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Community > Posts By > paintecards01
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Just a quick, innocent question. Why does life always have to be self-centered? What's so difficult about wishing others well? He can wish her well from home. He doesn't have to put himself in a painful, awkward position in order to do that. I wish men from my past well, but I don't want to talk to them or see them ever again. For myself, call it selfish if you want to, most humans are selfish. It's called self-preservation and there's nothing wrong with that. It's fine if you're able to put yourself in situations like that and it doesn't hurt, or if it does hurt, you don't mind and you're willing to sacrifice your comfort for someone else, but it's not fair to expect everyone else to do that. We all deal with things in different ways. Your truth and explanation makes you 100% hotter. Thank ya.   Thanks.
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Edited by
paintecards01
on
Thu 02/13/14 01:55 PM
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Just a quick, innocent question. Why does life always have to be self-centered? What's so difficult about wishing others well? He can wish her well from home. He doesn't have to put himself in a painful, awkward position in order to do that. I wish men from my past well, but I don't want to talk to them or see them ever again. For myself, call it selfish if you want to, most humans are selfish. It's called self-preservation and there's nothing wrong with that. It's fine if you're able to put yourself in situations like that and it doesn't hurt, or if it does hurt, you don't mind and you're willing to sacrifice your comfort for someone else, but it's not fair to expect everyone else to do that. We all deal with things in different ways. |
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Topic:
Metro Male?
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No, because they're usually selfish and hard to deal with. And most of the time they're gay, whether they want to admit it or not.
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I have to walk my dog thru the snow one more time today. You have my sympathy. We have 16 inches here, it's crazy. I'm glad I don't have to go out in it... |
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Topic:
Relationship
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I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to wait until marriage before they have sex. What if you never get married? Are you supposed to abstain from sex for the rest of your life? I don't think so. I agree that trust is important, also honesty. Those are the main two for me, if someone is a liar and I can't trust them, there is no future.
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My ex-date sent me an invite for her wedding. At first I was very happy for her but as the date is getting closer, I am becomming nervous and so sad. I don't know what to do. Should I attend? If I am attending, what should I buy for her as gift. I just discovered, I care so much about her. I stare at her pictures every now and then. I wish her the best. The most important thing here ,is what do YOU want to do? What do You feel is best for you? I agree. I really don't see the point of making yourself unhappy for someone else. If you don't want to go, don't go. It's as simple as that. I seriously doubt if she would go to your wedding if it made her uncomfortable. |
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My ex-date sent me an invite for her wedding. At first I was very happy for her but as the date is getting closer, I am becomming nervous and so sad. I don't know what to do. Should I attend? If I am attending, what should I buy for her as gift. I just discovered, I care so much about her. I stare at her pictures every now and then. I wish her the best. My gut reaction to your question is this: Do not go, and get rid of those photos of her that you still have. You don't owe your ex-girlfriend your presence at her wedding. You do owe yourself a clean break from the past. 
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I'll be with my long distance love this Valentines Day :) A date with him through skype lol... First ever kind of date I'll be having in my life. That sounds nice, I hope it goes well.
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I wonder if she even means for him to attend? Like maybe it was sent out as a wedding announcement to everyone she knows, with no expectation of him actually showing up? I admit there's no way I would send something like that to an ex of mine, but you never know what's going on in people's heads...
But yeah, there's no way I would go. I would do as Pacific said and return the RSVP card declining and try to get on with life. Life is too short for bs. |
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I am sorry you are feeling sad about the upcoming wedding of your Ex. It is a natural thing to feel loss when other folks seem to have to make being single awkward. Sounds like you have had a tough time letting go. Hard when relationships "end" but don't quite end. But if all you have had is phone contact I think she is sending you a very pointed message that it is time for closure. Seems like she is just sticking you with a dun for a gift; especially if she did not issue the invitation as "plus one". It would certainly be incredibly bad manners to take someone if they were not invited. Think unless you were taking a mutual friend or family it would be and incredibly uncomfortable date for whom ever you did have as your social escort for what is usually not that much fun for a stranger. Over all I think it is a rather poor way of handling it when a personal conversation should have been enough or maybe a personal letter but maybe the wedding etiquette books don't handle that. Even if it is not your plan to do anything but attend with your head held high being supportive the perfect gentleman and friend Larrson's advice is very wise. If you care about your to be wed Ex you should not present and opportunity for anyone to humiliate you or the couple by your presence. The groom that needs to look around his wedding touting his victory over prior boyfriend's seems like no prize either. You do owe them a plain card Thank you RSVP saying "Best Wishes in your future I will not attend." Sign your name,mail it promptly, and move on. You are not attending you do not owe them a gift. ZERO future in torturing yourself; file thirteen this backhanded invitation. Out of sight, out of mind, moving forward should be easier. If your moral needs a little boost go out and spend the day doing something that you will actually enjoy. Good luck. Well said.
