Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

All of these attributes made him.....

A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What do you call beautiful women in Africa?





Tourists!

Did you know that Eve was the first carpenter? She made Adams banana stand.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?





Poke her face.

Did the doctor have to prescribe you a mirror?

And my grandma looks like Jack Palance.

Thank you.

I think that he must retire. Manny was too much for him. People say it was a fixed fight but there is always excuses when the boxer they like loses. Does anyone agree with me?

According to 60 minutes Thanksgiving Day has been cancelled this year because the Gravy Train has derailed.

Yes I did.

I just saved a bundle on my auto insurance by switching over to Geico!!!!!!



Yeah baby!!!!

How does a mexican cut a pizza?







With Little Caesars!!!!!

Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo, checking out the animals.

They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

They stand and watch him for half an hour. Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo, checking out the animals.

They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

They stand and watch him for half an hour.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Two days later his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ..."


One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Two days later his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ..."

A mexican nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Safeway grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Safeway."

Do yo work in a mine?

Are you guys tired of meeting these chicks who claim to be American but are currently in Africa studying? I am so damn sick and tired of it. If they went to Africa to study, why do they need money to come back? Don't they have parents?

You should ask her "ARE THOSE WRANGLERS OR STRANGLERS".

Awolf1010, your teeth are brighter than you are.

Rate my dad.