Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

I went to visit my brother the other day. He lives about an hour north of San Jose. It was 117 degrees. That town is so hot that when people go to hell they ask for blankets.

Laughter in the rain by Neil Sedaka

Strolling along country roads with my baby
It starts to rain, it begins to pour
Without an umbrella we're soaked to the skin
I feel a shiver run up my spine
I feel the warmth of her hand in mine

Oo, I hear
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

After a while we run under a tree
I turn to her and she kisses me
There with the beat of the rain on the leaves
Softly she breathes and I close my eyes
Sharing our love under stormy skies

Oo, I hear
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside
I feel the warmth of her hand in mine

Oo, I hear
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside
Oo, I hear
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

You get a shiver in the dark
Its been raining in the park but meantime
South of the river you stop and you hold everything
A band is blowing dixie double four time
You feel all right when you hear that music ring

You step inside but you dont see too many faces
Coming in out of the rain to hear the jazz go down
Too much competition too many other places
But not too many horns can make that sound
Way on downsouth way on downsouth london town

You check out guitar george he knows all the chords
Mind hes strictly rhythm he doesnt want to make it cry or sing
And an old guitar is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights to play his thing

And harry doesnt mind if he doesnt make the scene
Hes got a daytime job hes doing alright
He can play honky tonk just like anything
Saving it up for friday night
With the " "

And a crowd of young boys theyre fooling around in the corner
Drunk and dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles
They dont give a damn about any trumpet playing band
It aint what they call rock and roll
And the sultans played creole

And then the man he steps right up to the microphone
And says at last just as the time bell rings
thank you goodnight now its time to go home
And he makes it fast with one more thing
we are the " "

It looks like someone is hurting for a squirting!!!

I meant Snow White.

Where is Sleeping Beauty at?

How about that chick from the music video "Cradle Of Love"

I just got sexy with myself.
JK

Not me. But my friend jerks off anywhere. As a matter of fact he jerks off so much that he has a 6 pack on his wrist!!!

What do women and ants have in common?















You plug their hole and they go nuts!!!

What is the square root of 69?















Ate something!!

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?























He wiped his butt!!

I haven't seen any but I have good news. I just saved a bundle on my auto insurance by switching over to Geico.

Remember, they also have soap on a rope.

How do you tease a plant?



















With an ice cube!!!!!

Since my friend believes in reincarnation I would have to put "TO BE CONTINUED" on his tombstone.

vive l' resistance!!!

Sacre le bleu!!!!!!