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Community > Posts By > SparklingCrystal 💖💎
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I recognise much in what you say. I too tend to forget to ask about the other and tell about myself. I used to also think it was one-sided, and felt a bit guilty for making it about me. But then... I'm so open and giving that I think it's more related to that. Assuming that everyone else is that way too. Assuming they too will naturally open up and share as I am that way. And in a way it's odd to have to ask and effort to extract info? At least it can feel that way to me. Nevertheless I've also made it a point to ask others about them. But you know, with people I resonate with I don't have to do any of that thinking while conversing. It just automatically flows from both directions! Which leads back to it being a bit odd to have to consciously try to get them to open. And yes, trying to avoid "yes/no" questions is very helpful. That is something you can train yourself to do, much easier even in written conversation as you have time to think about formulating the question. And the "telling about me then asking them about it" (movie/book/whatever) is a really good way to get it going. Oftentimes helps the other over the threshold of nerves or the 'WTF am I going to talk about' dilemma, hihi. And then it just takes off. And there's always the thing that if the other is truly interested or not. A few days ago I had a guy contact me but he had no profile photo. So I told him "No photo, no contact. You make things skewed as you can see me but I can't see you." (He'd commented on my looks & aura) For me it was done, over. But... he uploaded a profile photo and sent me another message? I was still not impressed but he didn't give up, haha. He's not the type to write a lot, so I said we were too different then as to me written word IS alive, visceral. So I gave him nothing but "PO kind of replies" lol, yet... he wasn't deterred. We are now kind of talking and seem to have things in common?! Not saying it's going anywhere serious, might not even lead to a date. But had he not persevered we wouldn't even be talking. What I'm trying to say is, maybe if it is quite difficult to get off the ground it's just not the right person? Something to bear in mind and consider... Excellent point and definitely something to consider. I, too, am fairly open with sharing about myself, and assume they will do the same. When it doesn't happen, I automatically think it's something I'm doing wrong in my way of communicating. Rather than considering that we just don't click. There have certainly been other times when conversing with a guy just flowed, it happened naturally. But most of the time in those circumstances, it never moved past the friend zone, haha. When it came to love interests, the communication was more awkward and often times like pulling teeth from a newborn. I suspect though, that the reason it was more awkward had more to do with where I was concerning love relationships and my ability to accept love more so than their ability to communicate. I wasn't truly open to it, so I attracted men who also weren't open to it, who had similar issues with self worth and such? Staying in the friend zone was safe, for the both of us, so the communication flowed much easier. I've always had this vision for when I'm truly ready to enter a love relationship... We aren't going to struggle trying to have a conversation. It's going to just happen, take off, as if we've known each other our whole lives. Maybe that's silly, but I truly believe that when two people truly resonate with each other, it's not going to be like pulling teeth from a newborn. The energy will flow in harmony, not agony. Still waiting for that to happen, haha. Some day! But first, I have a few more cobwebs to clear out of my heart center so that I am ready to receive the kind of love I truly desire. Oh, that kind of connection sure as heck can happen! I know as I've had it happen. Both my last relationships for sure. There was no effort to get and keep a conversation going. It just flowed by itself. And especially with the last man there was a very strong feeling of already knowing the other to an extent I have not ever come across before. And this was mutual, not just me. He was open to the spiritual but not very familiar with it so to him it was totally new. I knew it could happen, had similar experience with my ex before him, but this was much much deeper. Different. It immediately felt we were in a solid, healthy relationship while we'd only just met. I always said, it's like we're in a relationship, know each other inside and out, yet we don't know each other at all when it comes to mundane day to day stuff, and in that sense we have to get to know one another from the start. Kind of like starting a connection 5 yrs in -the point where you already live together etc- and having to work your way back to the first meeting, romancing, getting to know each other etc. etc. if that makes sense. I don't think most can follow, but quite sure you can, hihi. It was the weirdest and at the same time most beautiful thing I've ever had happen! And that was instant, from the second I opened the front door and laid eyes on him and he on me. We hugged, and he said -bemused-, I feel energy between our hearts?? And "When you laugh and I look into your eyes, I know that laugh!" He was totally lost when he looked into my eyes, I doubt he heard a word I said, just sat that mesmerized, bedazzled, hahaha. And our conversations... I can still miss them! He always understood me, could paraphrase what I'd said, never needed explanation. So it sure as hell exists! My biggest problem in a way, which I've come to realise over the years... men sometimes fall for me because of my energy, my high vibration. I have to then be vigilant to not have them romance me and eventually far for them as when this happens their feelings are not lasting. It's like they get bedazzled or something. Seems odd to say about yourself, but I have truly had that happen. And then when it wears off, they too bugger off, leaving me heartbroken. What usually is going on is that they take / get healing from my high energy and when healed enough they're gone... Meaning I have to use my own discernment to get clear what I'm dealing with, which to date I find dammed hard to do!! |
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27C Sunny, not much wind. We can get some clouds later in the afternoon and a bit more wind.
