100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
|
|
|
Woah, let's hope that this life changing event doesn't mean getting your credit card out. Such a shame that it's too private to actually post it here and maybe other lives would be changed by whatever load of shite you're going to tell him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Some of my best friends,,,,
|
|
I think that you're trying to draw a semantic distinction there to deny that you're "homophobic". It wouldn't cut much ice with gays anyway and they would mostly say that you are, unless they were ashamed of their behaviour or sexual preference. They don't call it gay pride and then think that it's not homophobic to say the things that you do about same sex relationships.
To a certain extent I do agree with you though. Problem is that if you concede that you're intolerant when it comes to types of behaviour it's no different than me saying that I don't like pakis but if they learn how to speak proper English and asimilate properly, rather than just sticking with their own culture and community I'm not a racist really. Xenophobia is still bigotry and not that I pretend to be a liberal but it's in principle bigotry, as far as liberals are concerned, to not accept multiculturalism in all of it's diversity, as long as it doesn't conflict with liberal principles or the law, which what consenting adults do in private does not as long as it does no harm to others. I merely use your feelings about homosexuality as an an example and it's not something that I personally care about. Sure, it's like people on here attacking me because I've publicly stated that I like beer and cannabis, while those same people will say nice things to me in other posts and act like we're friends. Of course they're entitled to their disapproval but what I do is who I am and I'm still offended and it's certainly prejudice that makes them say it. "I hate fascist pigs but my uncle was a policeman and he was alright." That is somewhat contradictory and I either dislike the police or I don't. That's the sort of thing you're talking about I think and I'm sorry if I'm not engaging properly with your main point because, "Some of my best friends are" is an American thing and I'm just chipping in and suggesting why people might talk like that and for them to think that it's alright to be intolerant of groups, whether it's their gender, skin colour, behaviour, or whatever but to also say that they like some of them and get on very well with those ones. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The, "I don't play games with people" seems like a non-sequitur and you even repeated it. Seems like you just insert that in a protesteh too much kind of manner, in an atempt to cancel out the negativity that's the rest of it. Also, your posting could do with a bit of paragraphising.
Sorry if you don't take criticism well but if you're using this medium to try to find a mate things like that can be kind of important. You're as likely to be ignored by writing like that as by telling them about your health problems. Also, online may be your best bet but it can't be the case that it's your only chance because you said that you do go out sometimes and if you genuinely do have confidence you're possibly more likely to meet someone while out buying groceries. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
|
|
There's protecting then there's not being good enough. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean everything you say is on level with a deity. There is a fine line between compassion and negative mindsets. This is true. As adults you do have to decide if a parent is too toxic or if you are making them respond in a toxic way. As adults if you have frustrated your loved ones for so many years with various dramas and addictions you can not expect them to be sweetness and light. They suffer right along with a failed child even an adult child. As adults we have to accept our own part in family dramas. Weather they are a result of a disability, having not learned basic social skills from the family, or not receiving the care and love every child deserves. Sometimes that requires out side intervention. To go to someone you know does not how to meet your needs over and over is just and other level of insanity. Few parents have the coping skills to deal with, for instance a disabled child, well. Especially what are nearly elderly parents that got little or no help while they were in the midst of it. But at some point as and adult you have to grow up and smell the coffee and quit throwing tantrums because your parents don't know how to handled some things any better than you do. Maybe OP's picker in relationships is lacking from not having a great example or maybe he makes his choices through Beer goggles but at his age it is hardly his Mum's fault who he picks to break his heart. And it is his choice to not take his problems to her if he is dissatisfied by her response. But to abuse her publicly for being a failed mother because he does not like the end result of his own actions is hardly her fault. He says he chronically picks women his family can't abide so he is ignoring their counsel then abusing them for it. I doubt any Mother is a mind reader; and how would she knows what response he was looking for? Clearly none is going to make him happy. If she told him she was heart broken too do you think he would have seen that as sympathy or more criticism? At some point in adult life we all have to quit blaming our bad behavior/life on Mummy and Daddy and own our own actions. Pull ourselves up by our boot straps if that is all we have and make a go of life just like every other adult in the world does on their own. Parents do not live for ever; one has to do it sooner or later. And most do not expect great pity or a substitute