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If I were you, I wont go. It's obvious that you're still having feelings for her. She's getting married. Just move on and believe that you deserve someone better. Have pity on yourself and love yourself more :) This. |
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Edited by
paintecards01
on
Thu 02/13/14 12:22 PM
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Topic:
Friends First
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I did the friends first thing with my ex. Well, we spent a little time getting to know each other before we did anything but we did flirt and I made it pretty clear that I wanted more than just friendship. The whole relationship was like that and she said that we were just friends when it suited her and said that she was my girlfriend when that suited her. Everything changed anyway when we stopped just being friends and I really doubt that any amount of being friends first would have let me know what I was in for. Been there, done that. That's why you can't let the other person define the relationship, it's not fair. Either you're together or you're not, but it shouldn't change by the day. I think people pull that crap so they can act however they want and when you complain their excuse is, well, we're just friends, so what's wrong? Yeah, that was what it was like. She would be all, "I don't want to get involved and we're just friends" and then if I wanted a day to myself she would be on the phone wanting to know why I wasn't calling and saying that I was a crap boyfriend. It wasn't all bad but she did do my head in a bit. The friendship was always there and if it hadn't been I don't think that it would have gone on for as long as it did. With other women that I've been with I didn't really do the friends first thing and when it was over it was just over. There was one that I met on here and when she contacted me again last year I just wasn't interested and even though I had feelings for her at the time, I feel no bond with her at all now. Some people are so selfish....well, it's good you sent her on her way; some people would have toyed with her emotions, knowing full well what she wanted. So it's nice that you didn't do that. |
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Topic:
Dating women with kids
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Most of the woman I have dated have already had kids. I have a teenager of my own too though so..... I have to say I agree with Painted on this.
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Topic:
Mmmm
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Awesome write.
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I'm not trying to be funny, but think about it. Why would she invite a guy who she hasn't had any contact with in years? Why would she want you watching her getting married? Part of me thinks it's to make you want her back, so she is trying to make you jealous. It's up to you, but I'd turn it down if it was me, as I'd think she was trying to hurt you somehow. You've just discovered you care so much about her? That's dangerous. I hope you tell her husband, because he has every right to know. And what will you do once she's married? Care for her some more? She won't give a damn, though, because her husband will be giving her the love she needs. This. |
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Topic:
Friends First
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I did the friends first thing with my ex. Well, we spent a little time getting to know each other before we did anything but we did flirt and I made it pretty clear that I wanted more than just friendship. The whole relationship was like that and she said that we were just friends when it suited her and said that she was my girlfriend when that suited her. Everything changed anyway when we stopped just being friends and I really doubt that any amount of being friends first would have let me know what I was in for. Been there, done that. That's why you can't let the other person define the relationship, it's not fair. Either you're together or you're not, but it shouldn't change by the day. I think people pull that crap so they can act however they want and when you complain their excuse is, well, we're just friends, so what's wrong? |
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Topic:
Dating women with kids
Edited by
paintecards01
on
Thu 02/13/14 03:19 AM
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After a certain age, it becomes harder and harder to find (age compatible) people who don't have kids, so that might be something you have to be willing to accept, or risk remaining alone. If my comment had been meant for you, I would have quoted whatever you said (I didn't even read your post, so I have no idea what you said). My comment was directed at the OP, in an attempt to answer his question, since that's what I assumed this thread was about. Also, if you re-read what I said to the OP, you will see that I said it becomes harder, not impossible, which is not the same thing. And I hold to that, the older you get, it will become harder to find age compatible people who don't have kids- if they want them. |
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to cheat is to be a dog in my eyes Well, there are a lot of dogs in the world, some on four legs and some on two....
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