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Fri 06/16/23 03:24 AM
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To go back to the original subject... All dating coaches tell you to come up with some good things to say and then ask in order to help the man out. Men often don't know what to say, how to get a conversation going, can feel insecure etc. etc. If you then don't help the conversation along you quickly remain stuck at the "Hi, how was your day" level of boring crap. It isn't really difficult to navigate these waters, it just takes some creative thinking which comes with a wee bit of 'training' and simply relaxing so you yourself aren't all nervous and tense. Women then tend to ask, "Why the hell do I have to do the work?" The answer is, "Because you're the one that wants to get somewhere in dating!" So it's an investment in yourself. Being good/better at conversing is a great skill in all aspects of life, so why not practise it?! You could for instance answer the "How was your day" question in a positive way if at all possible, but then add something else to it, could be totally unrelated, and then ask him about that. So if you'd say something about a movie or book, ask if he's watched a great movie/read a good book. That gets a convo flowing, plus his reply gives insight in him. If he stays stuck at "okay", "good", "Dunno", you say goodbye and move on. And for any man reading this... you can do the exact same thing! We may have learnt how to behave politely in society in real life, no one ever taught us how to do this online, certainly not in online dating! So you have to become an auto-didact and teach yourself. Or... the alternative... buy scripts from a dating coach to help you out and to get into the groove of a new way of communicating! Fact that dating coaches actually made these scripts and sell them tells you that almost everyone struggles with this!! Excellent post and useful suggestions, Crystal. I've considered myself a fairly decent communicator, yet conversations via online or through text messaging either come to a dead stop or remain superficial or one sided... mostly with me sharing and them responding with short responses, as if they are just sitting back nodding their head. With face to face interactions, I've often caught myself forgetting to ask about the other person, whether it's a man of interest, family member, friend, or stranger. Conversations tended to be one sided, until I learned to ask questions about them, about their interests, or thoughts. Through a lot of practice, face to face conversations have improved immensely. Maybe due to the fact that I was speaking out loud, so I could hear myself making it all about me? When writing/texting, the hearing myself speaking out loud is eliminated, so I don't always catch myself doing that. I just end up frustrated because the conversation is going nowhere. It's funny because I could be talking to the same person on the phone and the conversation flows. But as soon as we switch to writing/texting, it comes to a dead stop, haha. I think with writing, it's so easy to ask close ended questions, those which usually invoke a "this or that" kind of response, and it stops there. "How was your day" generally gets a "this or that" kind of response. I love your suggestion about if you write something about a good book or movie you read/watched, to ask him about any great movies he watched/books he read. And in the event that all he/she says is "yes", haha, respond with, "Oh really, what was it, or what did you like about it?". I recognise much in what you say. I too tend to forget to ask about the other and tell about myself. I used to also think it was one-sided, and felt a bit guilty for making it about me. But then... I'm so open and giving that I think it's more related to that. Assuming that everyone else is that way too. Assuming they too will naturally open up and share as I am that way. And in a way it's odd to have to ask and effort to extract info? At least it can feel that way to me. Nevertheless I've also made it a point to ask others about them. But you know, with people I resonate with I don't have to do any of that thinking while conversing. It just automatically flows from both directions! Which leads back to it being a bit odd to have to consciously try to get them to open. And yes, trying to avoid "yes/no" questions is very helpful. That is something you can train yourself to do, much easier even in written conversation as you have time to think about formulating the question. And the "telling about me then asking them about it" (movie/book/whatever) is a really good way to get it going. Oftentimes helps the other over the threshold of nerves or the 'WTF am I going to talk about' dilemma, hihi. And then it just takes off. And there's always the thing that if the other is truly interested or not. A few days ago I had a guy contact me but he had no profile photo. So I told him "No photo, no contact. You make things skewed as you can see me but I can't see you." (He'd commented on my looks & aura) For me it was done, over. But... he uploaded a profile photo and sent me another message? I was still not impressed but he didn't give up, haha. He's not the type to write a lot, so I said we were too different then as to me written word IS alive, visceral. So I gave him nothing but "PO kind of replies" lol, yet... he wasn't deterred. We are now kind of talking and seem to have things in common?! Not saying it's going anywhere serious, might not even lead to a date. But had he not persevered we wouldn't even be talking. What I'm trying to say is, maybe if it is quite difficult to get off the ground it's just not the right person? Something to bear in mind and consider... |
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Feeling happy the internet is back! 2nd time in some 4 days it was down for most of the afternoon due to damaged cables.
