gift ever given to me... how many ever love someone so much that it's literally impossible to not miss them every single day when they're gone...

I was so lucky.
we were.

It's been a long busy day -- started christmas shopping, spent time with my mom, sister and her kids... - then had my 10 year old nephew call and say he wanted to stay with me, so we went to see a movie then came back home and played yahtzee.

The days I stay busy, and I'm grateful for my life, for my family and everything I have...I'm so blessed in many ways...

but -

There is not a night that comes when it gets any easier to walk towards my bed, to get under the covers, to look and notice he's really not there, and to know he never will be again...

It's now been over 16 months since his death, but every single night the same feeling I felt the first night after he was gone is still there.


I hold his pillow, sometimes talk to him (just in case he can still hear me somehow) - sometimes cry, hoping and praying one night that pain will disappear.


Most nights I find myself doing little things (like posting on here) to just stay awake longer.


& still wake up each morning hoping it was all just a dream and he will be there...


Then, the next night it happens again...

The way you know, is you never have to 'wonder' if he is -

Someone who truly loves you, it's obvious by just the way they look at you, and the way they treat you all the time (not just part of it).


I think someone mentioned in their post that some people play mind-games, something like that..., so it can be hard to tell -- If a person does such things, it's the furthest thing from "love".

he is now, but back then - not so much! ha

He's changed a LOT over the years, his voice, looks, everything -- all for the better.

1. I met Ronald & Nancy Reagan once, was too young to understand how neat it was at the time.

2. was in the crowd for Tim McGraw's video "Indian Outlaw".

3. Have a separate savings account just for the Bed & Breakfast I will buy when I turn 45. (have been saving for 4 years so far)

4. I've sang in 22 weddings

5. Have 10 pillows on my bed. (ha)

I never trust a person who actually says the words, "You can trust me."

Trust is something you gain over time and by your actions - not by words.

If someone feels a need to say it, there's probably a reason to not trust them.

maybe I should explain more than I did....--

Both of these men were men I dated MANY years ago, and neither for a long amount of time. There was no ugly break up or tears, all that... -- so throughout the years we've stayed friends.

So, yes, they are ex's (techincally), but more importantly they've always been close friends.

I do completely understand the 'respect' aspect couples should have for each other, putting each other first. That is how it should be -- but it's also never right (or healthy) for another person to tell somehow who their friends should or shouldn't be.

It only gets uncomfortable if people try to be sneaky about talking behind someone's back. I've never done that. Anytime any close 'male' friend of mine gets serious with a woman I go out of my way to get to know her and extend my friendship to her. To me, it's out of respect for my friends and the women, so they truly know we are strictly friends.

As we get older in life there should be many friends who remain throughout the years - men and women. Some of you already know this; but I was with a man for over 8 years who I lost to brain cancer.... - throughout that time we both leaned not only on each other, but our friends, for support and happiness. Even before his cancer though, we were very open and trusting about each other's friends, and that's how it should be really.

I have a dog, Korkie, she is 11 years old and is only recently starting to seem older...sleeps more, etc... - when I take her to the parks and stuff people still say "Oh look at the cute puppy!" and never believe she's as old as she is --

I adopted her from a shelter, then 2 days later found out she had parvo (if you know about dogs, you know that can be very deadly to them) - she was 2 pounds and the Vet said she only had a 30% chance of surviving....he actually asked me if I wanted them to try - because it would be very expensive. I told him I loved her the second I saw her in her little cage doing her little front paws at me (which she still does), and asked him to do all he could to save her.

She was in the hospital 9 days, cost me $1,500.

& worth every penny....

I call her my little white ball, she's adorable.

I'm always there for these women to talk with, and I have about issues with their jobs, kids, stuff like that...and I don't mind at all...

The very personal stuff involving their husbands though, just isn't something I'm comfortable with.... so I'll just tell them that.

ha, good idea!!

I hear ya about the ex's thing....and I agree if it's a 'bad break-up', if something painful happened to cause a relationship to end.... - then definitely move on and never look back...

BUT, to me, if 2 people just decided they were not madly in love and didn't want to continue being together, it's silly to not stay friends.

That's just me though, once I care a lot for someone that doesn't change.

That's just what I was thinking, to just stay out of all of it.

It's tough when these women are crying as if their family is falling apart. - but I don't want to hurt my friendships with the men either way.

Ugh, why do people make their relationships so difficult? Silly to me.

"Any Man of Mine" by Shania Twain

soooooooooo much fun to do!

K -- need some opinions please...

Throughout my adult life I've always found a way to remain close friends with the men I've been involved with after we break up. So as they've gone on and dated others, etc - we've always been able to talk openly about what's going on with each other.

I think it's nice to be able to keep friendships there and all -- but this is just weird...

2 of my ex's are married, and have been for a while...
I've met both of their wives, and their kids; spent time with them, and have do consider their wives my friends as well.

WELL...

yesterday I received a call, from not just one but BOTH of these women (literally within a few hours) - asking my advice about problems they are having with their husbands. Serious subjects too... cheating - asking if I've ever known of them to be unfaithful -- sexual problems that they're having, etc...

It was very awkward for me....,because although I do care for these women and can understand some of their frustrations about what is going on with their husbands, I sometimes feel like my 'loyalty' (which I'm big on) should be to the men, because I've been friends with them much longer and they mean more to me.

One woman asked me to call her husband on 3-way where she could listen to what he would say about her. I told her that is wrong, and to not try put me in something like that, and she didn't like that at all.

So since both calls I've been thinking about what I should do -- thinking of not talking with either wife again, period. But if these men are being unfaithful, and tell me about it, that would be hard to just ignore.

SO -- what do you think???

wow -- is this long enough!? ha

Thanks for any feedback given, Dawn

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"Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf