I really had a good time working with our 7 month pregnant manic-depressive nurse last night. She reminds me of President Truman with his, "The buck stops here." sign he had on his desk. Only with her it is like the *****ing stops here.

i hope mom went to the hospital cause those spider's bites are deadly if not treated with antibiotics.

she finally went after a week of being in pain.........that's the main reason i wish i was closer to her......i'd have made sure she went to the er right away.........she's on antibiotics but two of the bite sights are already eating away

yeah a friend of mine almost lost a limb because of a brown recluse.prayers go out to mom..

I would be holding someone accoutable for that many insect bites, that's ridiculous!! That spider is nothing to play with, especially with an older people, whose immune systems are weaker.

Cleo, I made two complaints today, one to the health dept and one to social services......if nothing's done by next week i'm gonna call the local news station there to see what they can do.

like roy said you need to talk to the ombudsman.they will be out there in a flash.no kidding.

Easier said than done, it was my fault that this happened. She hung on to me for three months after she dumped me while I was going insane and didn't want me to leave. Things don't feel right anymore, things I said I did not mean. At the very least I want to try to be my ex's friend even if it kills me, thats what she wanted the most from me. The sad thing is I've got friends bailing on me left and right, my heart constantly feels like its being squeezed, I'm ill and becoming worse. The therapists and psychiatrists are right, they can't perform any miricle to get her back all they can do is try to help me. The only way I can see to help me though is to apologize to her, to hear from her again knowing that she accepts my apology and to be able to say hi to her again. Everyone makes it sound so easy and maybe it is easy for some people but this one isn't easy for me. I'm sure I'm considered a stalker, a freak, a emo, imature, a loser and more. The only thing binding me to this world is what my mom told me, they are older and not in good shape. They told me if I was to take my life that I would be taking them with me as well because they wouldn't be able to handle it. I pray for my death to happen, I don't care who takes me. I don't even think I believe there is a god anymore. After I heard that the rumor that they had had sex, I fell apart and scared up my arm. One of my friends about two years ago, shot himself because his girl was cheating on him and he walked in on them. Another person after my hospitalization tryed to shoot his heart because his girlfriend dumped him and told him that they was taking a break. My ex told me that this is not a game, I'm not stupid I know this isn't a game. Love is serious stuff, she messed with my head real bad and she screwed up my heart. She didn't want me to leave, I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't stand the idea of her dating another man it was really tearing me apart so I keep pushing her away, ignoring her plees, and told her off twice because my heart hurt so bad and I was in tears and out of control. I've told my parents to admit me, I've told my therapists to admit me, but none listen to me, they all think I'm fine and they think that it will make me worse. I appreciate all your guys help but this isn't solving anything, I don't want to be her enemy and I want to be on good terms with her even if it is just friends. I'm immune to what people think about me, everyone can say what they want but I really don't care anymore. I'm at the stage I really just wish my heart would stop beating or that I wouldn't wake up anymore. When she left I died, I did everything I could for her but in the end failed her again, I wasn't able to push my feelings aside or my jealousy and stay her friend and stay by her side. Everyone says to move on, everyone says to forget her but these are answers I do not want to hear. I want to be able to at least say hi, how are you doing? without her backing away scared or thinking I'm a freak. I don't care if we never hang out or date again, yea it hurts but losing a friend hurts worse and I caused it and that makes it ten times as bad.

Lance - I understand you are hurting, have you told you doctors how you really feel? I can't believe they won't admit you if you tell them what you write here. Have they tried you on any antidepressant? No one has said getting over your ex was easy, it never is easy, it is a very hard process, it is grieving, the same as grieving over the death of a loved one, it goes through the same process. You scare me with the way you talk about not going on and never getting better. Time will make it better and things will be better if you give them a chance. She may start talking to you again, just give her a chance to come around. She needs time too, you both need time to heal and grieve, don't expect things to happen right now, overnight, because it doesn't happen that way. But I really think you need to talk to your doctor about some antidepressant to help you through this. Your parents told you they need you and love you. You are hurting severely now, but you are still grieving and it is severely painful, but it does get better with time. Give her some time and things may get better and you may even become friends again, but it takes time to work through your problems. Please talk to your doctors and get some help. Make sure they know just how you are feeling and they can give you some med to help you feel better. Remember there are people who care about you and love you. Take care of yourself.

Amber - that is awful, make sure your mom gets medical care. The brown recluse bites are really serious. I can't believe the facility didn't move on it quicker. Call the Dept. of Licensing at your state capital, the home has a license I am sure and they would be interested I am sure in hearing about how they are running the facility and you can bet they will jump to attention if Licensing calls or sends out a state inspector to check on the spider problem.

I'm not sure on that myself, Marie....They used to be a licensed nursing home until about two or three years ago, when one of their patients with Alzheimer's wandered off the premises and ended up drowning in a canal across the street (how they made it across that busy highway, i'll never know). They are even now under heavy investigation as they have had numerous complaints against them. A couple of the complaints I made myself were about how they wouldn't give my mother her money like they were supposed to every month (she doesn't have to pay for her medication because of her insurance and that is the excuse they gave her), and the other complaint was made when last Easter my mother suffered a heart attack and when released from the ER (there's nothing they can do for her heart), she called the facility to get a ride home and they told her they would pick her up, just wait by the door. Noone ever showed up. They ended up telling her that (and I quote), "Noone was able to get..." her "...because noone who can drive the transport van was working to pick her up from the ER". That caused my mother, who just suffered a heart attack mind you, to be forced to walk 5 miles back to the place, which happens to be located in the worst area of the city, in the middle of the night.......See why I don't like this place?

