Warning: 6 'Not So Obvious' Signs That Your New Relationship Is Doomed!

Antonio Borrello, PhD Psychologist, Relationship Therapist, and Author: Dating 2.0

New love is magical! It's hypnotizing, euphoric, and enchanting, with a sense of deja vu and intense attraction. Suddenly, someone who was a complete stranger a few weeks ago is now the person that you think about the most. Catching yourself daydreaming of wonderful memories and having to redirect your thoughts over and over again -- isn't that what we all want? I certainly do!
If you've been lucky enough to share those amazing feelings with a partner, then you know how exhilarating it can be. On the other hand, realizing that you are dating a person who does not share the same feelings for you is frustrating and unsettling. We've all been there, right?
What's important is that you are able to quickly recognize when your feelings aren't being reciprocated -- and once you're aware, to adjust your behaviors and your feelings accordingly. After all, what's the benefit in spending your time worrying about a person who isn't showing as much interest as you are? With that in mind, here are six warning signs that the person you're dating just isn't that into you.

1. Dating a Person Who Doesn't Consistently Return Your Calls or Texts.

OK, this one might be obvious. When a person is excited about a new love interest, they're eager to stay in touch and communicate with their partner. If you're anything like me, you would also check your phone for text messages or missed calls more frequently, just to be certain that you hadn't missed any communication. After all, you wouldn't want to do anything that might disappoint your partner or jeopardize the relationship. And when you receive a new text or call, you are happy to return the message. You should expect nothing less from your partner.

2. Dating a Person Who's Always 'Too Busy'

No matter how busy a person is, if you or your relationship is important and a high priority, they will find the time or make the time for you. If they don't make the time, a relationship just might not be a priority.
Don't take it personally or question whether you're good enough. It's not a reflection of you, period. Avoid making excuses and fooling yourself into believing that you can wait it out. The more thought and energy you invest while waiting, the stronger your feelings will become. So, don't waste another moment thinking about their situation or wondering when it might change. Move forward and find someone who is on the same page as you are. In the end, you will be happy that you did.

3. Dating a Person Who Won't Commit Because They're 'Afraid of Getting Hurt'

Certainly it's appropriate to learn from our experiences and to be cautious with our heart. At the same time, when you meet that one special person who turns your world upside down, you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep that person in your life. Whatever fears you might have won't come close to the fear of losing the one you really love. If a person won't commit because they are "afraid of getting hurt," then move on and find the one that's afraid of losing you.

4. Dating a Person Who Keeps Your Relationship a Secret on Social Media
Does the person you're dating avoid posting photos of the two of you together? Is that person otherwise active on social media?

If yes, have you two discussed this?
New couples who are excited about a future together usually want to share their happiness with friends and family. If that's not happening in your situation, you should certainly ask why?

5. Dating a Person Who is Giving You 'Mixed Messages'

In all relationships, we communicate simultaneously on at least two levels; what we say, and what we do. Usually, a person's verbal and actual behaviors convey the same message. Mixed messages are inconsistencies in communication, where a person may say one thing, but act on another. Getting mixed messages from a person you really like makes them difficult to understand, and harder to trust.
Sometimes, partners enter a relationship with different goals in mind. One person invests in the relationship in hopes of a formal commitment, while the other begins more casually and refuses to make a formal commitment. Still, they act like a couple and reap all the benefits of a relationship. The partner who wants the commitment refuses to accept what they are being told in favor of what they want to believe. Don't get caught up in this arrangement, especially if a long term relationship is what you want. Doing so ultimately results in feelings of resentment and frustration and fosters a relationship void of honesty, emotional intimacy, and trust. Make sure the person you're dating shares your plans for the future and communicates a consistent message with both their words and their actions.

