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| Topic: Friends of the opposite sex....ok for women but not for men? | |
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Edited by
singmesweet
on
Sat 04/16/11 02:05 PM
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From what you say, your intentions don't seem so innocent. You're doing what you're doing in order to play games and get a reaction from your girlfriend. And then you whine when you get the reaction you're looking for. You may have everyone else here agreeing with you, but I think that's a pretty shytty way to deal with things. I'm not quite sure how you're getting any sympathy here.
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up until the previous incident I mentioned the ex hubby and I shared all of our friends and I never doubted that he was anything other than friends with other females. That particular female never tried to be friends with me, but I still didn't doubt until I saw them kissing in the car! Funny...I always thought that I was the insecure person, but thinking back to it, there was a reason for every doubt I had! If only I knew then what I know now :)
He still claims that he never cheated on me, but when you put yourself in position where it appears that you are...what's the difference from actually doing it! The doubt is still created breaking trust with the other person. Oh well....I'm much better off now. Kev...you may be better off just moving on! JMO |
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Edited by
actionlynx
on
Sat 04/16/11 02:49 PM
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Um...Sweet, go back and read some of my posts and a few others. I don't think everyone is giving him sympathy and taking his side. Truth is we don't know him, so we have to judge by what he says.
Now, if he only becomes friends with women for romantic reasons that doesn't automatically condemn him to being a womanizer. Maybe he just doesn't want the headaches that sometimes go along with female friends. Maybe he just enjoys being around the guys more. He's talking about a double-standard. I've already said that making his gf jealous through another woman isn't the right way to handle things. But that still doesn't make it right for his gf to have male friends if she expects her man not to have female friends. Furthermore, I agree he ought to just move on out of this relationship. Maybe Kevin does want an "open" relationship....to be a swinger. That's not what he is trying to talk about though. I have experienced the double-standard he is talking about. I do not get to know women for the same reason as he stated. Therefore, if I started this topic, would I receive the same judgement? Would it make the double-standard any more justifiable? His gf doesn't really want a serious relationship with him for whatever reason. Maybe both of them are playing games, maybe not. In the end, it doesn't matter. Plain and simple. Just so you know, I realize Sweet is just trying to be honest. She is trying to point out a possible flaw that she observed in your own words, Kevin. For all I know, she could be right on the mark. But, since I've never met you in person, I can't really say one way or the other. Therefore, I give you the benefit of a doubt. One has to give Sweet credit for at least standing up for what she thinks is right. A lot of people don't have the backbone to be so honest. |
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The more I read of the answers you give, Kevin, it sounds like the women you go after are very shallow. They are attention seekers and want all eyes on them (The "Can't you just be happy i made a friend?" comment implies this). That type of person---yes men do the same thing---are not ready for real relationships. They are looking for notches on a bedpost.
Instead of making generalizations, try looking for a different type of partner. Someone who has their life together and isn't out for just a good time. Someone who knows how to communicate with YOU and isn't relying on other people's thoughts on problems between the two of you. Someone who knows "herself" and her own mind. But in saying that a person should give up friends of the opposite sex that they have already had before your relationship started, is ridiculous. That would be kind of like saying "we are in a relationship now so no interaction with anyone but me!" |
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Um...Sweet, go back and read some of my posts and a few others. I don't think everyone is giving him sympathy and taking his side. Truth is we don't know him, so we have to judge by what he says. Now, if he only becomes friends with women for romantic reasons that doesn't automatically condemn him to being a womanizer. Maybe he just doesn't want the headaches that sometimes go along with female friends. Maybe he just enjoys being around the guys more. He's talking about a double-standard. I've already said that making his gf jealous through another woman isn't the right way to handle things. But that still doesn't make it right for his gf to have male friends if she expects her man not to have female friends. Furthermore, I agree he ought to just move on out of this relationship. Maybe Kevin does want an "open" relationship....to be a swinger. That's not what he is trying to talk about though. I have experienced the double-standard he is talking about. I do not get to know women for the same reason as he stated. Therefore, if I started this topic, would I receive the same judgement? Would it make the double-standard any more justifiable? His gf doesn't really want a serious relationship with him for whatever reason. Maybe both of them are playing games, maybe not. In the end, it doesn't matter. Plain and simple. Just so you know, I realize Sweet is just trying to be honest. She is trying to point out a possible flaw that she observed in your own words, Kevin. For all I know, she could be right on the mark. But, since I've never met you in person, I can't really say one way or the other. Therefore, I give you the benefit of a doubt. One has to give Sweet credit for at least standing up for what she thinks is right. A lot of people don't have the backbone to be so honest. I don't remember specifying that he was getting sympathy from you. Or that he was getting sympathy from everyone. I am just surprised that he's getting sympathy at all, but that of course is my opinion. I'd never put up with the kind of bullshyt that he's talking about. Some others seem to think he's the victim. They can have that opinion, I just disagree. Like you said, we can only judge by what he's written here. |
