Our local politicians are highly unlikely to read this, so, you all are my sounding board.
Totally hypothetical.
Imagine at the start of this epidemic, in Britain, there were 50000 vulnerable people. This was the time when Herd Immunity was being talked about. If all of those people were to get sick at the same time, would have destroyed the NHS. So, we needed some measures to flatten the curve.

Apologies to everyone who has lost someone due to this Chinese disease.

The government caused the curve to flatten, no doubt, but did they save one sick and/or weak life, NO. So taking our starting point of 50000 vulnerable people and the current death figures of under 43000, leaving approximately 7000 sick and weak, vulnerable people, still self shielding (we hope). So, to my point. Are we all now living in a police state because of 7000 people, who could easily be protected by various means. The economy of the country being destroyed by trying to protect 7000 people THE WRONG WAY. They should all be isolated, their families should all also be isolated. That way the rest of us could all be back at work, making our economy safe. Having just come out of the recession of the 2008 bank crisis, I think none of us want to live our lives under those austerity measures again.

Remember this is all hypothetical.

This little old lady in a nursing home raises her fist and says, "Whoever can
guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight." A little old man in the back of the room yells, "an elephant."
She replies, "OK, close enough."

What do you call a Scottsman's computer tablet?

AN Och aye pad.

Thanks MJ

Following a night out with a few friends, Paddy brought them back to
show off his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather puzzled by a large gong
taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for Paddy ?" one of the guests asked,
"Why, that's my Speaking Clock," Paddy replied.
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you", Paddy said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with
an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For,
***** sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and
I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy.
I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope
you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time
you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with
my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before
midnight. -Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter
waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time
you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel
with the 18-year-old pool boy.

Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can
easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot
more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up!"

I went to visit my father in the care home yesterday. During the course of our conversation, he mentioned the supper that was provided before bedtime. I was concerned to learn that included in his late night diet was a tablet of viagra. I thought he must have got his information wrong. So, on the way out of the care home, I stopped off at the matron's office. I said to her, that my father had told me that he got a viagra tablet at supper time. The matron said, "That's right, we give all the men cocoa to help them sleep and a viagra to stop them rolling out of bed."

Nice one.

Excuse me for surfing on your joke.

Three men, a Drunk, an Acid Head and a Pot Smoker are locked in a prison cell. The Drunk shakes the bars and shouts, "Let me out or I'll break these bars."
The Acid Head says, "Don't be getting agitated, we can just float out."
The Pot Smoker says, "Yeah, sure man. We'll do it tomorrow."

Limpy (who has a very bad limp) and Humpy (who has a hump on his back, hence their nicknames) are in the pub, totally sozzled. When they set off to go home, the rain is pelting down. The shortcut home is through the graveyard. Humpy decides he'll risk it and sets off through the cemetry. Half way through the devil jumps out. "WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR BACK?", the devil shouts. Quaking Humpy stammers, "M m m m my hump." "I'll have that." says the devil, as he grabs Humpy's hump and makes off into the darkness. Humpy can't believe it and he hurries off home. Next day he meets Limpy and tells him about his adventure in the graveyard. "Do ye think he'd take my limp?" said Limpy. "Who knows." said Humpy. "The only way you'll find out is to go through the graveyard." That evening Limpy gets ratfaced so that he'll have the courage to go home through the cemetry. At closing time in the pub, Humpy sets off jauntilly on the long way home and Limpy, drunk as he was, goes trembling off into the cemetry darkness. Half way through the cemetry, sure enough, the devil jumps out and shouts at Limpy, "WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR BACK?" Limpy answers, "Nothing". "HERE", shouts the devil, "HAVE A HUMP."

Early in the evening in a hotel lobby, there started to arrive ladies with blonde hair. They ordered some drinks and talked among themselves. When there was about twenty of these blonde ladies, the hotel manager began to get quite curious. When some of the ladies got a bit drunk, they set up a chant, "18 Weeks! 18 Weeks! 18 Weeks! 18 Weeks! 18 Weeks! 18 Weeks! 18 Weeks!" The manager asked one of the blondes, "What is going on?" The blonde spokeswoman said, "We are the Blonde Society of the City and we achieved a fantastic landmark today." "What was that?" asked the manager. She said, "We completed a jigsaw puzzle in 18 weeks and it said 3 to 4 years on the box."

Glad you enjoyed it.

A good friend of mine confided to me the other day, that he had just murdered his wife. He also said that he had buried her body in the front garden. I was dumbfounded. He asked me to come and examine his handywork. When I arrived at his house, I could see where he had buried her because her bare bottom was sticking out of the ground. When I pointed this out, my friend explained that he had left her like that, so that he could have somewhere to park hia bicycle.

Thanks BC.

Have you heard the expression "Smoke and Mirrors"? Maybe it was "London Fog and Shiney Things".

He just said that he prefered the minty ones.

That's bang out of order.

Fantastic. You are really getting into the swing of things.

I went to visit my elderly mother the other day. She told me that there were some crab paste sandwiches and a glass of milk in the kitchen. I went to the kitchen and took a bite of one of the sandwiches. HOLY MOLY it was disgusting. I went to the sink and spat it out. I called in to my mother in the other room, "Where on earth did you get that crab paste?" She replied, "In the chemist's"

In Ireland, in a little known village in the country, is a "Wishing Pub". An American tourist happened on it by accident. He went in and looked around. The place was quite dark and he could hear a piano playing. As his eyes became used to the dim light, he could make out another door in the pub, obviously the public bar. He wandered in and immediately noticed the piano and unbelievably a tiny pianist about a foot tall was running up and down a piano stool as he played the piano. His playing was pretty good under the circumstances. The tourist, now able to see more clearly, noticed that there was now a barman behind the bar. So, he walked over and introduced himself. He asked the barman why the pub was called a wishing pub. The barman explained that, if you buy a drink and make a toast to the Leprechauns, then you can make a wish. So the American ordered a drink and raised his glass and said, "Here's to the Leprechauns" then took a swig from his glass. The barman said to him, "Now you can make your wish". So, the American wished, "I'd like to have a thousand bucks". There was a rushing noise, then a flapping noise and then a quacking noise and the next thing the bar was filled with a thousand DUCKS, on every surface in the bar. The American looked at the barman and said, "But, I wished for a thousand bucks". The barman replied, "You don't think I wished for a 12inch pianist, do you?"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

The joke is in the title.

Hunga passed his brother in the jungle.