6. Dating a Person Who is Maintaining a Separate 'Friendship' With an Ex-Partner

Sharing your life with someone involves developing relationships with your partner's friends and family. Old friends who want to maintain a relationship with your partner should want to befriend you too, right? If your partner wants to maintain a separate friendship with their ex-partner, you must question their motives and the appropriateness of their friendship.
New relationships should be exciting, passionate, and easy. When you really like someone, you want them to know how valuable and important the relationship is. And, you want to know that your feelings are reciprocated -- so , you treat them with as much affection and consideration as you can.
That is exactly how you should be treated in return. Don't settle for anything less. Remember, if you're busy waiting, wondering, and worrying about this relationship, you just might miss the opportunity to meet the right one.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7937206/

yep, yeppie, yep, yeppers, yep and yes sirey bobbie

Goodluck to whoevers in a relationship then

Haaay...therein lies the rub...

I kind of see things from the others point of view,,I think thats love

I cant see myself expecting anyone to stop their life or activities to 'check' for me. Being that I'm grown,,and a parent, that might make the difference though.

Its one thing if I call and don't hear from them for two days, but I think its kind of odd the way people expect their texts and messages to be returned IMMEDIATELY. I know that's not the term used in the op, but I think sometimes people mistake immediate with 'constant'.

as for the too busy,, the word 'too' is an indicator that its not good,,,lol

again , with the social media , I think people are too addicted and look for too much validation there.
Now, If I haven't met those CLOSE to them,, that's a bit different.


mixed messages, seperate relationships, and fear of commitment are no nos though.

I agree with most on this list but as far as social media posts and pics...what if you are just a private person and prefer your friends and family meet your new love in person and dont feel the need to put it all out there for others business?

then you old school
nothing wrong with that

These aren't very useful.
They can be too subjective and misused.
They aren't exactly clear.
Especially for online dating.


This is what the article should have focused on.
The "adjust your behaviors and your feelings accordingly," bit, and how exactly to do this.

The "6 warning signs" is just specious cosmo magazine crap.

I mean

One persons consistent is another persons random.

"OMG! You took 10 minutes to respond to my text but you only took 7 minutes before! What's wrooooooong!? I read an article online that said it's a signal of doom if you don't consistently return my calls and texts!"

Too easy to find inconsistencies if you are scared and looking for them.


If anyone has dated online then they've either put their life on hold in the beginning, procrastinated things, or they've dated those that do.
Eventually, reality comes back. And instead of spending all Sunday texting or emailing your new person online, you HAVE to do laundry, you HAVE to go to the doctor, you HAVE to repair your car, you HAVE to go into work, you HAVE to buy groceries.

It's too easy to misinterpret someone trying to find a healthy balance in their life between their normal routine and a new love interest.


When is the right time to commit?
Some people aren't afraid to commit, it's just too soon.
When people don't want to do something they are going to use lines they know rather than dangerous truth.

If you've online dated, ever, you've run into someone that says something along the lines of "I've been hurt in the past, I'm not looking for commitment."

That doesn't necessarily mean they are afraid to commit.
That "can" mean they are afraid that the other person is looking for or expecting an immediate commitment.

Look at the profiles that say "I'm looking for my forever! I'm seeking my soul mate and partner in crime! I'm looking for something serious! I know what I want! I am looking for someone that knows what they want!"
All of that can easily be interpreted as "I am looking for an immediate commitment, guarantee, now."

Sometimes "I'm afraid of getting hurt" is just a means to buy time to interact with someone more on a more neutral footing.


IMO this is entirely dependent upon the relevance of social media in the persons life as well as what type of person they are.
If they are the stoic "real" man that is highly independent and never wants to express a weakness?
They're not going to be updating their relationship status and will be keeping it somewhat secret. It's no one else's business.


Everyone will give you mixed messages at some point.
It's why with all relationships you have to learn to communicate.
The only "signal" this offers of doom is if it's followed by no attempts by anyone to directly figure out what's going on.