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I have plenty of male friends who are just that.....FRIENDS. People I hang out with sometimes, go to dinner and a movie with occasionally but have absolutely no intention of "dating" or getting involved with. My fiance feels the same way, he has female FRIENDS that he hangs out with and goes places with but there is no romantic inclinations with any of them. I have met a few of them and even helped one out with her college term paper. We trust each other and KNOW that if a 'friend' were to try anything, they wouldn't be a friend any longer. The trust you have in your partner has to be complete and true...ours is. It isn't like we only live a few miles away from each other so we see each other all the time, and keep 'check' on what is happening. I live in NY and he lives in Idaho. If you or she, don't have enough trust and faith in the other person.....they aren't the right person and maybe it would be best to move on to another relationship. Very good response and I agree with you. We are not teenagers for goodness sake so I don't see a problem having friends of the opposite sex and hanging with them without your partner. People who think otherwise are either very insecure or very childish. |
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Edited by
kevinlovett1976
on
Sun 04/17/11 05:45 AM
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I never said that it wasn't ok to hang out with friends of the opposite sex, or even tear their clothes off and shag the hell out of them if that is your wish. My problem is when I exchange the same way to see how they will handle it, they flip out. And all the women here seem to be saying "well you said you don't need to do that, so you shouldn't". Like I should just let them do whatever they want with another man, even though i know they will not like it when i do the same with another woman. I have one female friend i hang with in that situation. A woman who looks great in her photos, but is a bit aged for 38, but since since the SO's don't know that, all they see is a woman who they think is better lookin than they are, thus they get uncomfortable. For the record, i wouldn't shag the friend if she was the last woman on earth. She drinks too much and because of that looks older. But whatever a significant other chooses to do, what they do is endorsed as acceptable behavior for the other. To do something that could be questionable, then turn around and get mad when I do the same, is just hypocritical. There is no list of deeds in a relationship that is acceptable for women to commit, but not for men to commit. You shouldn't condemn me for committing an act that you are already committing yourself. I talk to my 38 year old friend about it. She always seems to think they have trust issues with men, stemming from probably a bad relationship with their father.
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Some people DO have ulterior motives when it comes to the opposite sex and friendship...others don't.
Either sex can be retarded jealous....usually from thier own personal lack of confidence or cause they have been cheated on. It boils down to TRUST. If you are in a relationship and they don't trust you to be around other humans....you are in a relationship with an emotional basket case ....that is what people often settle for, because they aren't willing to be lonely till a better soul comes along. If you are hooked up with a woman/man who thinks they have the right to control your friendships....that is what you have settled for. Your partner is damaged goods and that WILL NOT change. The question then becomes....Why are YOU willing to put up with someone else playing the role of your parents? You are a grown @$$ed adult.....if you let someone else dictate what you can and cannot do...or who you may or may not speak to....in the end...that is YOUR choice. Just my perspective (I was not referring to infidelity) |
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no, i don't hang around female friends regularly....perhaps i should.
when the woman i faux married last year started hanging around the man i got uncomfortable about, i knew where it was going, and the only way i knew to make her understand was to exchange the same way....if her intentions were truly innocent....why would she assume that mine were not? This was the first time i conducted such an experiment with anyone, by the way. She did wind up with this guy when it was all said and done. when my subsequent relationship presented me with the same hypocrisy, although i did not hang out with anyone else in this instance, only took the cat to the ex and that was enough to make hypocrite number 2 jealous.....and months later she goes and spends 4 hours with her ex.....after 2 experiences like this i began to question the hypocrisy on friends of the opposite sex that i am experiencing with women. Who wouldn't? |
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Gut instincts are almost never wrong....mine ain't.
