I just saved a bundle on my auto insurance by switching over to Geico!!!

Is it true that black people speak ebonics. Nope, it would be a myph (myth).

A stunning senior moment Apparently, a self-important college freshman
attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a
senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older
generation to understand his generation.



'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one',the
student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The young
people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man
walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear
energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones , computers
with light-speed processing...and more.



After a brief silence, the senior citizen responded as follows: 'You're
right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we
invented them. Now, you arrogant little ****, what are you doing for the
next generation?' The applause was amazing.

They use to call me the Siamese twin because when I was born I was so hung the doctor thought my buddy downstairs was my twin.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of

government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:

MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.



If


you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo
of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously
asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to
be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!'
she answers.

'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear

'That's me before the surgery.'

What do you think?

Have you ever heard of a bird named Gulp? It's kind of like a Swallow but bigger.

What do you think?

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

Remember that stupid song "Who let the dogs out?" Well, I have great news. They finally caught those guys.

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."


Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


Smart Ass Answer #1:


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

According to a new scientific study in Spain good looking men produce better quality sperm then the ugly guys.. I disagree 100%. I believe ugly men do because theirs is hand crafted.

Yo momma is so fat that she has to put her belt on with a boomerang!!!!

What's the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?





May I push your stool in?

How do 2 gay guys settle a dispute in a bar?











They go outside and exchange blows.

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned.

Did you guys see the news last night? They said that the government is going to build 8 foot walls around all the cemeteries in the country. They said it was because people are dying to get in.

After twenty years of sex in the dark she finally figured out that he was using a dildo all the time. She told him " what is the deal with the dildo fool?" He replies "what is the deal with the kids *****?"

Little red riding hood was walking through the forest when the big bad wolf approaches her and tells her "suck my d*ck". She replies "don't change the story, you have to eat me".