Hi,
It can be difficult knowing what would make a good partner.
Who is genuine.
Who can be trusted.
Who is nice, and who is nasty.

Today I worked out a simple way for me at least to determine it:

Would I trust that person to be able to care for, entertain, and be nurturing to a baby if someone gave them a baby to care for?

Would they get angry with the baby crying and hit it?
Would they not have the slightest idea what to do to cater for the babies needs?
Would they get drunk and neglect it?
Would they just get bored with the baby?
Would they get someone else to look after it?
Would they be able to provide a long term positive role on the personal development of the baby?

If a person is unable to cater for a babies basic needs then how can they deliver the mutual support of an equal relationship with an adult?

Seriously???

I'd say best prepare for being single for a long time to come!

Yes, seriously.
Nothing I wrote in the post was wrong.

Just wanted to pin in my views here...

Could notice the depth of analysis you have done here n could understand your concern about the kindness n patience of a women..

Coming to your point, women can be crazy or career- oriented or even passionate abt how they want to live, but when it comes to taking care of someone they cherish, be it a baby or a pet or her man or any loved ones, women has their inbuilt nature of giving kindness, affection n attention..

But she's also a human n needs nurturing, love n care.. People tend to keep on expecting her to do this n that but don't remember that a women also needs love, attention n care for herself to cope up with the inner stress she's going on, either healthwise or workwise or some insecurities but people around her doesn't have time to listen to her..

If a women is nurtured well by her parents or her man, she will be glowing n will have the super powers to do unimaginable things n give tripple the care n love to people around her..

When we criticise or keep expecting alone or keep pointing her weakness, then also a women can function her daily work but it takes so much pain for her to self motivate, heal n then take care of her responsibilities n people around her takes this time to judge her incorrectly!

To conclude, if a women decides to marry, she gets fully loyal into that commitment n if she decides to have a baby, she will get that inbuilt responsibility activated to take care of her baby physically from birth n looking after the mental health of her kid during teenage n all the rest will happen in the flow..

take care..

Hi Are you going to get anyone willing to give you their baby for this test? I doubt it very much. I read hit, drunk, neglect... some very disturbing things that are illegal and traumatising for a baby. Maybe one of those dolls that students have used for experimental parenting would work?
And then try and find a woman willing to be tested this way...


.

Look we all gotta kiss the frogs to find our prince/princess. Just set some good boundaries, be good in yourself, don't expect too much, have fun dating. It'll work out eventually. For goodness sake leave the babies out of it!

Not all women are the same.
Women can have different motivations for different things during different parts of their lives.
Not all women are born nurturers just like not all men are born responsible.

A mother has certain qualities yet can get depression for any number of reasons which make them change their behavior.
Ever heard of postpartum depression?
Many women go thru periods of postpartum and other depressions when caring for a child.
Some women may not care to care for a child right now in their lives yet are warm and loving to her special someone. This is not a benchmark of the nature of the woman.
Women are just as wide ranged as men.
This is because women, like men are people with feelings, emotions and motivations.

A woman may love to cuddle a baby but care not to deal with the dedication and commitment required to mother a baby. Especially when that baby is not their own flesh and blood.

There is no way to tell 100% whether a woman will be a dedicated loving mother until she is faced with that reality. When you set her standards to your predetermined conditions you are substituting who she is for who you think she should be.

Thinking a woman should be your mother is a common thing for immature lonely men. Everyone yearns for the love of their mother but a girlfriend or spouse is not really supposed to be your mother, is she?
While this may make sense to you right now, you might find it leaves you wanting.
I agree with Crystal.

Hello @LoverforOne, welcome to the M2 Forums.

There could have easily been two topics out of the one, that you have posted. The caring for a baby is an exclusive topic, and has nothing to do with the "partnership qualities" in a woman!
A woman can be very caring about a baby, knowledgeable about his/her upbringing, and yet be a horrible partner. It would be easier for me to discuss on your topic if you explained how you relate "partnership" with "caring for & raising a baby".
As your post stands now, it gives me the feeling that the sole aim of a partnership and the duties(virtues) of a woman is giving birth and rearing children! This outlook is medieval, demeaning and sexist in nature.

Well said, Kevin!

