Joe Louis or Rocky Marciano would beat either one of them.

The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, and the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker.
Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive ERECTION she had ever seen.
Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation, took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself.
She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her and promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behavior.
"What's the harm?" shot back the first nurse. "I enjoyed it, and HE surely didn't mind it. Besides, he can't complain and I can't get pregnant. Why don't YOU give it a try too?"
"Oh, I can't possibly," said the second nurse, blushing. "First, he's dead and second, I've got my period. Anyway, listen, the doctor wants you."
And so the first nurse left.
The second nurse got to work, but soon found herself terribly excited by this massive hard-on and finally climbed on top of it.
Just as she was starting to cum, she was astonished to feel the man climax too!
Looking down and seeing his eyelids starting to flutter, she exclaimed in shock, "I thought you were dead!"
"Lady, I thought I was too," said the man, "until you gave me that blood transfusion."

First the price of oil, now this!!!!!!

The Nike shoe factory in China burned down yesterday. Over 100 soles were lost.

Did you guys watch the news last night? The government is planning to raise 8 foot walls around all the cemeteries in the country. Why? Because people are dying to get in!!!

Your dad is so ugly that the doctor had to prescribe him a mirror.

Yo daddy's ass is so flat that he has an aspirin ass. Just a little line in the middle.

Yo daddy is so ugly his face hurts.

Forget yo momma. Lets clown on yo daddy. Yo daddy is so cheap that he wouldn't leave a tip at a circumcision.

Crash Course in Speaking Chinese
Chinese Phrase English Translation

Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table

Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift

Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field?

Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive

Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host

Kum Hia: Approach me

Lao Ze Sho: Gilligan's Island

Lao Ze: Not very good

Lin Ching: An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space program

Ne Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signs

Shai Gai: A bashful person

Tai Ne Bae Be: A premature infant

Tai Ne Po Ne: A small horse

Ten Ding Ba: Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobile

Wai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?

Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice

A Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down,he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The Hispanic man turned around and stood up.

He then said:

"listen Pendejo....when I was born, I was BROWN,"
"When I grew up ,I was BROWN,"
"When I'm sick, I'm BROWN,"
"When I go in the sun, I'm BROWN,"
"When I'm cold ,I'm BROWN,"
"When I die, I'll be BROWN."


But you pendejo...."



"When you're born,you're pink,"
"When you grow up, you're white,"
"When you're sick,you're green,"
"When you go in the sun,you turn red,"
"When you're cold,you turn blue,"
"And when you die,you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
"Chinga tu madre,puto!!

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

One Stone.
This was his Indian name given to him because he had only one
testicle.

After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and
said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said,
Good Morning Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest and
There he made love to her all day, he made love to her all night,
he made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from
exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant business.
Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village
after many years away.

Yellow Bird who was Blue Bird's cousin was overjoyed when she
saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he
made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to
her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow
Bird wouldn't die!
What is the moral of the story?
You'll love this!!!!)

You can't kill two Birds with One Stone.

(The actual AP headline)


Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.


Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up
And with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.


One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and
walked over to the car.


He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.
He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in
the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.


The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors
were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.


When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough
on the back of her head.


A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud
noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the
back of her head.


When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains. She had initially passed out, but quickly
recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone
noticed and came to her aid.


And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

What do eating p*ssy and the mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and your an inch away from sh*t!!!!

One friend asks another "Hey Tom, how do you spell clitoris? With a C or with a K"? His friend replies "You know what? Last night I had it at the tip of my tongue".

A border patrol agent says to a mexican immigrant, "if you are a US citizen use the words defense & defeat in a sentence." To which the mexican immigrant replies, "I jump defense and I land on defeat."

I posted this joke months ago.

What would you rate my puppy on a scale from 1 thru 10?

Kryptonite?