After almost a month of not painting I suddenly felt like it again :)
So in spite of yesterday heat I've been painting most of the afternoon. I've finished it off today :)

I'm calling this: Angel Watching.

I'm thinking you may not have the right view of a BDSM relationship.
Many people that are in the lifestyle are for a reason, some similar to yours.
Some find tremendous peace from it, relaxation, a letting go of. An enormous release. Which then helps them to function normally and properly in day to day life.
It can actually help to feel yourself, calm and happy.
If a solid spanking helps you, you are in a way into pain as a good spanking is not for the faint of heart.
Pain in BDSM is not to deliberately hurt someone and cause them distress or harm. It's not like beating someone up, nor out of anger.
It's the most controlled loving thing, in a way even more based on love than a regular relationship.
That is because it requires tremendous amount of mutual trust. Not just from the one that is in the sub role, but also the one who's the D, in equal measure. That's cos he/she must be able to rely on the feedback of the sub so he/she doesn't truly hurt them and is able to give them what they need, not more, not less.

If you do not wish this in a love relationship as it's purely about the discipline, not sex, then you could find a Dominatrix you see every now and then.
All can be catered to your needs.

32C sunny & blue skies, not much wind.

27C sunny & clear blue skies, a bit of wind.
Could get some clouds in the afternoon here.

All and all it's building up to another sweltering day (tomorrow).

Oh yes, Venus Rx...
I'm certain Spirit stopped me from jumping into this situation and had me doubt, question, etc. to protect me.
I've made very clear to Spirit I do not want another connection that's doomed to fail or another 'lesson' relationship. Done with that! Then I'd rather stay single.
I only want the right connection for me. I'm ready for that, worthy of it, looking forward to it!
Obviously Spirit is on my side, agreeing with me on this one.

And yup, it takes time. I remember when I was in that place after my divorce. Someone said I was going through rebound.
I felt he was nuts! But in retrospect he was dead on!
You simply cannot escape it, nor should one try as it's a natural process. You need it if you want to get 'whole' again.

Glad to hear you're back to your old self!
I too took my time to heal, and after that to enjoy being me!
I still celebrate my relationship with me. It's the most important one in life.

In any case, enjoy your 'me' time!

Well, maybe I intuitively sensed the following???
Turns out he got divorced earlier this year. So he's only very recently out of a relationship.

I'm not going to give that a try and end up in another rebound situation in which I'm the one that gets hurt.
I've done that before, ignored the fact he hadn't been single very long, because the vibe between us was astounding! But... it went wrong in the end, then took me 2 years of my precious time to get over that.

Maybe Spirit has intuitively made me hold back and tread carefully as opposed to jumping right in.

Currently watching Star Trek: Discovery which is set before Cpt Pike ends up on the Enterprise in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds.

It didn't draw me in as fast as ST:Strange New Worlds did. At first I thought of finding something else to watch as a lot was about Klingons that look like the Neanderthal version of them in this series.
I've never been keen on Klingon stuff.
Thank goodness it soon became very interesting regardless!

Lucky that I live in Western Europe, The Netherlands, where we have no hurricanes, tornados, rattle and other venomous snakes, cougars, dangerous spiders, great whites, (grizzly) bears, hornets, alligators.
And I do believe there are quite dangerous scorpions too, esp very small whitish ones.

Numb3rs???
That is ancient, hihi. Although I see it ran until 2021.
I watched it at first then for some reason stopped. I guess I didn't find it all that interesting, not sure.

Exactly!
I remember when my girl lived in Texas, her husband was abroad (military, helicopter pilot) and they had that severe flooding close to their home. Can't recall if that was from a hurricane or not but alas.
Her in-laws warned her to get petrol and many were already doing that, queues a mile long, petrol running out at stations, long waits etc.
She didn't bother, nor did she have other things like an emergency kit. I think she couldn't fathom the seriousness of it all. We're not used to such things over here in Europe, although floodings can happen from time to time, so it's easy to underestimate, especially when young and erm... what's the right word? Brazen? Something like that, hihi.
I was SO worried!!
Thank goodness it never quite got to her home, close, but not to the extent she had to leave.

