Well, most of the women that I've met through this have turned out to be mental. I don't expect everybody to be interested in me and maybe I attract them but it's the impulsive ones that actually make dates.

There really isn't any point in dragging it out with the emails if you're dating locally. I can tell you my life story when we meet up. One that I dated said that she wasn't really into emailing and she had to meet me to "know". And this was somebody that texts and Facebooks friends all the time. It's a scarey thing, meeting a man from the internet, apparently. You get all these time wasters telling you that they need to feel comfortable before they'll meet you but there's nothing that you can say in emails to prove that you're not creepy and the more time you spend trying to talk them into a meeting the creepier they'll think that you are.

Well, there kind of is if you're familiar with the accents and dialects. It's not just place names. My mother tried to bring me up to speak "properly" and I often couldn't understand what other kids at school were saying.

What's the correct pronounciation of a place name though? Is it the way that posh people say it or how local people with local accents and dialects say it? I'm from Edinburgh actually and I know English people that have lived here for years that still pronounce Scottish place names in odd ways and they sound even sillier if they try to do a Scots accent or dialect.

Basically, just don't even bother to ask directions if you come here. Just get a map or one of those satnav things.

Could be that they want you all to themselves and don't like the idea of you still chatting with other guys on here. It depends really on how much encouragement you're giving them.

I would feel a bit pissed off if you were refusing to do anything apart from messaging on here if you were also flirting and making me promises and stuff like that. Even if you aren't actually doing anything to lead them on (or don't think that you are) they might feel that you are. Why are you replying to them if you're not interested and if you are what's the problem with chatting on the phone? You said that you liked me but now you're treating me like I'm some sort of scammer or something. I don't need to take this crap.

It may sound a bit immature but there probably isn't a person here that hasn't enjoyed some sort of revenge against somebody that has hurt them at one time or another. It's great if you're such a strong person that you've never felt humiliated or belittled and wanted to get your pride back by "showing them" but this is the real world and we're not talking about amicable seperations here, where you just part without any grievances. And it isn't that easy to go from someone being the centre of your world to not bothering about them at all.

An ex can be like a ghost. I don't disagree that you want to exorsise them but this is just another disagreement between people that think that seeking "closure" is valid and those that don't. Lots of things are a bit childish. That doesn't make them bad. Wanting to hurt someone else is maybe but the example I gave wasn't like that. There wasn't anything vindictive about it. I didn't set her up to make an arse of herself and she did that all on her own. She was the one saying that she didn't want to be with me, so it shouldn't have bothered her if I was seeing other women. I've got loads of memories of times where she made me feel stupid but I can laugh about them now and if that's how I made her feel as well I think that she can probably laugh about it too now.

I got revenge like that once by accident. An ex phoned me, saying that she was going to come round and I happened to be in bed with a much younger woman. What made it funny was that the ex lost her temper with me about something and the other woman heard the entire phone call and commented to me that she had thought that it was my mother. The ex said that she was just annoyed when she thought that we were having a private phone call but when I told her later that I had another date with that girl I detected a note of sadness in her voice, even though our relationship was over a long time ago and she had chosen to be with someone else. As we were still friends though I told her all about the women that I was now dating.

It wasn't about revenge really and I didn't really want to hurt her. Part of it was about telling her that I was moving on and that other women do actually want me. There were times during our relationship where she made me feel like a fool and she put me into awkward situations sometimes and had a bit of a sadistic sense of humour, so if I got my own back by having a laugh with some floozy at her expense I was just giving her a taste of her own medicine and I hadn't asked her to phone me that morning anyway and if she made an arse of herself, shouting at me with a stranger listening, it was because she just assumed that I wouldn't be with somebody because she thinks that I'm a sad git that can't get a girlfriend.

I did value the friendship with that ex but probably part of it was about showing her what she had thrown away. Apart from the accidental revenge I was really nice to her and I think she was having problems with her new boyfriend at the time. We went out a few times as friends and there were still feelings there, even though I wasn't trying to get her back. One night in a pub she did something a bit inappropriate when she was a bit tipsy and I reminded her about it on her birthday and made some comment about how she would fail the Jeremy Kyle lie detector test.

None of this was about setting traps for her and I wasn't planning revenge in any way. I just kind of got it because I had to put up with a lot of BS from her when we were together and when you're just friends you can then call them on it.

Yeah. That's true that most profiles aren't worth reading and it's also true that even if you have read it you might still ask questions like, "What are you looking for?" because you're trying to have a conversation and just maybe you want to see if their messages match their profiles.

I'm sure that we would all love to have all of someone on the internet's attention and may even feel entitled to it but that's not really the way it works. Don't assume that your profile or emails are well written or that interesting. You may as well be a man and quite possibly could be for all I know.

