Do you have common interests with me

Three nuns are in a car accident and, unfortunately, pass away from their injuries before help can arrive. They ascend and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. Peter's job, as we all know, is to offer one final test to ensure only the worthy enter heaven.

Peter looks down at the three nuns and checks the ledger in front of him for their names and life stories.

The first nun, Sarah, has led a good and pious life. Peter decides to make her test a no-brainer.

Peter asks, "Sarah, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. Who were the first woman and man?"
Sarah quickly says, "That's an easy one. It was Eve and Adam."
Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings. The gates open and Sarah enters.

The second nun, Ester, has led a good life, but has from time to time strayed from the path of righteousness. Peter feels she deserves to enter, but he decides to make her test a touch more difficult.

Peter asks, "Ester, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. Who received the Ten Commandments?
Ester replies, "Oh, that's an easy one. It was Moses."
Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings. The gates open and Ester enters.

The third nun, Antonia, while holy, believes herself to be superior to others. She has bullied people, made them suffer, and never repented. Peter believes that she should spend a bit of time in Purgatory to learn humility and decides to ask her an impossible question.

Peter asks, "Antonia, in order to enter heaven, you must answer me one question. What were Eve's first words to Adam?"
Antonia doesn't know. Her eyes widen and Peter glares at her pause. To buy a little time, she says, "Oh, that's a hard one."
Beyond the gates, the trumpets sound, harps strum, a choir sings ...

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."
"Well, that is wonderful," replies the husband.
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.

WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES??

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 72 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again," I said, "I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.