Yeah. I know psychology and "self awareness" is your thing but maybe try to stop analysing a bit. You sound like a guy that's trying to lose his cherry but is crapping himself about it. You've got a date with a nice guy but you don't know if you're ready for a relationship. You're saying that you're not bothered as long as he's tall and you don't really care if he isn't dark and handsome, you say. You seem to be looking for the same things.

You're scared because you've been in at least one abusive relationship that you told us about. You're afraid to lower your defences. If he really is a nice guy and you're just using this date to take another step on your journey of self realisation you are using him a bit. Maybe that's what nice guys are for though. They won't complain about it if they really are nice and if it doesn't go well and if you don't get on with him you can always say that he just turned out to be an arsehole.

Just saying.

When I was with an older woman I told her that what I liked about her was that she was a strong woman and I meant it. I even said the sorts of things that are in the OP here to her. The problem though is that only saying nice things about someone is flattery and she kept calling BS on me because we both knew that she wasn't all sweetness and light. It just doesn't give the full picture and it's not much better than just saying that they're pretty. A woman would have to be pretty full of herself to think that a guy that only says nice things about her really knows and understands her.

It's tough if you're a single guy in your forties because most of the good women your age are taken or are "I don't need a man" spinsters. A man that has sworn off women is a rare beast and an oddity but older women that can't be doing with men are ten a penny. They don't need a man and they don't want to be needed.

What's left that an older woman can do that a younger one can't? Well, they can maybe remember where they were when Kennedy was assasinated and be a no nonsense battleaxe with "opinions". They can have an argument with you about literally anything, even if they're completely ignorant about the topic. They have to because they're "strong women". They take the moral high ground by trying to say that brains are sexy, as if anyone under forty is obviously a moron. I've got a degree in philosophy. I've never yet got a woman hot for me by talking about it. It's a turn off. It's worse than politics.

So, it's a Hollywood movie where they give someone that's Danish an English accent just because he's supposed to be royalty? Sounds about right.

People from different parts of Europe can be just as ignorant about all of that as Americans. They get a lot of their stereotypes and misconceptions now from American TV and movies.

What's rather endeering is the way that Americans romantasise some of our culture in the same way that we see America as this exciting place from the movies. I was watching a documentary about the sixties the other week and there was a guy from one of those "British invasion" bands saying that Americans were always asking him what Liverpool was like and how they seemed to think that was where everything was happening. He said that he had never been to Liverpool himself but he had heard that it's pretty horrible and all of those people like The Beatles couldn't wait to get out of there.

Yes. I've got plenty of baggage too and maybe more than most. My point is that I've already had the experience with discovering this "real beauty" that only comes with a crapload of baggage and now that I've seen it it's my turn and I've been dating younger ladies that maybe decide that a man with a past and "experience" is interesting.

I'm not looking for that in a woman. Mature women are only better in bed if you don't know what you're doing yourself and I already know what it was like in the eighties. It was bloody awful and the music was crap. It's not my idea of a fun date arguing with a woman about the miners strike and rubbish pop groups. I'm not going to fall out with a twenty five year old because I say that The Smiths or Bon Jovi are shite. She's not going to care if I don't even know who One direction are.

I certainly don't just look for that in a woman and personality is at least as important. A man is just as entitled to want "the full package" as a woman is and if he likes her as a person and also finds her hot that's ideal.

If men are just shallow and concerned with looks it's the women that spend all that time and money that they do to try to enhance or maintain their appearance. It's possibly the number one thing that women are insecure about. It's a major hassle having to continually reassure them that they're not ugly. At least with the younger ones you can avoid all that drama. They'll believe you if you tell them that they look beautiful. They probably assume that you're interested in them because of that. I tell a twenty five year old that it's fine that she's got a fat arse because that's what I like and if I say the same thing to a forty five year old she'll throw a fit.

I've had both and there's something to be said for both of them. Had a relationship with a middle aged woman and then dated another one because I had come around to the "age appropriate" thing by doing it and spending years trying to keep a relationship with her going.

I thought that I would be getting the same sort of thing with that next woman but if anything what that woman had been through had made her ugly and she was damaged goods for sure. I couldn't see past her physical imperfections like I could with my ex and it's not far from the truth to say that my ex was just like a comfortable pair of old slippers that I had become used to.

I went back to dating younger again after that. I don't know if I have the patience to deal through a woman's years of baggage again just to find her so-called "real beauty". I've done it once and it was no walk in the park. And yes, if you start off with them already looking beautiful to you it's easier to overlook and come to love their non-physical imperfections.

I wouldn't assume that there's not much wrong with a man's health just because that's what he says. If he's anything like my old man he would be too proud to admit that he even needs reading glasses in front of you.

It doesn't really help to try to justify some things to some women and they can just get more and more infuriated with you when you try to reason with them. This guy says that he would check up on his dad anyway but he sees this as a better arangement. Why is it a better arangement? Anything that he says here just sounds like an excuse to her and, "I don't want to leave my daddy."

It's like an argument an ex of mine started about my dog. Before I met her I used to take my dog everywhere and was quite dependent on his companionship. She liked dogs and had one herself but refused to let me bring my dog when we went out, even when we were just going to the beach for the day. She stormed out of my house over that one, even when I had agreed to leave the dog at home because I guess she just saw me as a big baby with seperation issues, rather than as a man that had agreed to leave the dog at home every other time and not made a fuss about it but simply couldn't see what the problem was with taking him along for a walk along a beach.