I'm sure that we all get annoyed by poorly written emails that we get but why does someone's ability to correspond like this matter so much if you're looking for a real person with real interests and not just a penpal? You can't both have someone that likes spending a lot of time on the internet and somebody that isn't an undatable loser.

The matching thing doesn't work very well on this site for the following reason:

Unless you pay the only way to find out who clicked yes on you is to just click yes on every profile you're offered until you get a match. This means that loads of people are going to be clicking yes on people that they're not really interested in at all.

I think it's more that there aren't really that many new people joining up, is the problem. It's not that easy to say what a "genuine person" is anyway. Most people probably don't see it as some big serious "search" and it's just a bit of a laugh. Personally, I find that you do better at this if you don't take it that seriously but maybe that's just me and nobody's taking me seriously.

As far as this site goes, I can tell you plenty of things that women that I've chatted with or met said that they didn't like about this site. Most people that use the site don't use the forums and they're not interested in them. It's an international forum but mostly American and mostly the same people, as you say and as is always the case.

It's mostly the same people that show up in my area if I do a search as well. I mean that there aren't many new members and they try to make this about it being a small world and most people simply don't want to travel to other countries for dates and they certainly don't want spam, so they come on here, see if there's anything that they like and no matter how hard they try to sell it as a social networking site, it's a dating site and not Facebook and they've already got all of their friends connected on there.

There's a lot of competition from other dating services out there, including Facebook and phone aps. The point of internet dating is that it is fast and convenient. It's really not about getting to know somebody slowly through emails or forum posts. Most people don't want that and "Take your time and get to know folk on the forums" isn't really a great marketing slogan and there aren't millions of people using internet dating services because they want to spend a lot of time on it.

And you're unlikely to knock them up either.

Where do they get this data from? Do they go out and ask a bunch of frustrated older women how often they would like to be having sex? Do the psychologists then ask their husbands what they think about that?

It's right though. I won't date anyone over forty five because all they want is sex all the time. It was bloody wearing me out.

I don't see what it matters. They mostly just lie on their backs anyway. I bet these so-called "scientific surveys" are comissioned by women's magazines. Older women aren't oversexed. If you're asking two groups how horny they are it's the more frustrated group, is all.

People can be nasty even if they aren't "rude" about it. If they're not saying it to your face they're probably saying it behind your back. People that pride themselves on their manners tend to be snobs and a lot of what counts as "politeness" is just another word for BS.

Nah, his eyesight is fine. He doesn't have a problem reading the price tags. There are two shops at the end of my road and they're both run by Pakistanis now.

I'm actually on friendly terms with the guy that owns one of them and I have no problems with him , as he speaks perfect English and was obviously born or brought up in this country. He even agreed with me that some guy he employed was hopeless and an arsehole when it came to dealing with customers.

They don't have a large range of cakes. They get about half a dozen packsof cakes in once or twice a week. It's not just that they can't read the Latin alphabet properly. It's like a comedy routine every time I go in and ask him about anything. His English is terrible. It's a local shop that serves a residential area as well, with quite a few old people that probably require a bit of asistance.

There are very few of these smaller businesses run by British people and imigrants are apparently the only ones that can stay in business now that there are supermarkets everywhere. They say it's a combination of them being prepared to work for low wages and tax breaks. I don't know if the law is still the same but what they do or did was to get the first year tax free and then keep transfering the business to relatives, so they never pay tax. They will be making a lot more than they would in Pakistan anyway. I'm Scottish and not English and there have always been imigrants here, although you rarely saw a black person when I was a kid and the older "imigrants" were people like Italians and they have actually learned to speak English and integrated into the culture. Most fish and chip shops are run by Italians here, for example but they speak English and you can ask for whatever you want.

Some people would say that imigration has gone a bit crazy here now. What makes it worse is modern technology because everywhere you go they're talking in loud voices and they have phones. I think that I can say that I'm not racist when it's only the ones that don't speak English, or are rude or stupid, that I have a problem with. Of course, "rudeness" is somewhat subjective and what counts as "manners" varies from culture to culture. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if the language barrier is so much the problem, or if they're just being ignorant bastards.

I remember when you could go into a shop to buy groceries and they would speak English but now they don't and you don't really get proper service anymore. I went into my local shop the other day and I asked what sort of cakes he had because I felt a bit peckish and he actually said to me, "How do you expect me to tell you?" Apparently they can't read either and they don't have Arabic labeling on the cakes they stock.

I can't read either, due to failing eyesight, is the reason that it's a problem because I suppose most people would just go in and take what they want from a shelf and then the guy would just take their money. A chimp could do that though, is what I'm saying. Well, a machine anyway. Problem is that we no longer have much of a robotics industry in this country and it probably wouldn't understand English either, or know what a bloody donut is.

