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| Topic: Depression support - part 2 | |
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Oh ok. Mine was different. I grew up with my dad. If I stood up to my dad and tried to beat the crap out of him then I was a man. If I cried or showed any type of emotions or feelings I wasn't a man. I was told that men don't act like that. I could remember dad's fond words of you could have been worse. What confused me though was when I became thirteen and finally was big enough to beat the crap out of him and he grabbed a 4 by 4 to protect himself. I mean I never grabbed anything to protect myself with when he beat the crap out me growing up. Dad did teach me it easier to beat the crap out someone else when you are bigger than they are. I will always treasure that look of fear in dad's eyes. It reminded me of me growing up with the fear he gave me. Like father like son I guess.
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They are still fukcing things up. I spent 3 hours in the Dr office just to get another script, then I go to the pharmacy and medicare put me on some stupid plan I didnt even ask for. I signed up for blue cross! That wasn't supposded to start till may 1st. This plan they have me on now doesnt cover anything. I was at the pharmacy for 4 hours yeaterday too. I was so exausted. I finally told them to forget it for the time being cuz it was backing everything up for everyone. Lucky for me I have some money I got from FASFA and just paid for what I could. I had to get home.
I have COPD, Pnuemonia, Cronic brochitis, the flu and Im so sick I took anohter day off school. Thereis only one teacher who wont let me off the hook. He said if I miss one more day he will drop me and that means I get an F, my GPA goes down, I dont qualify for books anymore and I would have to quit school. Im riding a thin rope with now at school and at home. Damn right Im mad, but now Im just wierded out and not exactly calm but in shock. I knew this was going to happen, but now that it is I am so sad. If I don't get my meds I will end up in the hospital and again that affects school I will be screwed I have more to vent about but Ill spare you all the crybaby crap. |
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They are still fukcing things up. I spent 3 hours in the Dr office just to get another script, then I go to the pharmacy and medicare put me on some stupid plan I didnt even ask for. I signed up for blue cross! That wasn't supposded to start till may 1st. This plan they have me on now doesnt cover anything. I was at the pharmacy for 4 hours yeaterday too. I was so exausted. I finally told them to forget it for the time being cuz it was backing everything up for everyone. Lucky for me I have some money I got from FASFA and just paid for what I could. I had to get home. I have COPD, Pnuemonia, Cronic brochitis, the flu and Im so sick I took anohter day off school. Thereis only one teacher who wont let me off the hook. He said if I miss one more day he will drop me and that means I get an F, my GPA goes down, I dont qualify for books anymore and I would have to quit school. Im riding a thin rope with now at school and at home. Damn right Im mad, but now Im just wierded out and not exactly calm but in shock. I knew this was going to happen, but now that it is I am so sad. If I don't get my meds I will end up in the hospital and again that affects school I will be screwed I have more to vent about but Ill spare you all the crybaby crap. Did you ask for samples? Sometimes doctors will give them if they know you need them and are having a rough time getting them. Sorry about your situation and our health care system is not a good one in my opinion. I hope you are feeling better.  Try talking to someone above your professor and explain your situation. I would if I were you. You have worked hard all semester.
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Damn Karen, you're going through a whole hell of a lot.....if the venting helps relieve some of the tension, then by all means vent.........hell after venting like I did last night I had a good exhausting cry and god knows I feel tons and tons better..........My appt with the dentist is the first of May and it doesn't cost me anything!!!! yay!!!! 22 more days with bad teeth.......
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Yes cutie, I did and got some for only one of my meds. I should be ok for a bit with what I have and might get reimbursed for what I have had to pay later. I called my disablitity coucelor at school and he said he would talk to the teacher. The teach actually called me and said stay home but make sure I send him the work. I just finished that, so for the time being Im off the hook.
Amber, I think Ive dome about as much venting as I can. I had my cry a couple of days ago when they told me I have copd. I called my mom and screamed and yelled and cried. Im still upset, but now Im back in the I cant cry mode. Comes from my childhood and some of the meds that I take to control my moods. I contacted medicare again today. More mess ups but kept my cool. Ended up wioth a nice guy who filed a complaint against the insurance company that is supposed to be covering my meds. He said they should have covered them since the 1st and that all should have been well. So I did that and filled out another form online to try to get extra help through SSI........who knows. Drama Drama Drama Im very glad to hear about your trip to the dentist and that you wont have to pay. Good for you. That shoudl take a load off your mind. |
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It has so far...........plus starting today I've got something to do to keep my mind off things........dad and started planting seeds in the garden today and even though my back is bothering me a little bit....I feel accomplished....I just can't wait to get my baby veggie plants in the ground tomorrow.
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Two more aides out the door and the one I just trained was a no call no show last night. One good thing though was one other one came back from medical leave. Another one I trained will be coming to nights along with the nurse who gives her rides who used to work nights. The night I was off **** hit the fan with night shift and day shift. I was glad I didn't work that night. God seems to be doing for me what I couldn't do myself. He is fighting my battles now for me. All I have to do is stay out of his way. The nurse coming to nights told me that there were going to be some changes in night shift's favor. She made a big list of changes and slipped the paper under the director of nurse's door. The one aide that works day shift who the night shift aide had trouble with wants to come to nights to work with me. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of drama before it all settles back to normal, again; What ever normal is supposed to be because I have no idea.
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Yikes..........good luck Roy
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Thanks, Amber I will need it. Hows your day going so far?
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ive been in a phsciatric hospital for the last 3 weeks, and i might have to go back in tommorow. ive saw so much, its been heart breaking.
i want to wish you guys goodluck, ill be thinking about you all.