IME the majority of people will not accept dates from someone as soon as they find out the ex is still in the picture in any way.
I don't think a lot of people date someone, continue to date someone, even potentially developing a relationship with someone, that's still in any kind of meaningful relationship with their ex.
...Unless maybe there are children involved.

Even then, a lot of people try to maintain a separate relationship with their ex-spouse, sometimes just to try and minimize it.

Not going to quote it because it's just too long but the only 2 of these that I think could conceivably be unclear are 2 and 5. If you're getting mixed messages the only way you could miss that is if that person has you so confused you don't know which way is up anymore in which case your relationship is doomed, you just haven't been willing to accept it. If the person is too busy for you you don't really have a relationship to begin with, it's the prospect of a future relationship with that person that is doomed. What person? Wasn't... Weren't they just....? Nope. They were too busy and you are in denial.

Being in a relationship with someone whose job/career/school don't allow them to call or text at certain times is difficult when that person doesn't understand how bad things can get if you were to lose those opportunities for what amounts to basically nothing. If you don't see or hear from them in a week and they have a regular/local 9-5 refer to the paragraph above. I personally don't talk text or call when I'm driving unless it's absolutely necessary I'll pull over if my family blows my phone up. I'll either call or text when I get where I'm going.

I've had pretty much all of these and I would recognise them as red flags now. Saying that, there's a difference between someone never calling you unless it's a booty call and someone that just doesn't like talking on the phone much, or doesn't have much credit in it.

It's pretty much common sense. They're either messing you around or they're not. Sometimes people are too busy and it's understandable. They might have kids to look after, or some temporary situation that requires most of their attention.

The problem is that "too busy" types do tend to be people that are not emotionally stable enough to have a relationship. They may tell you that they're "working on themselves" and they're probably damaged goods in some way. You might want to believe that they will eventually be ready for a serious relationship. It's like you try to win their love I suppose and you're already intimate with them and then you're certainly going to get "mixed messages".

Social media is a big deal for a lot of people these days but better signs are things like them being reluctant to meet your friends and family, or introduce you to theirs. There's probably an appropriate time for that though and it's more that if you're trying to go at different paces that you have problems perhaps. Again, it's common sense and they're either acting like you're a couple or they're not, although they may be changeable about that. It's all very well to say to look for someone that's on the same page but it's often more complicated than that and people aren't sure what they really want, or if it's you.

Sometimes these things can be warning signs and sometimes it's just that we have different expectations about what a relationship should be like. It should certainly be fun but sometimes the other person is going to be less enthusiastic about it than you are and it's certainly the case that there are a lot of people that are afraid of getting emotionally involved because they have been hurt in the past. I could just as well be the one really wanting the relationship but saying that I'm not sure though because I feel that she is messing me about or leading me on and isn't really serious about me.

It's the same with them hanging about with an ex. It might mean your relationship is doomed and it might not. It's something you're going to be concerned about for sure. It is possible to be friends with an ex though and to want to actually be with somebody else. I've been in that position and was more interested in the new lady than the ex and the ex had moved on herself. Jelosy is bound to rear its ugly head in these situations though and if you have been lied to in the past you're probably not going to be comfortable with it and see it as a sign that your relationship is "doomed".

I see this all the time. Very frustrating. Emotionally unavailable men. Grrrr

I never take much notice of anything a shrink writes.

They're usually more phuked up than the lot of us put together.

I agree I mean anyone who goes into psych for a living must be really......heeeeeeey

Was this "article" written by Captain Obvious?

rub?

it was, but there are still 37 posts asking these same questions on here at any given time...

thanks for this info, put my mind to rest a little :)

And then there's mental illness that can play a part in it. Maybe the person randomly goes moody, due to their condition. I've experienced it and tried to respond as calmly and appropriate as I possibly could. Even though he didn't mean it, he would shun me, because of his illness. Otherwise he was very loving.

......and the number one reason your relationship is doomed:

you are looking for signs that tell you it's doomed!