the "chase" isn't the real thing in the case of a relationship. It IS
the end result, the finding of "the one", the chase is just the game and
I'm tired of the games.
To take another euphanism....... it's not the destination it's the
journey but the fact is when it comes to relationships the destination
is just the start of a different journey TOGETHER but all the roads are
dead ends in my case. And the journey isn't any fun when every wrong
turn you take means getting shredded. I'm finding too hard to believe
there's anything of a destination that makes the trip worth it.

pain is the reward? Somehow I'm not finding any of this convincing. I've
been told too many times that "it" will find me when I stop looking.
Well I have news for it..... right now if IT comes looking for me it's
going to find the doors locked and the blinds drawn. Life is perverse
and all I can see coming to look for me is another angle to see if I'm
stupid enough to expose myself to the pain again. It's kinda like making
a cat chase a lazer dot, how long before he finally catches on and gives
up? This cat has caught on and realizes the dot doesn't really exist,
the same as real love.

Well it's 11:30 pm on a Friday evening and I don't work tomorrow at
least so I'm enjoying a little surfing. Why would that indicate no job?
It's late evening at best across most of the US and some of us don't
spend every Friday night in a bar or someplace like that.

I just can't get past the feeling that it's totally insane to keep
sticking your hand into the fire when experience tells you that you're
only going to get burned yet again. And even though there are rumors of
a fire that won't burn you but make you whole the odds against finding
it are so great that you have to really question the sanity of anyone
who keeps going around sticking their hands in more flames. Like I said
it might be painful to sit away from the fire and be alone but the pain
is a hell of a lot less than the 3rd degree burns you're sure to get if
you keep trying.

I'm new here and don't really know anyone but Jen..... you and your
family are in my prayers.

Could someone please give me a single good reason for my being here and
for keeping looking for someone? A little history.....
I've been divorced for 7 years now after 20 yrs in a loveless marriage.
In those 7 years I've dated several women and had 3 or 4 relationships
that developed to the point where I thought it was the real thing and
totally committed my heart. Invariably as soon as I opened myself I've
been dumped for someone they just met. In EVERY SINGLE case the guy I
got kicked to the curb for was abusive, had drug or alcohol problems,
cheated on them, stole from them..... you get the idea, genuine winners
right? The last woman was very forthright in telling me she couldn't
help it but she's always been attracted to men she even knew were bad
news and she felt something with "him" she didn't with me although she
knew I totally loved and was in love with her and would always be
nothing but good for her she couldn't settle for a relationship that
lacked whatever it was she felt with "him".
I've been told by several long time friends (mostly female) that women
are initially attracted to me by my look which I admit is a little rough
or tough thinking I'm the "bad boy" type but then when they get to know
the real me they drop me like a bad habit for the "adventure" of a real
bad boy.
I was raised and have striven all my life to be a good guy, having my
Granny around as a kid and growing up with 3 sisters I learned to
respect and appreciate women and let me tell you, if I had ever hit one
of my sisters my Dad would have seen to it I wouldn't be breathing to
type this tonight! I don't do drugs or drink to excess, was raised in
all the "chivalry" stuff and still open or hold doors for ladies no
matter where I am. I grew up believing I was the sort of man women
wanted, and also believe that the only way for a "real" relationship to
work is to give yourself fully to it. It might take me a while to get to
that point but when I give my heart it's given completely. I've always
been up front about my past and try hard to communicate my feelings but
in the end it's that point where I finally fall that the rug is always
ripped out from under me.
Can someone tell me why I should try again? Convince me there's anything
really worth the pain because when you give someone your heart and they
try to give it back they might as well drop it on the sidewalk and stomp
on it because it's never coming back to you whole. How am I supposed to
convince myself it's worth it to take the risk yet again when history
indicates that most women have no clue what a good relationship is about
and they look for guys who will only bring them grief? And if there is
even a couple of women out there that have their head on straight how
would any one know because the ones who screw with your head can be very
convincing until they get you vulnerable.
I'm lonley and alone and it hurts, but not nearly as bad as giving your
all to someone only to have them run your heart through a shredder.
Can anyone answer this stuff and give me a reason to keep trying?