How important is it to you that your friends and family like spending time with your romantic partner? And that your romantic partner likes spending time with them?

And how do you handle the inevitable 'stress of the holidays'

Distracted from the shiny objects Rainbow?

Statistically there are 3 times as many women as men who self identify as bisexual. You already have a 3:1 advantage! What are you complaining about?

By that logic, do you see a lot of masculine gay men switching sides too? That would open up a phethora of possibilities!

awww sweetheart

This may be difficult to read but you've put this out there and I will honour you with an honest response.

If it was so incredibly right, you would still be together. And even if he is miserable married to this other woman, it is still a choice he made.

So many of my clients hold on to the relationship that they wanted it to be and not the reality of what it was. Women, in particular, are really great at holding on to the happy bits while minimizing the not-so-great parts.

In time you can look back more objectively.

For now, it is okay to be wherever you are. We've all been there. And I promise you that you can find that again and more.

Treat yourself with loving kindness. That includes not beating yourself up with what if's and if only's.

Start asking the question - without trying to answer it - what is right about this that I am not getting? Or ask what would it take to grieve this relationship deeply, fully and completely now? Or what would it take to create a life and love beyond what I can currently imagine?

Asking questions without trying to answer them gets the stuck energy moving and opens up new possibilities

Also be sure to breathe deeply and fully. When we are in emotionally traumatic times, the first thing we shut down is our breath... we breath shallow in the lungs rather than deep into the diaphragm. By breathing shallow, we are able to dull the emotion but we also prevent them from processing -- trapping them in our body to take longer to resolve. Emotions are meant to be in motion.

All the best

Not necessarily. It is all about the masculine/feminine polarity in a relationship. We all have masculine and feminine energy. Women, quite often, embody more masculine energy at work. It tends to be seen as direct, decisive, authoritative, etc. All considered good things for getting ahead in the corporate world.

If they don't slide back into feminine energy at home, they will need a man who lives more in his feminine energy (typically seen as the nurturing, caring qualities) to maintain maximum masculine-feminine polarity (hence maximum sexual attraction)

Not all men living more in a feminine energy are gay. There are both masculine and feminine in all regardless of the gender of the body. It just depends where each individual is most comfortable.

... notice how often you see that same dynamic in gay couples ... top/bottom ... dominant/submissive ... butch/femme = masculine/feminine polarity.

Yes, I understand what you mean. For me, however, life and love is joyful play. I am excited to wake up every day to see what new thing I can discover about him.

I view it as being interested in who he is. An exciting exploration of yumminess. Discovering his subtle shades and nuances...his emotional ups and downs, his creative passions and his crushing defeats. Those crazy misunderstandings that send your mind in nonsensical places.

All those things that make us deliciously human. It is just not anything I'd consider work...

All you can do is be you.

My guy is younger than I am and I had a similar thing come up. He just showed me who he was and stayed away from talk of sex until we got to know one another.

Any guy that is only after one thing, only has one thing to talk about.

Show them who you are.

It is simple ... but it is amazing how much people like to complicate it!

#1 issue my clients have is an fantasy version of love that isn't real. They expect men to act like women (and be for us what our girlfriends are) and then wonder why we aren't attracted to them over time.

His behaviour will show you who he is. Pay attention to that. If he has anger issues and treats you with anything less than respect, run for the hills.

Trust your gut pretty gurl!

Wow! That's a lot of work Metal


If I am working that hard at anything, I'd better be getting paid!

Welcome. You'll find all kinds of women in the forums. Have fun!

I perceive all

I have just been reading through and enjoying all of your responses. I have always thought that women have this crazy notion that men like to chase more than they actually do. Then they play hard to get thinking it will bring the man closer...and are disappointed when he disappears instead.

I have never been an advocate of games. I do though love the allure of mystery.

We humans are fascinating creatures! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

Don't over-think this. There is no one right answer for kissing. It is a conversation between two people. When you kiss a different person, they may like to kiss differently.

Relax and stay in the moment. If you are in your head thinking about it, wondering if you are doing it right, wondering if she enjoying it, etc, you miss the experience.

Like any good conversation, you respond to something that is shared. Instead of using words you are going to use your lips.

Try mirroring how she is kissing you if you are unsure. Match her pressure ... focus on the sensation on your lips and begin exploring. Soft lips .. lips slightly apart ... not too wet ... don't lick her gums or ram your tongue down her throat. Soft tongue.

Vary your kisses ... can kiss the top or bottom lip separately too ... you can gently tug it with your lips....then move back to both lips. Vary the speed. Can move from soft butterfly kisses to lingering longer kisses with more pressure.

if you stay present in the moment, you will be able to tell by her response what she likes - then you can do more of that! Her breathing may change, she may relax in your arms, she may moan, she may pull you closer, etc.

As you both get more excited, you will find your kisses naturally changing.

Let this be fun and easy!

I read this the other day and am curious what you think.

Pop psych books talk about how men love the chase and how they need a challenge. But many women misinterpret that and act like a challenge for no reason. Most men get annoyed with that and feel manipulated (not intrigued) when women try to make them chase them.

I've also ready that typically men respect what they earn.

Is it, therefore, important for a man to feel like he has earned his woman? Like he is the 'best' man when he wins her.

What do you think?

Thanks so much for your contributions! I sooo love reading the advice you would give to your 20-year-old selves.

Hey Krup - I am glad things are going well for you and your lovely

Thanks for sharing Griz

Mlko, Kar, KC, Justin - thank you so much for your contributions

jkale - hello What is really evident by your responses is how much detail you remember when you are captivated. Thank you for that!

Hello again Mariah

GLRider - Hi Thanks so much for your contribution. I wasn't looking for a particular response but yes, what is being shared here is much of what I thought I would find. Thank you!

inkman - confident enough to embrace her flaws - I like that. Thank you for sharing.


You are wonderful! Thanks guys!

sooooo if I am to read between the lines ... you just really like beer?

Happy birthday my friend! I heart you!