Just from what I have read...I would have walked. Kev...you should start hanging out with your chick friends....not EVERYTHING is aimed at getting laid. I dig hanging out with my dude friends. My chick friends are just as cool. They dig cooking out and shooting the breeze while sipping a cold brew. My very best friend for nearly 20 years is a married woman....I am friends with her husband to. He knew right off the bat that, he had no opinion on whether or not she and I would continue to be best friends. Last time a chick tried to pull that on me...I was laughing when I told her to "get the f*** out of my house!" |
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Gut instincts are almost never wrong....mine ain't. Just from what I have read...I would have walked. Kev...you should start hanging out with your chick friends....not EVERYTHING is aimed at getting laid. I dig hanging out with my dude friends. My chick friends are just as cool. They dig cooking out and shooting the breeze while sipping a cold brew. My very best friend for nearly 20 years is a married woman....I am friends with her husband to. He knew right off the bat that, he had no opinion on whether or not she and I would continue to be best friends. Last time a chick tried to pull that on me...I was laughing when I told her to "get the f*** out of my house!" just play this song for her and meebe she'll take the hint...LOL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQWX7xO5dPk |
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no, i don't hang around female friends regularly....perhaps i should. when the woman i faux married last year started hanging around the man i got uncomfortable about, i knew where it was going, and the only way i knew to make her understand was to exchange the same way....if her intentions were truly innocent....why would she assume that mine were not? This was the first time i conducted such an experiment with anyone, by the way. She did wind up with this guy when it was all said and done. when my subsequent relationship presented me with the same hypocrisy, although i did not hang out with anyone else in this instance, only took the cat to the ex and that was enough to make hypocrite number 2 jealous.....and months later she goes and spends 4 hours with her ex.....after 2 experiences like this i began to question the hypocrisy on friends of the opposite sex that i am experiencing with women. Who wouldn't? Ah, it's finally come out that you are the one with the trust issues. That explains a lot. |
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Alright kids....Ya'll fight nice or I swear to God, I will turn this car around RIGHT now....
Hehehehehhehe Everyone has stated thier opinions....let's not get too personal please. Everyone is here for some pleasant intellectual conversation. |
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Actually, I thought this was the "Boobies!!!!" thread. I wondered why I wasn't seeing any...
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OK, forget about the friends of the opposite sex......go with the boobs.
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Yeah, there's already three threads dedicated to them. One more can't hurt!
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lynx, what i have found is that words are useless in that situation. all i ever get in return is, "Can't you just be happy i made a friend?" and on the other side, when i introduce a female friend, my SO says "i believe you are more than just friends." so there does seem to have been a double standard. Not getting out of here without my 2$ <couldn't find the cents sign>  . Double standards exist dude...that's just life. I don't conform to those standards; but there are many that do. I've read through every post on here and from what I've comprehended is that you do NOT want a woman to have a/any male "friends".....because...you are not "wired" <for a better word> to see a woman as a friend. You would only want to jump her bones if she was attractive <not saying that is right or wrong>. So if you found a woman that did have a previously L O N G T I M E relationship with a man, it would not work with you. You need to find a woman who feels the same way as you. Bam! Happily Ever After  .
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lynx, what i have found is that words are useless in that situation. all i ever get in return is, "Can't you just be happy i made a friend?" and on the other side, when i introduce a female friend, my SO says "i believe you are more than just friends." so there does seem to have been a double standard. Not getting out of here without my 2$ <couldn't find the cents sign> . Double standards exist dude...that's just life. I don't conform to those standards; but there are many that do. I've read through every post on here and from what I've comprehended is that you do NOT want a woman to have a/any male "friends".....because...you are not "wired" <for a better word> to see a woman as a friend. You would only want to jump her bones if she was attractive <not saying that is right or wrong>. So if you found a woman that did have a previously L O N G T I M E relationship with a man, it would not work with you. You need to find a woman who feels the same way as you. Bam! Happily Ever After . Pretty much, but if Kevin is like me, then it takes a little time for that to sink in. I actually think he started this topic looking for lots of input so he could decide for himself. And, I think all of us have done a fair job of giving him that, even if it has been hard to swallow at times. |
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