Yeah..., I can really use one of those numbers myself.

Dear Doc,

Appreciate the answer to my last question. Have been asking around what 'masturbation' is. The dairy owner down at the corner said it was when your hand and private part clapped together instead of hand to hand clapping.

Anyway my next question has three parts to it:

a) How much alcohol should I let myself drink when at the art exhibition opening next week?
b) Should I continue with my usual art exhibition opening thing which is to con a booby flash from a random catering staff in return for... well, nothing?
c) At the art exhibition opening can I grope the oldest woman there and make out as if it was my dog even though my dog is at home?

Would really like some answers before the opening.

Online with Mowtown...ty for the call...............

Just call 1-800-CRN-HOLE,

and ask for the 2 sl*ts,

that are holding the "Cornholers"

in the commercials phone number.



And if they wont give it to you,

you can pretty much find them both,

on any public, mens bathroom, wall.

Look for..

"We like Cornholing, call us at......."









Taking YOUR calls..............................................

Online with Pear.........ty for calling..............

Wow, you seem to be very well informed about the clap.

Interesting.

With that in mind,

im gonna have to advise you NOT to get drunk,

and go to the art exhibition,

looking for booby flashes,

and a chance to grope old ladies.

And I also wouldnt advise sex with your dog.

I do realize that wasent part of your question,

but something just tells me,

it something you think about often.














And taking YOUR calls.............................................

Thanks for that Doc. Do you wanna get nasty and do my dog, cause I've never even thought about it!? Ewwwwwww I need to rethink coming to you for advice Doc.

Dear Luvstorockanrollerby.

I went to the local bar, the one with all the motorcycles parked in front of it, and asked where I could find the cornholer girls.

The doctor says I should be out of this hospital in about a week.

Thanks for the tip.

When you get to know me, you will understand that to take me seriously is a HUGE mistake!

I also thought you were a dude, when you started carrying on about groping old ladies...WTF???

I need to go read your profile better.

Oh gorgeous ladyluv! same here...dont take me seriously - at all. I'm here to talk shmack, no offence intended (actually don't hold me to that for my entire time on here)

Actually, to be straight up and down, I talk so seriously in what I do in real life that this world of mingle (especially your threads) is just a fantastic way for me to dress up, put my lippy on and shove my shmack all up in your face! love it

p.s. I am female, I don't grope...anyone nor dogs. My dog is gorgeous though...all the male dogs always hittin on her!

so my next question is what the ****uzzle is the dancing banana about?

Don't blaze your face

Online with Pear....ty for the call....................

Dont blaze my face???

I wasent planning on it,(whatever the hell that means)

but ANYWHO......

The dancing banana had to be started by a gay, white, dude.



Look,

Its dancing...doing the same step over, and over.(Sooo caucasian)!!

Its a fruit.....(need I explain this part?).

Its dressed very nicely, and wearing a bow tie...( theres nobody, thats not gay, that wears a bow tie anymore).



The banana,

also suggests,

the sexual innuendo,

of a penis.


So it stands for im a fruit,

and im happy,

and so im dancing,

im white,

and im thinking about a penis.













And taking YOUR calls now..........................................

Dear Luvstorockenrollerby;

But what is that the banana is holding in his hand?

It looks an awful lot to me like a big --------

OH MY GOD!!!!!! it IS a big -------

Online with Mowtown, ty for the call.....................

Its a big strap on dildo of course.

I told you it was invented by a gay, white, dude.

How do you think one gay dude,

performs double ion, on the other dudes

if hes not wearing a strap on dildo??

I would think that EVERYONE knows that!!












And taking YOUR calls...........................................

Dear Dr. Luv,

What are you going to do on your birthday this Thursday (Sept. 27th)?

Online with Dodo...ty for the call.......................

I already had an early party so all my room mates could be there,

so tonight my room mate Michelle is making me my FAVORITE bday dinner.

Chili Rellenos, Pork Tacos, rice and beans!!


















And taking YOUR calls............................................

And taking YOUR calls...eventually!

Dear Doc,

I hope all is well with you.

My question is in three parts:

Does he have a disorder that makes him think the worst, assume the worst and then act on that wildly fukdup assumption?

Is there a type of fairydust that I can purchase from your chemist to sprinkle over him to rid him of all his past-bad-**** so we can go hiking this weekend instead of me trying to avoid him? (which is really hard when I live with him!)

My white nana said I can get pregnant if I sit on a toilet seat after the male species has used the toilet...is this true? She also told me married men cheat because their wives don't like to take it or give it in the be-hind...is this true as well?

Hope to hear from you soon,

P82

OMG IVE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!



Your gonna have to give me a second, I cant breath.....bwwwwwwwahahahahahah!

Online with Pear...ty for the call.....sorry it took soo long, but I had a date that lasted almost 3 days, ANYWHO.............

That is not a disorder,

that is called, "being a man".

And yes, men are very disorderly,

and several of them suffer from disorders,

but the whole. " assume the worst and then act on that wildly fukdup assumption?"...thats just a typical man.



This dust you speak of is called Cocaine.

You dont sprinkle it,

you snort it,

smoke it,

inject it,

eat it,

or apply it to your anus. (?)

It will make him pretty much DOWN for anything you want to do,

assuming you have enough of it, to last about every 15 minutes, all day long...

Im guessing about $1000.00 will get you started anyways.

And if your not "ballin out of control" financially,

your screwed on that one!



Its easy to avoid someone you live with.

Get a small fridge, filled with food,a microwave, T.V., computer, alot of toilet paper, and a pickle jar.

Then lock yourself in your room, and never come out.

I think you can figure out the "pickle jar" thing.


You cannot get pregnant sitting on a toilet behind a man,

but you can get crabs,

if you use it immediately after,

and they havent been off a body too long.

They are friendly little critters,

and will happily bury themselves into you and let you become their new host!


I take, and give, it up the behind.

Therefore,

I cant give any advice, to women,

that are stupid enough not to...

end up missing out on the experience,

and have their husbands cheat on them, by not participating.

















And taking YOUR calls when I finish my math........................

Whatever................