I'm not an American either.

I don't know what your culture is like but the thing is that it's all very well to say that "stoners" and "trippers" are cool but if you get involved in the drugs scene you're likely to meet a lot of scumbags and junkies and criminals as well as "groovy" types. And there are plenty of people that just smoke cannabis that are arseholes that only care about themselves and ripoff merchants that will drop you as soon as you're not useful to them anymore. The sixties are over and nobody's getting their hands on my stash.

Maybe it's an American thing but I don't like the term "stoner". Over here it's pretentious wannabe types that have probably been smoking weed for less than a year that call themselves that.

It also implies that it's a lifestyle or habit like "junkie" when again, I've never met a serious smoker call themselves that or even use the word. It's more of a term of abuse here, as far as I'm aware and it's like one of those lame cliques that people get involved with at high school in American teen flicks.

I'm not saying that it's unnusual to be into weed here. Quite the opposite. It's just so common and part of the culture that it's not thought of as being like some club you join unless you are one of those wannabe pretentious poser types.

I've had pretty much all of these and I would recognise them as red flags now. Saying that, there's a difference between someone never calling you unless it's a booty call and someone that just doesn't like talking on the phone much, or doesn't have much credit in it.

It's pretty much common sense. They're either messing you around or they're not. Sometimes people are too busy and it's understandable. They might have kids to look after, or some temporary situation that requires most of their attention.

The problem is that "too busy" types do tend to be people that are not emotionally stable enough to have a relationship. They may tell you that they're "working on themselves" and they're probably damaged goods in some way. You might want to believe that they will eventually be ready for a serious relationship. It's like you try to win their love I suppose and you're already intimate with them and then you're certainly going to get "mixed messages".

Social media is a big deal for a lot of people these days but better signs are things like them being reluctant to meet your friends and family, or introduce you to theirs. There's probably an appropriate time for that though and it's more that if you're trying to go at different paces that you have problems perhaps. Again, it's common sense and they're either acting like you're a couple or they're not, although they may be changeable about that. It's all very well to say to look for someone that's on the same page but it's often more complicated than that and people aren't sure what they really want, or if it's you.

Sometimes these things can be warning signs and sometimes it's just that we have different expectations about what a relationship should be like. It should certainly be fun but sometimes the other person is going to be less enthusiastic about it than you are and it's certainly the case that there are a lot of people that are afraid of getting emotionally involved because they have been hurt in the past. I could just as well be the one really wanting the relationship but saying that I'm not sure though because I feel that she is messing me about or leading me on and isn't really serious about me.

It's the same with them hanging about with an ex. It might mean your relationship is doomed and it might not. It's something you're going to be concerned about for sure. It is possible to be friends with an ex though and to want to actually be with somebody else. I've been in that position and was more interested in the new lady than the ex and the ex had moved on herself. Jelosy is bound to rear its ugly head in these situations though and if you have been lied to in the past you're probably not going to be comfortable with it and see it as a sign that your relationship is "doomed".

Being Facebook "friends" doesn't mean much. The guy finished with you and wouldn't you have been even more upset and wouldn't you have thought him more of a jerk if he deleted you from Facebook as well? Just because you broke up with someone it doesn't mean that you have to treat them like they never existed. People take Facebook seriously though and it can be hurtful when someone takes you off their friends list. Maybe the guy thought it would be adding insult to injury, is what I'm saying.

I'll give it a go.

He doesn't get why so many women on dating sites say that they want a relationship when they won't respond to his messages, or go on dates with him, etc.

For the sake of argument, here's another scenario:

Same story but those two dates were the most romantic nights of her life. Maybe they didn't even have sex. He's actually working for the CIA and is involved in some serious stuff that he wants to keep her out of and he can't make any longterm commitments because of the nature of his job as a secret agent.

I bet that I could take OP's story as the basis for a script for a romantic movie starring Hugh Grant as "the heel" and they would get married at the end and all the women here would be complaining that there should be more men like that.

When I was in relationships with older women they said that I was wearing them out. It doesn't matter whether they say that they don't hit their sexual peak until they're middle aged when their bodies simply can't take the exertion that they could when they were younger.

There are loads of middle aged people out there saying that they only want to date younger because younger people have more "energy", or whatever. Then when they actually go out with them though they complain that their younger partners only want to have fun and young people are generally like that. "But we also like to have fun", the oldies protest. Problem is that it's not your average young person's idea of fun.

If a young lady dates an older guy it's not usually because she wants someone to go clubbing with or anything like that. She may be looking for stability. An older guy's life may be quite boring but he's less likely to be getting into fights and he probably won't be in a gang and he'll most likely want to spend his free time with you, rather than hanging about with a bunch of arseholes.

And oh yeah. We're better lovers as well.