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So many things going wrong in my life right now. I can't afford this apartment anymore, but my mom won't let me move back in with her, meanwhile my bank account is -500 and every time i try to save money it goes all to hell. I've tried to find a 2nd job but nobody is hiring atm, and i'm stuck with my current job that isn't paying well atm either. I'm so scared because i don't know what to do, or who to goto, or what. And every time I try to lay down to sleep my mind won't stay quiet long enough for me to sleep.
So right now I've drank half a bottle of nyquil to try to sleep but that isn't working out, and I've already slashed myself with a steak knife. I seriously think I've hit the bottom of the pit and theres no way out. 
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Allen - have you tried talking to a counselor or social worker? They have lists of resources for people who need help. If you slashed yourself tonight, now, then go to an emergency room. They can patch up your cut and have you talk to a mental health worker who can put you in touch with resources who may be able to help you with paying your rent or finding cheaper housing, etc. There are services out there, but you have to know where to look. People who work in the emergency rooms and the social workers have access to these resources. You need to get some help, they may be able to line you up with free counseling if your income is low, or get you some funding for counseling. You really need to talk to someone. Go to an emergency room and talk to them and ask them to get you some help. Do you have any other family members who could let you stay with them for a bit? But go to the emergency room now and get the cut taken care of and talk to them about getting you counseling, they can even put you on antidepressants to help you think and function better. Please go now.
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So many things going wrong in my life right now. I can't afford this apartment anymore, but my mom won't let me move back in with her, meanwhile my bank account is -500 and every time i try to save money it goes all to hell. I've tried to find a 2nd job but nobody is hiring atm, and i'm stuck with my current job that isn't paying well atm either. I'm so scared because i don't know what to do, or who to goto, or what. And every time I try to lay down to sleep my mind won't stay quiet long enough for me to sleep. So right now I've drank half a bottle of nyquil to try to sleep but that isn't working out, and I've already slashed myself with a steak knife. I seriously think I've hit the bottom of the pit and theres no way out.
 Hey man, there is ALWAYS a brighter picture in front of you...Life has a way of ALWAYS turning around and shining,,,,even if YOU feel like it can't get worse....
It can,,Whenever in my life I have felt like MINE was a livin hell. I would have a friend married with kids, and die in some freak accident. Or, come to me because his wife had just told him she wanted a divorce and the HOUSE.. If ya want to talk man, hey, im here and you can email me any time...
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Allen - if you are bleeding right now, you can call an ambulance too, they will take you there so you don't have to drive. The NyQuil has a lot of alcohol in it and I don't want you getting into a car wreck. You have a lot of friends on here who care about you, you know we care.
Call an ambulance to take you to the emergency room so they can fix your cut and help you sort through things and help you find some resources to help with your rent and all. Please take care of yourself, we care about you and don't want you hurting. |
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Well, my bp is down you guys........lost some weight too...
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I have found its a better vent if you can go off, Karen. Evidently, I touched a raw nerve. The one nurse and I vent a lot at work back and forth. Another nurse said she is on some kind of power trip and another nurse just thinks she is crazy. But they don't have her case load. They don't work as many hours as she does. When I first started venting with her I would cuss, shout and rage. Gradually it began to get better. I could say I was wrong when I was; Disagree with her when I thought I was right and actually communicate without going postal. I still like going postal but it seems more controllable now. I guess I like the power trips, too. I think they can be addictive. It just pisses me off when I don't get my way, sometimes. Other times I am glad I am not in control and I am just the aide because I really wouldn't want all the responsibility that comes with being the nurse. I guess I was a nonconformist so long that I don't make a good leader or follower. I really like being a groupie, though. It is so much less lonelier being a groupie than being a loner. I get to ***** more. I find I ***** a lot here lately. Comes with the job I guess. Last night I was with a resident and the resident asked why do we keep waking him up to do our wet checks we have to do every two hours since we know it makes him angry. At the same time the new IRCA asked me how I dealt with his anger. I answered them both at the same time with I am just getting fed up with being intimidated for just doing my job. He asked me why I kept waking him up and I told that I am paid to do that. If he had any complaints to take it up with the management. I am afraid my bedside manner really sucks sometimes. But he asked me a simple honest question and I gave him a simple honest answer. i have found i feel better sometime after i blow up, but immediately after i feel so horrible that i will cry for hours because the blow ups are extremely violent and scare me to death.......i'm actually on the verge of a bad blow up now........even having physical symptoms like chest tightness and some pain. me too.the school is f!@#$king with me,brandon told the state i hit him(not)and i have a meeting with them tommorow and i have yet another meeting with the f@#$king school friday. 
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So many things going wrong in my life right now. I can't afford this apartment anymore, but my mom won't let me move back in with her, meanwhile my bank account is -500 and every time i try to save money it goes all to hell. I've tried to find a 2nd job but nobody is hiring atm, and i'm stuck with my current job that isn't paying well atm either. I'm so scared because i don't know what to do, or who to goto, or what. And every time I try to lay down to sleep my mind won't stay quiet long enough for me to sleep. So right now I've drank half a bottle of nyquil to try to sleep but that isn't working out, and I've already slashed myself with a steak knife. I seriously think I've hit the bottom of the pit and theres no way out.
go to the hospital there my friend and get some help.believe me life is like that.you get one thing fixed and something else springs a leak.somedays its tough to get up in the morning.things do have a way of straighting out allen.hugs to you. jax |
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Holy Crap *hugs* i'm pullin for ya hon
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I just want to tell everyone that you don't ever have to apologize for a vent in here.thats what this thread is about.a place to vent,support and not feel alone.hugs to all
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Holy Crap *hugs* i'm pullin for ya hon thanx.it's been a bad week.
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