In any case, hope it's all going to work out for you and pass you by!

That, or my son's age. That is just freaking weird!!

Seems like a very smart move! Make sure your car is in pristine order as well in case you have to leave. And enough petrol. If memory serves you get long queues at petrol stations when things like that are forecast to hit land!

Chilling, giving my body a rest after the hard work at my mum's yesterday.

Yes, I will do what feels comfortable to me! That's one thing I have learnt from the past for sure! No more going out of my way to try and suit the other by doing things that don't really feel right to me.
I did feel that innate tendency come up with this man, which I think is why I reacted the way I did. I do NOT want to feel pressured, pushed, or made to do stuff that I just don't want to do.
Like him suggesting to go to a certain town for drinks that would mean about an hour's drive for me. Not going to happen. I'd told him I'm uncomfortable driving far in my car as it needs some maintenance at the mo, then he came up with that?!
Turned out he thought that town was close by for me, haha.
So just clearly telling a man does work.
The he said he'd come over to my area so I could even cycle it if I'd prefer that over the car.

What I've done so far is send him messages the way I normally would. Just general chit-chat.
And just now... he said it was a lot of fun to be exchanging this way, talking to each other via messages :D
Isn't that something?!
Now I can relax. And now I feel like telling him, soonish, "Okay, let's get that coffee!"

Yes, you're right, could very well be he's one of those that wants to meet before investing.
Well, maybe I'll just go meet him. I haven't checked the site yet to see if he's messaged anything at all. In a way certain things are handy. He's retired early so doesn't have to work, meaning he can easily come over than a working man, he didn't mind the drive (he lives quite far away and no way am I going over to his area in my car). He was fine with that.

Why is all this chit so difficult, haha. I'd much prefer a man ringing the doorbell, special delivery, "I'm your Mr Right!"
Skipping all that to-do of sifting and sorting, lol.

How we did it before the internet? I don't know as I never really dated much. Never liked it. I went abroad when I was 19, didn't date in Indonesia (too different, too short). Met my husband via the sport school, got married with children.
When we divorced we had internet.
So the old-fashioned way is more alien to me than the internet-way, haha.

24C sunny but there are some thin clouds. Bit of wind.

I suddenly remember that often men don't get what a woman is telling him as she's not direct enough.
To me I feel I have been direct, but I know you have to be so direct that to me it feels I'm horribly blunt. I know that as long as I still am polite I'm not clear enough for a bloke to understand.
So... I'm going to tell him more clearly -I hope. And see what happens.

Also odd to be fumbling with this stuff now, haha. I haven't been active with dating for quite some time. Had to heal after my last relationship, then there was the pandemic, then I was busy with other stuff.
How easy it is to forget how it all works, and the tiny things that you come across?!
I got a bit rusty, haha.

I've recently become a paying member of a 50+ dating site as I want to get on with it, meet someone, find someone. And suddenly I'm getting quite a lot of interest too.

That's exactly it and as it is, by lack of those messages, I do not have that feeling to go out and meet him. Why would I?
So far it feels to me as if all I've been doing is trying to explain to him why I don't want to meet him as it is.
I think he just doesn't get it. He feels something, sees potential, that seems enough for him to meet. As it is I don't feel that way about him though. I'd need more exchange...

I wouldn't quite put it that way, haha, but still... yes! You need to feel something, intrigue, a letch, whatever, but something.

Yeah, but that's mostly talking to people when you're already out and about.
And I do take it you exchanged for a bit with your GF before you met? Or did you send her a message right away to ask, "I think we have a lot of potential, shall me meet for coffees"?
There must have been something of intrigue or interest that made you want to get up and go out?