The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of
his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they
went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can
spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has
ever made.
-M. Acklam

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
cult.
-Rita Rudner

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from
a grocery with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look
that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.

DOH ! Well I guess it would have helped if I had hit the verify link on
the email. Got'er fixed now!

I checked mine (and it did need fixed) and yes the messages were going
to my bulk folder which I fixed on that end and still the verify message
is coming up.

Inside me there's a thin woman screaming to be let out........
but I can usually shut the bitch up with chocolate!

Well like I said, it doesn't really matter who wins because someone will
win in the end. I was tickled to see my Steelers in 3rd place when I got
the email with the link!

Don't really matter who ya vote for Hon, it's just nice that they're
gonna give some city's food bank a crapload of food. I mean can you
imagine how much a total weight of an NFL team is ?

I was at work
Tneal, my sister was stationed in Ak for 14 years. She's a major in the
AF
We used to send the kids letters to Santa to her so when she wrote back
they were postmarked North Pole since that's where she lived just
outside Fairbanks LOL

Even if you're not a football fan go and vote for someone (my Steelers
preferably! LOL) because it's a good cause and some city will win.


CAMPBELL SOUP HAS A PROMOTION FOR EACH CITY WITH AN NFL FRANCHISE. GO
TO THEIR WEB SITE AND VOTE FOR THE team of your choice. FOR EACH VOTE
THEY WILL DONATE A CAN OF SOUP TO A SOUP KITCHEN. The team with the
most votes will get a donation to the food bank of their choice totaling
the total weight of the players on the team!

http://www.chunky.com/clickforcans.aspx
You can support the soup kitchen ONCE a day.

Welcome Smtnktn!
Good to see more than one person in Colorado on the site for a change!
Have fun here, lotsa nice folks to make friends with.

http://www.simonsezsanta.com/

Just type a verb like fly, laugh, cough, yodel or even kill
some nouns like tree will get results too but you'll waste a bunch of
time seeing what you can get him to do LOL

once again nice work Tx
when you get published how much ya gonna charge me for an autographed
copy of the book ? :)

Ya know this wouldn't be nearly as funny if it weren't so damned true !
! !

Bravo !

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1957, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1957! She took his hand
and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several
times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1957!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

(Don't ya love military time?!)

What do you think of Wonder Undies for blokes?
« on: December 04, 2006, 11:41:31 AM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=157745
paste the link to see the article with pics !

New wondercup undies give men a boost
Wednesday Nov 1 21:01 AEDT
Penis envy will take on a new meaning with the release of the men's
equivalent to the Wonderbra.

Australian underwear company aussieBum has released its Patriot range of
undies for men wanting to make their package look bigger.

"It basically lifts, separates and extends," said aussieBum founder Sean
Ashby.

"This design uses all of the natural assets of the person, whether they
be big, small or indifferent."

The underwear features a 'wondercup', a pouch used to "separate and stop
squashing".

The range was launched last week and already the company has sold more
than 50,000 pairs in Australia and overseas.

Ashby said the design had attracted a lot of interest in the United
States and Europe.

Locally, the design will feature in a major advertising campaign,
including a billboard on Sydney's busy arterial highway Parramatta Road.

"We know that the billboard is going to cause a bit of attention and
controversy," said Ashby.

The marketing campaign features the slogan: "The new wondercup
technology in these attention-grabbing, all-cotton Patriot briefs will
have you seriously looking bigger and feeling amazing".

AussieBum is manufactured in Australia with the business run completely
out of the company's headquarters in the inner-west Sydney suburb of
Leichhardt.

The brand is sold in some of the biggest department stores in the world
including Selfridges and KaDeWe and is distributed to more than 70
countries via internet sales.

In Australia, aussieBum is sold mostly over the internet with the
exception of one store in Byron Bay.

Please read carefully to avoid any problems over the holiday season.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.
You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're
going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the centre of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Have a great holiday season!

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got
back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her
mother,"so how was the honeymoon?"

Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we
returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd
never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got
to take me home...,

PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your
husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so
embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must! tell me what has you so upset. Tell your
mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust,
wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Cow Gangs are real, at least in the Farside comics (and the comics are
real aren't they?!?)

Not to bust anyones bubble but..........
http://www.snopes.com/crime/gangs/pullover.asp

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you
of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him.