parent because of it. MOST actually take great pride in finally weaning away from parents. Is it easy putting a disabled adult child on the curb and say "Fend for yourself?" Not particularly but it is certainly no different than putting and able child out in the world and seeing them find their footing. Well, actually you're wrong again (sort of) because my mother liked my ex and even introduced me to her. My drinking and smoking is another matter. Yes, you could say that it's understandable that my family don't like me using that as a coping mechanism for the depression that I have to deal with and I'm not exactly bragging about that and maybe I only attract women that are into that sort of thing as well but it's still my life and my business and I agree that I probably shouldn't be talking to my mother about it but she's been supportive in the past and she actually calls me her rock because I have tried to do the same for her and we have always been close, as I'm her eldest son. The other people's children are my sister's kids. My parents get no money from doing that and they are just unpaid babysitters. I don't get on with my sister, as I said and think that she should look after her own kids but I mentioned that because they spend more time doing that now than doing anything for me, or even spending time with me. They barge into my house, or I ask them out for a meal and then they can't wait to leave after they've done what they want to do and not what I want. I can wash my own dishes but I have problems with other things because of my disability and that's annoying and sparks off more arguments. They come into my house and tut tut at the mess or untidyness but when I ask them if they can help me to sort things out and help me tidy up stuff they don't and then give me a lot of crap about how they have to leave after doing things that I didn't ask them to do, such as putting my garbage out. I'll literally say to leave it but it's like an OCD thing with my mother, or sheer pigheadedness. BTW, even if I have a picture on here there's virtually no chance that anyone in my family will read this thread and if they do, so f**king what? I've told them to their faces that I'm pissed off about it and I'm hardly going behind their backs here and they think that they're not in the wrong anyway, so can hardly complain that I talked to people on the internet about it, especially when you're determined to take their side, even though you don't even know them and are just basing your arguments on Old Testament morality. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
|
|
And yes. When they barged into my house today I told my mother that all I want is my keys and credit card back but got some BS back from her and she did the usual and assumed that I was pissed off and would come running to her when I need her because nobody else cares.
That may be the case but I don't like this situation and at this moment I would rather be alone with nobody caring and doing stuff for me when it's causing problems between us. I would like to be able to get on with them some time in the future but it is the case that they don't respect me and treat me like this and I'm through with trying to seek their approval because nothing that I ever do is good enough for them really and it's my life at the end of the day. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
|
|
Well Joyce, my mother is an old lady and will be dead soon anyway and does very little to help me out of the gutter these days because she's too busy babysitting other people's children.
As far as my sister goes, she doesn't give a crap about me: doesn't even like me and I'm certainly not counting on her for anything when I need somebody's help because I've practically pleaded with her and tried to build a relationship with her but she simply isn't interested and that's what she's like, the selfish little bitsh. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
|
|
Thanks for your replies.
Yes, I'm certainly a grown adult and even though this sort of thing bugged me as a teenager it's become unacceptable now and hard as it may have been I have told them to stay out of my life from now on and that I'll just get on with it. There is the female nagging and I might be able to put up with that from a girlfriend or wife but I don't have to take that from my mother at this age. They're perhaps two seperate issues because my mother hasn't been that bad about my girlfriends in the past but all she does is nag me now, while my father doesn't really care and just criticises because he's always been like that and we have never really got on. It's been hard anyway and I've said it before and then it's just gone back to the way it's always been but I did tell them quite bluntly that I don't enjoy their company and they don't enjoy mine and a recent incident finally made my mind up about it and I told them that because that's the way it is they can just F off. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
|
|
No. I don't live with them but I have given them keys to my house and my credit card and accepted help from them with things that are a bit inconvenient for me but that I could do myself. They kind of use that against me and think that it gives them the right to treat me like a child and tell me how to live my life and constantly judge me. Admittedly, I am one of their children but they don't treat my sister like that and every time I say anything about that I get this crap about how I'm jealous, when it's favoritism and not treating us all the same, even though they were nicer to me in the past and it's just that my sister has succeeded in life and is married with kids and isn't a constant disappointment to them or somebody that they respect or something.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
What gives them the right?