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27C Sunny with a good amount of wind. It's nice outdoors now :)
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Hot, humid, hazey from Canadian forest fires,, in a couple of hours the smoke is predicted to get much worse with severe health warnings to stay inside. Heard about that the other day. Pretty horrible what's going on, both for nature and people. Hope it gets sorted soon but if it's this bad... Good luck and take care!! |
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I recognise a lot in what you say!
I too was one of the first to read really well in class. I've always loved reading! Writing has never been an issue either, I've always enjoyed it. I had my first published li'l article in a newspaper in the kiddie section before I could write, hihi. I dictated it to my mum, she sent it in and it got published :) I still have the clipping. As a teen I started handwriting novels in notebooks and dreamt of having my own magazine, made tiny ones by hand. As it is I have 2 books published. The first one was a big milestone for me! At school everyone always moaned when we had to write an essay, I was jumping for joy and always had a 9 or 10 for it :D (10 being the highest here). I also write the way I am, something that seems alien or odd to the masses (I think?). I like sharing, expressing etc. which is why my average post is long as well, hihi. My area of interest is personal growth & development, also helping others with that (coaching) and the spiritual of course! I do feel it's rather difficult to find resonance in real life. I'm quite certain you know what I'm talking about. It's what you have when you function on a different/higher level than the masses. I don't mean judgement by that, just the way it is. Basically I only find resonance with a niche group which is also one of the reasons I spend a lot of time on the net. Easier to find there than in my direct environment. As for the net... I think many only get on social sites out of boredom, to not feel the void they have, the not being fulfilled and not really being happy. It's easy distraction & entertainment. I think even conflict can feel better for some than a good conversation, considering the many chitstirrers on certain fora. |
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Ventilating my home now it's cooling off a little bit. All windows & doors open, both downstairs and upstairs.
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Tue 06/13/23 11:57 AM
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Nope, not even someone from a different culture who's already in my country and/or grew up here.
Cultural differences don't vanish within 1 generation, it takes several, so I'm not going there. That includes other Caucasian cultures even though then the differences are way more subtle. They're still there though. Once bitten, twice shy. |
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... It reached 30°C yesterday and more of the same is forecast for today (It’s 12.20 pm just now). It’s stinking hot and there’s no wind and indoors last night was 26°F….not fun 🥵 I guess C? My home is always really warm, unfortunately. This morning 26,5C when I got downstairs, now 27C. But outdoors is quite doable now as there's a wonderful bit of wind! Still very hot and with my fair skin not recommended during the hottest hours of the afternoon, nor for long periods of time. I did a few things in the garden just now, 20 mins tops, but put on sunscreen first. It's supposed to go down over the coming days now to more pleasant levels around 25C :D Only Sunday will peak around 30C. |
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29C sunny, little wind.
Will get more wind this evening, 5-6 Beaufort Temps are beginning to go down a bit. Yesterday was 32C again, but in the evening we suddenly got a really nice cool breeze, at some point somewhat stronger gusts. That was really nice!! I opened everything upstairs and downstairs to get a bit of coolness in. Remained 26C indoors though... |
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The only thing I use my phone for is ... phone calls. I don't text and I don't use apps. I don't use the web on my phone either. My son put me on his plan and got me the phone or I still wouldn't own one. Personally, I'd rather have a phone wall mounted with a corded handset. I use my home PC everyday. I tweaked win10 to remove apps, change the desktop to icons and installed actual programs. Being pretty much home-bound by my disability, I'm not in any real hurry about anything. I have plenty of time to type out and respond to messages. Most of my time is spent on forums talking with other members about all sorts of topics. I'm not dating and not looking either. I only clear out my mail here 1x per month most of the time (unless I'm bored with the forums). Anyone who has participated in these forums knows I tend to write a lot. To me, text speak is lazy. Someone messages me (when I was looking) who uses text speak or idiotic partial sentences is NOT my type. No doughnut, no response. I'm attracted to people who have the intelligence to communicate properly. Those that understand how effectively you communicate directly influences how others understand you. If you are vague or too impatient to write meaningful sentences you will probably get responses from people just like you. Then, if you start a relationship it will crash and burn because neither of you are able to effectively communicate. Honest communication is vital to a relationship. Why start one without it? I agree with this. But I'm home most of the time too because of my ailments after 2 accidents and I think maybe because of that we are more relaxed than people who work. Working automatically means stress, less time for everything & anything, including self-development. I spend most of my time on personal growth, when working that got on the backburner as I simply didn't have that much time nor the energy. Simply put working people live to work (without really being aware