Funny .

John, an 80 yr old man went to his doctor to get a physical checkup. A few days later, the doctor saw John walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

After a couple of days, the doctor spoke to John and said;
"You are doing great!!, aren't you?"

"Just doing what you said, Doc, get a hot mamma and be cheerful." John replied.

To which the doctor replied,
"I didn't say that, John."
I said "You got a heart murmur, be careful."

Funny .

NICE

Where do colds go on vacation?
Germ-any.

What game does chlorine never lose?
Pool.

To attract a partner, I like to show that I am cultured.
So I use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82:

“Hello.”

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.

Hi nice to meet you here. Wow your are such a beautiful woman.. I will like to know more about you..

Hi nice to meet you here. Wow your are such a beautiful woman.. I will like to know more about you..

Joker

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said;
"This is amazing! How do you do it at your age?"

The old man grinned and said; "You got to keep the old motor running."

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said;
"Sir, you are something, how do you manage to do it?"

The old man grinned and said; "You gotta keep the old motor running."

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for the birth and also after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled and said;
"Well, you surely are awesome!"

The old man replied; "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running."

The nurse still smiling, patted him on the back and said;
"Well, I guess it's time to change the oil."
"This one is black!!!"

A woman walks into a butchery shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you still have chicken?"

The butcher opens his deep freezer, takes out his only chicken left and puts it on the weighing scale. It weighs 1.5 kg.

The woman looks at the chicken and at the scale and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one?"

The butcher puts the chicken back into the freezer and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scale he craftily kept his thumb on the scale pan. The scale now shows 2 kg.

"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"

In a situation like this you realize at once that your integrity and reputation are firmly and seriously on the line.

Up till now, the Butcher has his head inside the big deep freezer looking for the first chicken

Remember: always tell the truth !!!

"Doctor, please help me," says the lovely blonde woman. "I am scared so often. What would you say for a woman who will jump into the arms of the nearest man when she gets the slightest fright?"

The doctor looks her over and replies "Boo!"


- Dave Allen

A man walks into the lingerie department of Macy's in New York City.
He tells the sales lady, 'I would like a Southern Baptist bra for my wife, size 34B.'
With a quizzical look the sales lady asks, 'What kind of bra?'
He repeats, Southern Baptist bra.
My wife said to tell you that
she wanted a Southern Baptist bra, and that you would know what she wanted.
'Oh, yes, Now I understand,' says the sales lady.
'We don't get as many requests for them as we used to.
Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra.'
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asks,
'So, what are the differences?'
The sales lady responds.
'It's really quite simple.
Catholic bra supports the masses.
Salvation Army bra lifts up the fallen.
Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.
He hesitates on that information for a minute and says, I know I'll regret asking,
but what does the Southern Baptist bra do?
'Ah,' she replied, Southern Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills!

Funny one Apple Love .

Everyone cannot be a Tarzan..
Especially in age of capsules..

FUNNY