There seems to be a general assumption that it is completely acceptable for a woman in a relationship to have friends of the opposite sex and to spend time with those friends accordingly. However, put the shoe on the other foot, and I have never had a significant other that was comfortable with me having friends of the opposite sex.

And I rarely do. Face it, if I'm not in a position to pursue romance with you, or in such case, I'm not attracted to you, the interest to hang with you is just not there. The only time I ever make a friend of the opposite sex, is when I need to set an example to a significant other that they are getting too close to another man.

In that case, it's very easy to make quick friends with very attractive, fit women that will make my significant other uncomfortable. They always tell me "that's different!". Then they sulk for days, and cut back on spending time with those male friends, or they end the relationship and wind up with the male friend.

I'm told women feel this way, because men are such a one way street with women. My point is, if they know that men are indeed such a one way street, is their intent in hanging with male friends not to test the waters relationshipwise? Thoughts?

makes sense to me, although I am supportive of gender roles in the context of family, in the world outside of family business, what is good for the goose should be good for the gander, likewise what is wrong for the goose,,,,


I think a couple should not be required to 'give up' any of their friends they had prior to meeting, however, once they have made a commitment to their relationship, I dont think 'hanging' out with friends of the opposite sex is appropriate unless it is done with their partner and I certainly dont believe in their being any NEW friends of the opposite sex, unless, they are a friend to the COUPLE as a unit,,,

I have plenty of male friends who are just that.....FRIENDS. People I hang out with sometimes, go to dinner and a movie with occasionally but have absolutely no intention of "dating" or getting involved with.

My fiance feels the same way, he has female FRIENDS that he hangs out with and goes places with but there is no romantic inclinations with any of them. I have met a few of them and even helped one out with her college term paper.

We trust each other and KNOW that if a 'friend' were to try anything, they wouldn't be a friend any longer. The trust you have in your partner has to be complete and true...ours is. It isn't like we only live a few miles away from each other so we see each other all the time, and keep 'check' on what is happening. I live in NY and he lives in Idaho.

If you or she, don't have enough trust and faith in the other person.....they aren't the right person and maybe it would be best to move on to another relationship.

NOT OK FOR BOTH

Well, from the time I was 15 until about two years ago, the majority of my friends had always been female, and that was regardless of whether I was in a relationship or not.

For me, it was a simple matter of what worked -- women were smarter, more fun to spend time with, better communicators, better problem-solvers, and just more interesting than men. Most of the guys I knew (with a handful of exceptions) never wanted to do much other than go to bars, watch football on TV, and work on cars, none of which held any appeal for me.

I will say that having female friends did occasionally create some issues. For many years, I had two close friends who were like sisters to me. There was never anything romantic or sexual going on there. When I got married, my then-wife, over a period of about a year, started getting more and more annoyed with the amount of time I was spending with these friends -- even though she was almost always right there along with us, whatever we did. I knew them before I ever knew her, and I had no intention of losing these friends (at that time).

I think if one has boundaries and limitations in place, and if one is truly committed to the existing relationship, this sort of thing doesn't have to be a problem. But people tend to have insecurities, and sometimes they outweigh the trust.

I have male friends that I hang out with and adore.. When I've been in a relationship I've never just hung out with my male friends without inviting or having my significant other hanging out too.. If you can't have them all together then somethings wrong.. My female friends and significant other must deal with each other for my sake so I'd expect the same with male friends...

Totally agree..... i have always had male FRIENDS and if in a relationship i dont hang with them unless my companion is with me i want them all to get along because they are all in my life and i want them to stay there and be comfortable with each other.. OPEN BOOK Sceniero.. nothing to hide so no reason why we cant all get along!

it's a wicked web we weave with insecurities. it boils down to trust and respect, and either you do and they do, or you don't or they don't. i have found, NOT ALWAYS, but, usually, two reasons for this. those with the hardest time of trusting can be those that are the least trustworthy OR the past has given them reason to not trust. lack of trust, when not warranted, can be a deal breaker, but i don't think it's gender specific, more human kind specific.

I believe it just comes down to the person you are dealing with. Insecurity plays a role whether they are willing to except it or not. If you can not except your mate to have a friend of the opposite sex, it's not fair to either of you. However, it goes both ways. Where is the trust? and in any case.. no trust, no real relationship. It is sad to hear.GL

having friends of the other sex is ok but if ur gonna hang with them you both should otherwise not wanting to spend time with the person the are in the realationship with and spend time with others always seems to me as if they are looking for greener pastures

I like to have female friends. Not necessarily to get into their pants. Women are fun to hang around with even when there is not that ulterior motive. When I get a bit tipsy...I tend to be a show off. So I don't want to show off in front of a bunch of dudes. Id rather show off in front of my gal pals. Although truth be told...maybe I I'm not trying to sleep with them. But I wouldn't mind getting to see their bobbies.

Well put Bro!

I don't feel this way at all. I have several guy friends that I'm not about to give up if I'm dating someone. I wouldn't tell the person I'm dating to stop hanging out with their friends either, no matter what sex they are. And no, I'm not friends with guys to test relationships.

This is probably why women aren't happy with you if yo have female friends:



Sounds like you're playing games.

Your experience does not qualify for a general assumption. There are couples who actually let each other be friends with opposite sex.


This could be the reason why your significant other does not feel comfortable with you being friends with opposite sex.


Letting her know by telling her would be an easier way.


Could it be the difference is the individual motives you have in having friends of opposite sex?


Not generally speaking. Though indeed there are some women who do that.

My 0.02c on your topic.

And I rarely do. Face it, if I'm not in a position to pursue romance with you, or in such case, I'm not attracted to you, the interest to hang with you is just not there. The only time I ever make a friend of the opposite sex, is when I need to set an example to a significant other that they are getting too close to another man.


there is your answer right there bud...

Both men and women should be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, but because some people have paranoid lovers, they are chained to the rules of that paranoia. If your lover is way paranoid about it, then that's usually a warning sign.

it should never be a matter of gender, it should always be a matter of trust and feeling secure in knowing that you are loved and have no worries.

You're missing the point. The point is I'm expected to trust them to hang out with other men, without getting the courtesy to hang out with other women in return. The fact that I choose to introduce my significant others to "Busty Brittany" should be irrelevant. If I introduced them to "Sweat Sow Suzy", it shouldnt be any more acceptable.

Sounds like you're choosing to date hypocritical women.