I applaud you for your comments Kevin

The love and bond a mother has for her child cannot be compared to the love she has for a partner, after all as a lot of us know it’s as easy to fall out of love with a partner, but usually there is always a bond between mother and child (and yes before anyone says, I know that isn’t always the case!).

Not all women are maternal!

As for giving a baby to either a man or a woman to care for, again the care of a child is different to the love between two people and cannot be compared. Just because somebody possibly doesn’t like children, it doesn’t mean they cannot be in a loving stable relationship!

I'm amazed at the number of women who state on their profile that they have part time children. They are young women who don't seem to have real maternal instincts. Children need their mothers to give them a sense of security, belonging and being loved and nurtured. Why would anybody have children and not give them a full time home for them to grow up in?

Personally, I bypass any woman with that sort of profile. Children should be accepted as a blessing and mothers should take their responsibilities seriously and not be selfish.

It is not old fashioned or a medieval concept for a mother to be a mother. It's a reality. Children need us to sustain their needs and to feel cherished as a very important part of a family. They are totally reliant on their parents. Some people need to wake up to themselves.

That's some judgemental view of women. Again. Way too many of these anti-woman men here on Mingle.

The reason many single women work is that they often have to in order to make ends meet. In the past it was a choice for a woman to work and add to the family income, now it is mandatory, even when still with the partner.
And since a woman is now expected to work, and needing an income to get by, she has to keep her career and resume up to speed otherwise the working society won't ever give her a job again.
That way of doing things is patriarchal, meaning masculine energy based, and it's an unhealthy, unbalanced masculine energy. Needing proof, a full resume, work experience AND diplomas etc... all masculine energy.

Then the other reason: men these days also want to get plenty of time with their children and not see them only once a fortnight during a weekend.
It is quite normal that father & mother get shared custody. Not because woman is negligent but because man wants this.
And yes, that does free up woman to also have a bit of a life of her own after divorce, not just the man. So everybody is happy.

It really is quite unbelievable. Woman gets judged for taking money from the ex, but if she doesn't do that she has to work and she gets judged for that? Who's the a-hole here?

The picture your painting is an ideal and in this day and age mostly not possible anymore. Maybe think about all these factors and not be so judgemental.
Also, why are you searching for young women that still have children? Why not find a woman your age? Then you wouldn't have to skip anyone either.

Sounds like someone has mommy issues!

I am on this site since 2019. I have never come across a single profile where the "about me" section has the wordings "part time mother"! Yes, in the "lifestyle" part under the sub heading "have children", one has to select from the options available in the drop down window, and there's this option of "yes, sometimes they live at home". To whatever limited knowledge of English that I have, i don't think this implies motherhood or parenthood as being "part time"! Now, there can be this question as to how a non-adult" child can live away from one of their parents? This being a dating site it's obvious that most of us are practically single. In divorced homes there can be shared custody of children. Yes, this is not what is ideal, and a child loves the company of both the parents. But then, that's another topic, for another thread! In shared custody, or when the kid goes to a boarding school, the "yes, sometimes they live at home" is a good enough option in the drop down list.

I'll adhere to my observation that equating the virtue of a woman to exclusively bearing and caring for a child is medieval and sexist in nature. Caring for one's children is as much the duty of the father as of the mother. Mother's care in no way supplements the love and care of the father.

How judgemental on women!

In your last paragraph you said ‘need us’ and ‘reliant on their parents’ so you are actually saying that they need both mother and father. So how about all the men that walk away from their children, or from a pregnancy!

Any woman who says she has her child/children part time on a profile, could mean that she has joint custody with the father. Surely this is acceptable and as a man you would fight for joint custody of your child/children.

Everybody’s circumstances are different, and who are we to judge.

I'd also like to point out here and also reinstate that biological relationship is by nature different from a social relationship. Mother and child relationship is a unique one and in no way comparable to a man-woman relationship. They are not on the same page. Efficiency in one does not guarantee efficiency in the other.

If however, one is looking for someone efficient in all domestic chores and also being a very efficient mother, it's another topic altogether! Simply mention that in your profile, wait for responses....

Good luck

You have struck the very core of what ,I as a woman will and shall understand.Well pointed Kevs.

I shouldn't have to say this but not all women want children. I'm in my 50's with no children and I made that decision with no regrets.

To have kids is a choice,not always the case that a woman cant have children.
Treat a woman like a queen and she will treat you like a King.