The virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come

over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.



Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.



At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"



The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.


Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."



The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Q. How can you tell that a dog is mans best friend?

A. Lock the dog and your wife in the trunk of your car and see which is happiest to see you.

The Lone Ranger was captured by Crazy Horse. Crazy Horse told him that he would be killed in three days, but since The Lone Ranger was such a fierce warrior, he could have 3 wishes. The lone Ranger asked to speak with his horse, Silver. Crazy Horse granted this wish. The Lone Ranger whispered into Silvers ear and Silver ran off. Later that day, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde. She spends the night with The Lone Ranger.
The next day, Crazy horse, impressed by the intelligence of Silver, tells The Lone Ranger that he has 2 wishes left. The Lone Ranger again asks to speak with Silver.
He whispers into Silvers ear and again Silver takes off. Later that day, Silver returns with a brunette that The Lone Ranger spends the night with.
Totally amazed, on the third day, Crazy Horse grants him one last wish. The Lone Ranger walks up to Silver, slaps him, and says," I said, BRING POSSEE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2007 the penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10 - 12" Luxury Tax $30.00 Which one would be your tax bracket?
8 - 10" Pole Tax $25.00
5 - 8" Privilege Tax $15.00
4 - 5" Nuisance Tax $3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.

Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

10 years and 50 pounds

A cop pulls a biker over for speeding, so he walks up and asks the man for his name.
The biker replies "Fred"
"Fred what?" asks the cop.
"Just Fred" says the biker.
The officer is in a good mood so he decides to humor the man.
"How is it that you have no last name?" the officer asks.
"I lost it" the biker says.
"Do tell me how you lost your last name." the cop replies.
"Well, I was born Fred Dingaling. I know,I know it's a funny name.But as I got older I decided to become a doctor.I went through college and got my degree so then I was Fred Dingaling MD. I practiced medicine for a few years but soon wanted something more. So, I went back to school and soon got my Doctorate in Dentistry. I was then Fred Dingaling MD,DDS. I started messing around with my assistant who gave me VD. So, I was now Fred Dingaling MD,DDS with VD.Well, the ADA found out about how I got the VD and and took my DDS.So, then I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.But soon the AMA found out about the ADA's decision and took my MD. Then I was just Fred Dingaling with VD.But after time the VD took away the dingaling so now I'm just FRED."

Thanks again Wicked

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A DOPE RING.

A young boy is pushing his little red wagon up a steep hill.He pushes, he stops,he pushes and the whole time he is swearing up a storm."motherf*cking c*cksucking dogd*ck whorebag." and on and on he goes. A priest is walking down the hill and stops in horror at what he is hearing. He says " my son, my son don't you know that Jesus hears your every word?"The boy stops with a look of wonder on his face and replies "how is that Father?" "because my son, Jesus is everywhere, He is in our hearts, He is in our homes and He is all around us." The boy puts his head down in thought and finally looks up at the priest and asks "Father,is He in my little red wagon?" The Priest, thinking that he had made an impact, smiles and says "yes my son,He is even in your little red wagon." The boy takes a step back in anger and says " well you tell that c*cks*cker I said get the f*ck out and push"

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator.The elevator stops and a good-looking guy gets on. Both women check him out and he gets off two floors later.When the door closes the blonde turns to the brunette and says "Wow, he was hot!" The brunette,who had noticed that the man had dandruff said "yeah,but somebody needs to give him Head&Shoulders." The blonde looked real confused and asked "how do you give shoulders?"

A man is pulled over by a state police man. The officer walks up to the window and asks to see the mans drivers license to which the man replies "I don't have one".The officer then asks for his regestration and insurance.The man says " I would get it for you but there is a loaded gun in the glove-box. The officer places the driver in hand-cuffs and asks if there is anything else he should know.The man looks at the cop and says " other than the body in the trunk, no." the police man calls for back-up and soon there are squad cars everywhere.The chief of police shows up and a search is conducted on the vehicle.They soon discover the mans drivers license, there's no gun in the glove-box and no body in the trunk. Completely baffled the chief walks up to the man and asks what's going on.The man replies "I have no idea but next thing you know that lying cop is going to tell you I was speeding."

WHAT'S GREY AND CUMS IN QUARTS ?

ELEPHANT

A man goes to his Doctor to find out if there is anything that can be done about his two inch penis.After careful examination the Doctor tells him about a new experimental procedure that will graft a section of elephant trunk to his genitals. The man is so desperate that he agrees immediately.The surgery is a resounding success and the Doctor tells him to take it easy for 2 weeks then he should give it a try...Two weeks later the man goes out on a date and while eating there is the sound of a zipper opening and out of the mans pants the elephant trunk comes up and grabs a dinner roll then disappears. The woman is so amazed that she sits there for a moment then says "can I see that again?"The man squirms in his chair and replies " I would love to but I don't think my *ss can handle another dinner roll"

O N E W O R D