I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window

I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over again

Old but still funny....:-)

THE FARMER AND THE OLD WIDOW...

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time. The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

A woman recently asked me what I most look for in a relationship.

Apparently, "a way out" isn't a good answer.

I've been invited on a date by an archaeologist but I'm not sure whether to go. After all, she doesn't seem very picky: she will date everything she sees.

Funny .

I went to the Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the winshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

GD

what would happen if a lady.puts a Cheque.in her blouse and run?


It will BOUNCE

I was buying roasted corn at the junction while waiting for change, I saw a woman with a little child, the child was walking a bit faster than the woman and the woman shouted, "Degree wait for me"

I was so amazed hearing that name, I walk closer to the woman and said ma, why do you call this child Degree??

The woman laughed and said, "I sent his mother which is my daughter to the university and this is the certificate she brought back for me🤣🤣🤣.

Lol oh God! can't stop laughing

Doctor: how many drinks do you have a week?

Me: i don’t know… i am an alcoholic not a damn accountant!!!

not to brag or anything but… when i get naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on!!

hahaha..funny

‘I told this guy to text me when he got home… i think he might be homeless!’

hello

Hi

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer…. for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

“Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple. “But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.

“OH, COME ON!!!” St. Peter shouted. “It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?”

FUNNY

I love it, thank you!