The worse thing is that the decision to go to this place was her decision......I tried like hell to talk her out of it.

Those spider bites can be construed as neglect, especially since she has so many! Do talk to an agency that regulates senior citizen homes. I am serious, the things you've written are horrible!

I used to be a police officer and I used to spend a lot of time in the senior citizens home taking reports. Any suspect maltreatment in the state of Arkansas has to be investigated.

The elderly are in a protected group by law in Arkansas. I say that because I don't know how your state would handle it.

Marie, that is some very good information you gave, Lance. The death of a spouse and the death of a relationship are similiar in nature especially if you look at it from the better half scenario. In my two divorces I had to look at it as a death of a relationship. The results are the same because one finds themselves alone in a divorce or a separation just like a death. There is the cultural shock that even if you can't stand them your identity of who you are changes just like in a death of a spouse. When my spouse died in the third marriage there was still the acceptance factor of the death like the death of a relationship in the two divorces. Kind of reminds of the first step in my AA and NA where the program reads, "Who cares to admit defeat?" In my second divorce defeat was easier to admit because it simply just wasn't working any more. The friendship was gone. The same thing was true of the first marriage I really didn't admit defeat which explains to me the remarriage or second marriage. The death of the wife in the third marriage really took some time to admit defeat because I fought the accepting of the reality of her death. At some point I had to accept that it was really over and like the marriages prior there wasn't anything to hold onto to because there wasn't a relationship any more. It was a real psychological shock to the system. I can relate to what Lance was saying about wanting to do himself in. I had to have friends to help me with it because it didn't seem logical to continue my life without my wife being alive. I was asking myself why and what purpose do I serve without her. A part of me died when she died and through the griefshare I went through with others I had to regrow that dead part of myself. Today it is ok to be single but at one time I had a real struggle with it. To me I was still married even though my spouse was dead. To me that was essence of the grief because the love was still alive even though the one who gave me that love no longer was. I know for a fact now that love can hurt even though that love is good. The program and my higher power help me to let it go. My higher power filled that emptiness and vacuum and I was supernaturally healed. To me it is like that gospel song with the words of, "When nothing else could help; Love lifted me."

Well i've slid into my depression tonight. My mind has been working over time for the last 2 weeks and I'm ready to just rip it out of my skull. I'm just so scared that I got a woman preggers and i won't know anything until a few months from now and I can't wait that long. And I fear myself because i was cleaning a house today and saw a shotgun in the closet and a voice in my head said "you can ease your pain with that, just one second of pain and all will go away" but I tried to shut it out out but it still ****ing echoes. I dunno what to do, or say, or where to go at this point, because it all seems meaningless.

the woman can take a test from the store one day after a missed period and its 95% accurate.Whats the hold up?
as for the shotgun thing you better buck up mister because you maybe a daddy soon..is that the legacy you want your kid to grow up with?

Cute: You're so right! It is more important than you know to be the best of anything (if it's a daddy) you can be, it's your reason fo being! You may be surprised at the love that sprouts!!!

Amber - I would be talking to an attorney about now. This is ridiculous the treatment you mom has gotten. They should not get away with it. Like Cleo said it is neglect. Making you mom walk home after a heart attack, they couldn't even spring for a cab, my God. That is just not right. She needs a new facility to live in, and you need to get some state inspectors out there, if they are not licensed they are breaking laws left and right.

Brown recluse spider venom will kill any tissue it comes in contact with, right down to the bone. Your mom needs to have her bites checked and watched, she may need surgery on them. They could have killed her if they had bitten over a vein or artery, that is so scary. I would be thinking lawsuit for neglect at least. Compensation for medical bills, etc.

I could talk to momma about that, but i doubt she'll do it....but my stepfather told me yesterday the health department came in to investigate and are going to spray for the spiders today......i'm going to call her tonight to make sure they did.

I am really starting to like this 19 year old aide. I just figured it out last night why. She is a fellow masochist. I knew we had something in common. Yesterday, her boyfriend gave her little dog Snuggles away to one of his friends. It really pissed her off. Her writing is coming along fine only she does it with texting. Told me about him wrecking her car. Poor kid has picked a real winner. This week the marriage is off; Last week it was on. His other friend, a female told him that if it didn't work out with her that she would take him in. I was telling her this morning that she had plenty of drama to deal with at work without having to have it at home. From what I gathered from her he was complaining that she didn't let him have a point of view. She was telling me if he would keep a job she would allow him to have a point of view. I hope she is using protection. Last thing I heard her say made some real sense. She said she was too young to have babies that is why she had the dog. Even my lesbian friend agree with me when I told her that she just needed to get her own place and stay away from the losers. No wonder her ulcers are acting up; She lives on the edge. I am glad I am past the hormone years. Yup, raging hormones; I don't miss them at all.

That young aide sounds a lot like I did when I was 19, Roy.