I had a failed relationship with someone that was looking for somebody to look after her in her old age because she had arthritis and she didn't have the belief that I could because I've got a disability myself. It hurt and yes, it did seem like a double standard but it doesn't really work to say that two people should accept each other because they're in similar situations.

How did that guy expect it to work? Were they all supposed to live together as one big happy family and where? How would the younger people that live with the woman feel about it? That's disrupting two family units and households, rather than just one if this guy didn't come along with his father.

Oh. I thought you said that you had seen his picture.

I suppose there is something a bit scarey about meeting someone that you've kind of clicked with on a dating site. I had one woman saying that she was scared to meet me because if it didn't work out then the fantasy would be over. I did get her to chat on the phone and there was just nothing and blind dates can be like that.

One thing that could make it a bit awkward if the date doesn't go well is that they're likely to think that you're superficial and just turning them down on their appearance if you're saying that they seem perfect before you've seen them. I mean, you signed up for a site where the idea is not to be judged like that. Or maybe it's to discourage pervs. I don't know but the face to face meeting is the moment of truth for both of you when you find out if you actually find each other atractive if you don't exchange photos first.

I don't like the idea of a site like that myself because I don't like dragging it out and getting emotionally involved with people on the internet that may never agree to a date or really be my type.

Good luck with it though and hope it works out for you.

Yeah. Feel free to rate away. I know that it's very basic and doesn't say very much but I'm interested in what women looking at it are going to think, obviously.

I'm actually still a bit confused about what the rant even is. You said that it doesn't matter if a woman on the internet rejects you but you're complaining about it on behalf of "a friend". You're not bothered yourself because there are millions of other women but you're frustrated by the expectations that women have of men these days.

No. I do want to draw the line there. I'm atempting to say that I'm open to anything, without being taken literally.

I finally got around to rewriting my profile again because I thought it might have been a bit offputting to some people. As you can maybe see, I'm trying to go the other way now. I don't want to put off serious people but I don't want to put off people that aren't looking for anything too serious.

That's all I'll say for now because the mods will probably just delete this and tell me to spend hours looking for my old thread but I'm not doing that, sorry.

She did actually and it was a few hours. There was also her, "I'm going to be totally knackered in the morning and I have to get the kids up and go to work." bit to add even more spice to it.

I was originally just going to say, "Well, you got your way with me then." but I thought that was a bit vague.

"I'll phone the kids and tell them to make their own arangements then and not to expect me to be back for a few hours." From a seduced woman that wanted it but hadn't planned for it seems sexier to me there and there's the really putting me before the kids there irresponsibility element to add extra spice and passion.

I'm not sure about "accepting" people that you're only just getting to know and might not even have met in person yet. I'm sure that I recall you telling a few stories about women that you met that you weren't too impressed with. It's absurd to say that you should unconditionally accept a virtual stranger and I'm sure that you can't have meant that.

I do think that there's a difference between dating somebody that's not going to be all judgmental with you and meeting somebody that you feel that you can say anything to and just be yourself and the latter type aren't the ones that have those long lists of requirements on their profiles.

They're all judging and sizing you up though. And it's not even that they just bail when they decide that something about you is unacceptable. They're also thinking that there are millions of other men out there and if you're what they really want.

You seem to almost be saying contradictory things. You seem to be ranting about lots of women not "accepting" ( i.e rejecting) and also saying to stop whining about just that.

You do say that he's not exactly your type, looks wise and without wishing to be rude, you are known to be somewhat picky and ready to find flaws in men that you've dated that you said didn't really do it for you. I'm not saying that it's unreasonable of you to want the full package and physical atraction is important. It could be a bit awkward if he's a really great guy but you just don't fancy him. You might try to tell yourself that it doesn't matter that he's not really your type because everything else about him is great. Then you could find yourself in a relationship where you're not really being honest.

I don't know why you're scared and I don't know what your friends meant by the past, unless they're talking about your taste in men and how you're now feeling like you did before you met other people that it didn't work out with. He seems too good to be true, apart from what he looks like. He says all the right things and seems to get you. He is a bit different but how different really from your usual type?

That's true that it's rarely uncomplicated and you're likely to get involved with women that are emotionally damaged as well and if this isn't the sort of thing that you usually do your life can become very complicated quickly by these "casual hookups".

However, if you're trying to get over an ex a fling or series of flings can help you to get over her. In my case I wouldn't exactly say that I was just looking for casual sex but I dated a few women that weren't really steady girlfriend material. With the first one I did kind of keep comparing her to my ex and there was a lot of drama and I felt heartbroken after it didn't work out. It was just a fling though, so I was pretty much over it when I met the next one and I wasn't even thinking about my ex when I was seeing her at all. Things got really complicated with that one and even though I was trying to just take it for what it was and enjoy it while it lasted if it wasn't going to work out, I did get emotionally involved and that was difficult to get over as well.

I suppose that I should say that it's not necessarily that easy to cope with drama from your lovers and other things that you could be putting your energies into that people on here like to recommend that you do after a breakup at the same time. Then you're arguably getting involved with people that are bad for you because you're not working on your "self improvement".

Booty call women have the habit of expecting men to drop everything when they call and they'll not always just be calling to give you the good news that they feel horny. I'm just saying that it can be like that and if you're not the sort of person that usually sleeps around anyway you probably won't find it easy to stay emotionally detached and if you go out initially just looking for anybody that will shag you, you can get more than you bargained for. If you're a relationship sort of guy and not a player you're likely to get played and let women walk all over you.