Edited by
TawtStrat
on
Tue 06/16/15 09:30 AM
|
|
What gives my family the right to criticise my girlfriends when at least even if those women hadn't been in my life for that long they still liked and accepted me as a person and wanted to spend time with me when they did want to know me?
What gives them the right to be like that about it when I've just broken up with a girlfriend and need sympathy and the last thing I want is them belittling a relationship that meant a lot to me and even being sarcastic about it and being wankers about it just because they didn't care about that woman at all and they think that I'm stupid for doing so and being a prick for being in not the best of moods and ruining their day by talking about her and not wanting to talk about any of their BS, the selfish bastards that ruined my life? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Some of my best friends,,,,
|
|
I seem to recall the OP of this thread posting opinions about homosexuality in the past that many people would consider bigoted and even ignorant. You can say that you just have an opinion about them, or try to use science or scripture to justify those opinions but they are still going to be considered bigoted and ignorant.
It is possible to say or do things that can be called bigoted while still being friendly with members of groups that you are prejudiced against. I know a female minister of the church whose son is gay and although she hasn't discussed it with me, I think it's a case of loving who he is (her son) but not liking what he is (homosexual). It's possible to say that you dislike a particular group in general but that you think that some of them are alright as individuals. There's a certain amount of racism against Pakistanis in this country, for instance and people may have attitudes about their culture and things that make them different but also try to get along amicably with them. I was in a shop run by a Pakistani a couple of years ago and a lady that's a neighbor of mine refered to him as "Al-Qaeda here" right to his face. She didn't mean it in a nasty way and he didn't take offence but some people would still call that bigotry and it wouldn't matter to them that it was said in a humorous spirit and not maliciously. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
The summertime blues
|
|
Tawt, I think there was a little voice inside that you were listening to and maybe not realizing that. I have had similar things happen...maybe she was giving off some ever so subtle cue that she was not available? Anyway, you know she spends her lunch hour there sooooo....you won't know if she's free till you ask good luck 
No. It didn't seem like that. She was really friendly and seemed keen to chat. I'm just a bit recitent about trying to chat up women sometimes and was kind of shy with girls when I was younger. Also, I am still moping a bit about how a young lady that I really liked and knew for a year stopped calling me and although that means I should just move on and go out and meet somebody else I suppose that I have mixed feelings about that and if there was a little voice it was maybe telling me that the girl in the park isn't the girl that I like but I should probably try to ignore that voice and I'm sure that it would go away if I did meet somebody else and click with them. The girl in the park was eating a picnic anyway. I suppose I could have sat down next to her instead of standing there but that seemed a bit forward and although my dog pinched one of her sandwiches, she didn't offer me one. I don't exactly know that she eats her lunch there. It was just a nice day and she said that she had decided to eat it in the park. I'm not sure how she could have her dog with her when she's at work and where it is near that park where she could work. She could have driven there I suppose. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
The internet
|
|
You can be told by a man that tricked you into coming for an audition that it wasn't really an audition and that he wasn't really a producer but a businessman with a lot of cash and that he won't show it anywhere because he has a wife and kids and has a business and that legally he can't.
But that can't be true because he did put it on the internet and I've seen it, so if you reply to this man's advertisement be aware that he's lying to you but he'll then make the thousand bucks for ten minutes sound pretty good. That's the way that he sucks them in. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
The summertime blues
|
|
Yeah. Having a dog is great for getting out and meeting people. Without her I would just be some guy wandering around there for no reason and the dog (or dogs) is something you can talk about and gets conversations started.
