K -- need some opinions please...

Throughout my adult life I've always found a way to remain close friends with the men I've been involved with after we break up. So as they've gone on and dated others, etc - we've always been able to talk openly about what's going on with each other.

I think it's nice to be able to keep friendships there and all -- but this is just weird...

2 of my ex's are married, and have been for a while...
I've met both of their wives, and their kids; spent time with them, and have do consider their wives my friends as well.

WELL...

yesterday I received a call, from not just one but BOTH of these women (literally within a few hours) - asking my advice about problems they are having with their husbands. Serious subjects too... cheating - asking if I've ever known of them to be unfaithful -- sexual problems that they're having, etc...

It was very awkward for me....,because although I do care for these women and can understand some of their frustrations about what is going on with their husbands, I sometimes feel like my 'loyalty' (which I'm big on) should be to the men, because I've been friends with them much longer and they mean more to me.

One woman asked me to call her husband on 3-way where she could listen to what he would say about her. I told her that is wrong, and to not try put me in something like that, and she didn't like that at all.

So since both calls I've been thinking about what I should do -- thinking of not talking with either wife again, period. But if these men are being unfaithful, and tell me about it, that would be hard to just ignore.

SO -- what do you think???

wow -- is this long enough!? ha

Thanks for any feedback given, Dawn

If the men are your friends I say you need to talk to them. Get their side of the story and let them know what the ladies are thinking.

Or...stay the h#ll out of it and try to preserve your friendships.

Between angels and insects...you have to make that determination.

Stay out of it!!!That simple.You will be wrong no matter what you do hear!!J/M/O.

I would encourage the women to speak with their husbands. Tell them out right that you care about them but its their business, not yours. Tell them that you do not discuss with their husbands about their marriage.

100% agree with Miss Tanya.

I'm so glad I stick with my "ex's are ex's for a reason" thought. Once their an ex, no need to have any further discussions with them.

I'd say stay out of it completely.

That's just what I was thinking, to just stay out of all of it.

It's tough when these women are crying as if their family is falling apart. - but I don't want to hurt my friendships with the men either way.

Ugh, why do people make their relationships so difficult? Silly to me.

my loyalty always goes to the first friend.. and being nosey i would want to know... so i would call the guys on the down low and sniff around a little bit but under no circumstance would i tell thier other half.. you would be the bad person in the end if you do.. but i would still talk to them...

Honestly- you're too nice and deserve what you're getting. I had this happen to me lately. I handled the situation differently. I called all parties involved and told them if they ever put me in the middle of their drama filled domestics again I would be violent. Just an opinion. There's a BIG difference between someone respecting your opinion and asking advice and being a referee in a domestic dispute. I'm not a freaking marriage counsellor. Tell them you will be a ref for them at $225 an hour like a counsellor is. They will leave you alone.

Ditto talking about a spiders web your in one in. I would tell both wives that this is a problem they need to discuss with their husbands first if it is sexually their are ways to address that problem with a doctor. If they are cheating and you know nothing about them cheating in the past just say that you have not known them to cheat but she really needs to discuss that with him. Maybe there is something else going on in his life and he does not know how to tell her.

Other then that I would back off. If you take the wives side you will loose the friendships. If you take the mens side you will cause more problems for the wives will turn on you and will make it hard on the men for you being friends with them.

Hard choice to make but I sure would not take sides.

If you are still friends with your EX's,you must be a special person.For over 20 yrs,couldn't stand him or his 5 other wife's.

I hear ya about the ex's thing....and I agree if it's a 'bad break-up', if something painful happened to cause a relationship to end.... - then definitely move on and never look back...

BUT, to me, if 2 people just decided they were not madly in love and didn't want to continue being together, it's silly to not stay friends.

That's just me though, once I care a lot for someone that doesn't change.

ha, good idea!!

Like a cop car,

woooooo weeeeeeee oooooooo weeeeeeeee woooooo

A long time ago a freind gave me a great piece of advice. He said "I stay out of other peoples domestics. When you get punched in the nose enough times you learn to stay out of other peoples domestics".

I'm always there for these women to talk with, and I have about issues with their jobs, kids, stuff like that...and I don't mind at all...

The very personal stuff involving their husbands though, just isn't something I'm comfortable with.... so I'll just tell them that.

That's probably the best thing you could do, Dawn. I hope they don't think that YOU are cheating with their husbands and just trying to feel you out though. Not that you WOULD, but spouses tend to think rather unrationally sometimes in domestic disputes.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!

stay out of it...move on with your life and put those "ex's" in your past..after all they are ex´s for a reason right?