of it) don't work to live. Basically people haven't much choice unless in higher paying jobs so they can work part-time. Being an active 'member' of western society means stress. I'm not engaged much in society. Partly a choice, just doesn't resonate with me. I suspect it's pretty much the same for you. In a sense our ailments allow us the luxury to live that way and choose interaction with those that do resonate. Also, many people suffer from what I call 'reading fatigue'. Most spend all day reading at work, their phones etc. Most people don't relax their brains nearly enough anymore which results in skimming & sending short messages as opposed to taking the time to read & write. Then many are dyslexic, especially men as the female brains has more ways to circumvent the issue since their brains are wired differently (neurobehavorial science). For such people reading & writing aren't a lot of fun. And even when not dyslexic, not everyone is a fan of reading. But this reading fatigue... I notice it more and more. Just heed reactions and most of the time you can tell people haven't read properly. At times I'm guilty myself, hihi. |
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Thinking... sleep! I think the bedroom has cooled off as we had colder air coming in this evening :D
So sleeping in a nice quite cool bedroom, yep, sounds good to me! |
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Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - series - 2022 - 8,2 IMDB rating
I watched the first episode and me likes it! A lot!! What a brilliant idea to move away from Kirk as main character and switch to Pike whom we saw in one of the latest movies with Chris Pine. Now I've only seen one episode but it is very very promising! |
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Topic:
Opinions welcome - 36/F/USA
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Thank you! I actually can't see likes without having to pay for a subscription. But I can see messages. Likes are pretty pointless here anyways. Usually coming from what one could call t@$$ers, haha. I do think they changed some stuff a while back so that newcomers have to wait a while before they have access to all the free stuff. To try and repel scammers. But I'm not sure what they changed... In any case, good luck! |
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Topic:
Opinions welcome - 36/F/USA
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I like it :) Clearly expresses that you know what you want and with that who you are and what you stand for.
What I would add is the amount of time I have to spend on a man, I mean, with 4 children to care for... You say "they sometimes live at home", so I take it they're with dad's regularly? Make clear you yourself have time for a man, now it only says "I require time & attention". Do you have it to give yourself? Might be a good addition to the rest! Oh, and delete the first sentence. It's a free site so you can message and see likes. Good luck! |
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23°C Partly Cloudy Rainfall in last 24 hrs 8 mm Humidity 70% Wind 4 mph Feels Like 24°C Pressure 1015 hPa Visibility 12 miles UV Index 5 Air Pollution 2 It wasn’t too bad here last night (16°C) but the rain didn’t stop the humidity. No thunderstorms yet even though it’s been forecast….just rain this morning. Our town fair was yesterday but I didn’t go as it was too hot (reached 30°C). My eldest grandson won money as first prize in an archery competition so he’s glad that he went to it haha. My daughter did send me lots of pics and also of the floats that drove through the town so I didn’t miss much. The sun is now out again but I’m hoping it will be a bit cooler than yesterday  Sounds like a good fair, and great your grandson won a prize! Archery is pretty dammed cool!! The fair I was going to was a spiritual one so right up my alley, hihi. And the woman who organises these things also sells goodies like statues, books, (oracle/Tarot) cards, jewelry and whatnot, and she had a big sale today as she wants to reduce her assortment. Would've been interesting! But it is what it is. And to be honest, I would have loved being there, but with this heat I'm glad to be home! I've done a wonderful meditation, about to do another. Yesterday I did a wash, hung it outdoors. It'd dried within 1-2 hours, haha. So there is an upside to heat, lol. |
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Yes, last night was a very warm night. It'd stay around 23C and since I haven't got roof insulation with slanted roof through my bedroom it really gets warm. Plus, the heat from the rooftiles will keep radiating for quite some time too.
I did sleep well though, only a top and no covers, but it's only the first night. Usually it builds up, gets worse after a few days, doesn't it. I have cancelled the fair I was going to today. I'd been looking forward to it for weeks, was going to get a soundhealing in a group and a chair massage. Lots of other fun things to do & buy. Organised by the same woman that did the Beltane (Mayday) event. But the prospect of a 45 min drive in a stinking hot car made me decide to stay home. When I went to see the kitten Thursday it was 26C, also a 45 min drive. By the time I got home I was totalled, hihi. So to go out when it's much warmer... I'm thinking maybe get the airco fixed if I can afford it... OT- 32C sunny, a bit of wind. |
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Considering where you are in life and what you're looking for you're likely better off on an AUS sex site, preferably even a Victoria and/or NSW one.
There's a vast international audience here, many Americans too, so the chance of getting a sex date in Melbourne area here is small. |
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32C sunny, very hot, not much wind.
Indoors it's 25C already after just the 1 warmer day. I'm glad we finally have summer weather, but this is too hot. Not much you can do with 32C, except burn, hihi. |
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