It's a start anyway. I didn't even find out if that woman was single but she didn't seem like somebody that didn't want to meet a guy in the park anyway and she was kind of gorgeous, so I suppose Keira will be getting quite a few walks in the park this Summer and I'll be hoping to meet that girl again, or maybe somebody else. Feel a bit like I'm moving on anyway. Like I said, that park tends to bring back memories for me about ex girlfriends and I've both avoided it because of them and gone there to hold onto those memories maybe. I don't exactly know what to do in these situations. It isn't a porno and I don't expect to just go out to the park and pick up women and bring them back to my place, although I suppose I sort of have done that before. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
The summertime blues
|
|
It's a really nice day today, so I decided to take my dog for a walk in the park. I have mixed feelings about that park because it tends to remind me of women that I've met there in the past but it is a place where you can meet people and I am kind of looking again now.
A little dog came over and started sort of playing with my dog but a bit agressively, as small dogs tend to do. The owner came over and restrained it and she was a really nice young woman and she was friendly and we had a bit of a chat. Exactly what I was hoping would happen really but after about five minutes and asking her if she was out spending the day in the park and her telling me she had decided to spend her lunch hour there I just wished her a good day, told her my name and went home. I feel like I blew it there and she did seem really friendly and willing to chat but instead of making the most of what could possibly have been a great opportunity and saying something like, "It's too nice a day to be working. You should come to the pub with us." I let the conversation tail off and I suppose in these situations, even though they might be friendly and nice it's a matter of confidence, or maybe I'm still licking my wounds over it not working out with the last one and thinking about her. Maybe it's that she wasn't exactly my type and I expect women to just throw themselves at me because I'm such a great guy and they all want me. Don't really know but I suppose that I should take it as a positive and not feel bad about it because at least I had a little chat with a really nice girl and I did tell her that that was the regular time that I take my dog out and that I do go to that park sometimes when it's a nice day, so you never know and I could meet her again and I was friendly and introduced myself and know her name now. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Younger , Older....
|
|
I did some research on this a while back because I am interested in younger women and something one dating guru said made a lot of sense.
There are three types of younger women; ones that are interested in older guys; ones that aren't and don't want to date them; then there are the ones that don't particularly care about age and might be open to the idea. If you're an older guy looking for younger women type 1 and 3 you have a chance with but you're wasting your time with type 2. I won't give you his rationalisations about why, in his opinion, older guys have an advantage over younger guys and are desirable because that's likely to spark off the usual arguments and snarky comments but that only demonstrates that he's correct and that people have different feelings about it. That's pretty much true when it comes to any compatibility topic. All we basically do here is post our opinions and feelings about the matter. We talk about our experiences and it will go on forever, with the same people saying the same things, or maybe altering their opinions a bit. All that you can really do is speak for yourself at the end of the day and bear in mind that the man's proposition is sound enough when he says that there are people that have strong opinions one way or another and the undecided inbetween. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Does being nice pay off?
|
|
Yes and no. There are people that will take advantage if you are and sometimes trying to do nice things for people can actually drive them away.
I recently bought tickets for a tribute band because a girl that I met told me that she was a big fan. Then when the time came for the concert she literally disappeared and I didn't hear from her again. Up to that point we were getting on pretty well and she had even told me that she thought that I am a really nice guy. I tried to arange what could have been the perfect date there and it's quite likely that she saw it as pressure or some sort of a deadline. She had told me that she wasn't ready for anything romantic but maybe if I had had longer to just get to know her as a friend and hadn't asked her out and given her gifts she would still be talking to me and maybe it would have become more than that eventually when she was ready. I don't know but that's just one example and I've had other women doing the same sort of thing when I did things to be nice and to try to make them feel special, while my longest relationship was with someone that was constantly complaining that I wasn't doing that and that I needed to treat her better than I was. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Younger , Older....
|
|
The problem that I've found with trying to date women my own age is that I rarely have much in common with them in terms of interests and lifestyle. I have never really understood why I shouldn't still be into the same things that I was into when I was in my twenties but these "mature" women seem to judge me for it. It also sounds like sour grapes when people on here try to say that younger women only want you for your money. I'm certainly not rich, even if I am an old perv and I flatter myself that the younger women that I've dated did so because they liked me as a person, or found me attractive.
It's just a fact that it becomes harder to meet new people as you get older and there are more single younger women that aren't set in their ways, with their quota of friends than there are attractive and available "mature" women. I don't believe in the conforming to society's expectations thing but I do believe that we go through different things at different times in our lives and I think that it's more about timing than anything else. That's as close as I get to saying that it's just fate who you meet and get involved with. If maturity comes into it at all it's that you tend to develop as a person through your interpersonal relationships. I sometimes say that I was immature when I met the woman that I refer to as my ex and she certainly seemed to think that I was but the truth was that we were both going through stuff at the time and that somehow made us compatible for a while at least. She called it a casual relationship and it was in a way because we didn't live in each other's pockets and didn't make a longterm commitment and it was on and off but we wouldn't have kept getting back together if we hadn't had genuine feelings for each other and in my mind a relationship is serious if it really means something to me, whatever it may be like. Maybe that's just me though and go ahead and call me immature for being an old fool that gets emotionally involved even when they aren't looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with. That's maybe the main difference. Younger people generally aren't but it doesn't make them immature. They just know that they have plenty of time to find someone that's right for them and one of the reasons that my ex gave me for not making a commitment was that she didn't think that I would be able to look after her in her old age. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
Younger , Older....
|
|
The term "maturity" is often used inappropriately.
A llot of men and women go through a midlife crisis, for instance. It could be hormones making someone throw temper tantrums like a child and at the same time they can be full of worldly wisdom due to their life experience. It isn't a crime either to want to do things again that you did when you were younger, or didn't get the chance to do then. A middle aged man buys a motorcycle and finds that he's able to get hot young women and he's not acting his age. A middle aged woman decides that it's now her time because the kids have flown the nest and she decides to go on a world cruise or buy a sports car and it's fine because society says that she's earned it. To the devil with your life stages expectations, society. Conformoty isn't the same thing as maturity and quite often it's the opposite and not just deciding that you're your own person and going along with the herd is what many children do and never grow out of. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
How many times...ya Perv
|
|
I only date and contact people that live locally and frankly, I'm not exactly spoiled for choice here with interesting profiles and I live in a fairly large city. I would usually only check them out once if I wasn't going to write to them, or if they didn't reply to me because you would have to be really bored or weird to do more than that.
If it's someone that I'm talking to or actually dating I would probably do it regularly, if for no other reason than to see if they were online or logged on recently. I rarely "perv" for pervy reasons. Sometimes I do it just because someone has a wacky headline and then I think that there might be some entertainment value in reading their profile at least. And yes, I suppose that I would have to be pretty bored as well to be doing that. I don't really get the dating site profile perving thing. I can look at any type of porn that I like with hot women in it for nothing and it bothers nobody, while most dating profiles are boring and if they have pictures of models on them they could well be fake anyway. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Topic:
why is it so hard..?
|
|
I tend to agree with the above poster about the way someone looks and presents themselves being important. At the end of the day you either feel attracted to someone or you don't.
I don't even have good eyesight and when I meet someone it's a combination of appearances. First impressions are always how things appear to you. For example, the last time I met someone she did seem very pretty and wore makeup etc but it was possibly more about how we interacted and chemistry, if you want to call it that. She seemed to be a genuinely nice person and it was a bit like we already knew and understood each other. We only had a brief conversation on that first meeting but I assure you that I didn't just come out of it thinking that she was "hot". She was but there are attractive people everywhere that you meet and don't feel any connection with. Conversely, I have met women that I didn't think were as physically attractive as I would have liked but I was prepared to lower my standards in that respect and then grew to see them as being good looking because tastes can change if you're prepared to try something new. There has to be a limit though and I would not date someone that I actually found physically repulsive. Looks may only get you so far though. Sure, pretty girls can get lots of dates and sex at least but then they complain as well that guys don't see what's in their heart, or whatever. |
|
|
|
|
Previous
