Topic: Friends of the opposite sex....ok for women but not for men?
eileena9's photo
Tue 04/12/11 08:58 PM

and youre on a dating website?!?! ahhhhh f*** me!!! i quit.


Yes and so is he.....because we met on this site and have many friends of both sexes that we enjoy talking and joking with that are still here. And to give people hope that these things do work.

no photo
Tue 04/12/11 08:59 PM
It always amuses me that people only see this as a dating site.....

eileena9's photo
Tue 04/12/11 09:17 PM
Edited by eileena9 on Tue 04/12/11 09:18 PM
This is your profile info....

"Just tryin to get this thing going, so here goes. My name is Kevin. I'm divorced, I have a degree, and I work in Graphic Arts. I speak a second language. I used to be in wrestling.....but my knee is shot, so I'm done. I have strong religious beliefs, but judge no one. I live a clean but fun life."

You are judging all women by saying we aren't truthful.

no photo
Tue 04/12/11 09:18 PM
I don't think this guy is ever going to get it.

eileena9's photo
Tue 04/12/11 09:21 PM
Neither do I, Sing....flowerforyou

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Wed 04/13/11 03:47 AM
i LIKE THIS THREAD, My ex didn't likethat I talked to so many girls because she felt that they were trying to steal me from them, but it was perfectly okay for her to have guy friends even though they always made comments about her apperences on socail networks. One guy even said theyshe had a nice set/cleavage! So what does that say for the guy friend, oh he's just joking, but give him the idea that he could weasel his way in her pants and I bet he'd take it.

I've never once cheated nor do I care to, I believe in having a clear conscience and knowing Ive never doen a girl bad.

I recently ended a 6 year relationship with a girl who I truly wanted to marry,but we financially did not go together at this time. so we parted ways but keep in touch. well all her guy friends started wanting to move in on her new single status and all the sudden they were all hanging around like puppies waiting for a treat. now what does that say for them. Were they really friends to begin with or they just played the part for personal interest.

None of my girl friends eve once made a move other than said that If i needed someone to talk to I could go to them.

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 11:33 AM

I don't think this guy is ever going to get it.



Neither do I, Sing....flowerforyou


Ladies flowerforyou I value your general opinions very much.

That being said, I don't think you're being fair here. The OP is oozing with frustration. I see it! He's reaching out to strangers trying to figure it out... instead of going to some "lady friend" for advice.

In General, is it ok to share intimate details about YOUR relationship with someone other than YOUR boyfriend? In my experience, discussions about the "cons" often take precedence over the "friendship".

Off topic but it relates

I had a exGF who once said: John, you were right about(insert subject here)
I said: We had that talk 3 weeks ago... what gives?

She says: Oh...I asked Mike(the good guy friend) about it and he confirms you were right.(BTW I never even met this guy)

Sounds innocent enough.... but all I could think of was... "What!? you needed this guy to confirm what I said was true??? Like what I say is NOT true usually? ohwell

It's ok to be emotionally unfaithful for Women? BUT

It's NOT ok to be physically unfaithful for Men?


I know it's like mixing apples and oranges but you do know
Men and Women think differently right???? what makes one worse than the other?.... the physical part.... Righttttt!




no photo
Wed 04/13/11 11:39 AM


I don't think this guy is ever going to get it.



Neither do I, Sing....flowerforyou


Ladies flowerforyou I value your general opinions very much.

That being said, I don't think you're being fair here. The OP is oozing with frustration. I see it! He's reaching out to strangers trying to figure it out... instead of going to some "lady friend" for advice.

In General, is it ok to share intimate details about YOUR relationship with someone other than YOUR boyfriend? In my experience, discussions about the "cons" often take precedence over the "friendship".

Off topic but it relates

I had a exGF who once said: John, you were right about(insert subject here)
I said: We had that talk 3 weeks ago... what gives?

She says: Oh...I asked Mike(the good guy friend) about it and he confirms you were right.(BTW I never even met this guy)

Sounds innocent enough.... but all I could think of was... "What!? you needed this guy to confirm what I said was true??? Like what I say is NOT true usually? ohwell

It's ok to be emotionally unfaithful for Women? BUT

It's NOT ok to be physically unfaithful for Men?


I know it's like mixing apples and oranges but you do know
Men and Women think differently right???? what makes one worse than the other?.... the physical part.... Righttttt!






From what I can see by what the OP has said about the reasons he makes friends with women, he's bringing on that frustration himself. He has told us that he is only friends with women in order to test the person he's dating and to make a point. I don't know about you, but that's not really a friend to me. So, I can absolutely see why someone who is dating him would not like that. It wouldn't be ok either if it were the other way around and the woman was doing the same thing.

Is it ok for two people to be dating, yet to have friends of the opposite sex? In my opinion, it's completely fine as long as you're being honest about it and they're just friends.

If I were dating someone and found out they were playing games like the OP has described, I wouldn't be dating them anymore.

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 11:56 AM
Whoa! The sidestep two step?

The OP clearly said... he would NOT pursue a woman for friendship unless he wanted her physically. Whether he does it out of spite is besides the point and NOT relevant. I believe he just can't put it into words properly for her to understand... so he acts out.

I know you're way smarter than that SMS.... I will rephrase.

Is it ok, for women to open up emotionally to male friends when in a relationship?

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Wed 04/13/11 12:01 PM
This is what I was talking about from the OP:

The only time I ever make a friend of the opposite sex, is when I need to set an example to a significant other that they are getting too close to another man.

In that case, it's very easy to make quick friends with very attractive, fit women that will make my significant other uncomfortable. They always tell me "that's different!". Then they sulk for days, and cut back on spending time with those male friends, or they end the relationship and wind up with the male friend.


That sounds pretty straightforward to me what his intentions are when making friends with the opposite sex. It's a game. It's not really friendship.

Friendship involves emotion. Why wouldn't it be ok for a woman to open up to a man emotionally as a friend, or the other way around?

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 12:14 PM
Thank you for your answer.

I've been there.... It's like dating a "committee of opinions".

AND THAT screams insecurity!

Have a great day!


no photo
Wed 04/13/11 12:15 PM
Edited by singmesweet on Wed 04/13/11 12:16 PM
So, you expect the person you're dating to never talk to her friends (male or female) about you? Do you tell her this?

I don't really understand how talking to friends about a relationship shows the person in the relationship is insecure. Maybe if the person couldn't make decisions on their own and has to ask for others' opinions, but that's different than what I'm talking about.

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 12:28 PM
Huh???? Me???? Tell who what?

It's not about me...
But to answer, I wouldn't be dating anyone who doesn't respect my privacy about OUR relationship. And I wouldn't recruit a committee of "friends". How absurd!




no photo
Wed 04/13/11 12:35 PM
What is this committee of friends you're talking about?

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Wed 04/13/11 12:54 PM
It's a group of "friends" (men in this case) who agree with everything a woman thinks or says.... Let's call them The YES Men laugh

Better?

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Wed 04/13/11 01:49 PM
So what do you talk to your friends about then, if not about your relationship? Where I work that's all they talk about- kids, spouses, and relationships. And it's not just women either, so men do it too.

actionlynx's photo
Wed 04/13/11 01:51 PM
Edited by actionlynx on Wed 04/13/11 01:52 PM
Okay, I just read all but the last page of this thread...

Kevin, I know you just "gave up", but the truth is you hung in there longer than most given the majority of posts. But, I think the issue has been clouded somewhat, to the point where you may have missed the point.

1) Your SO has insecurity and trust issues. Maybe they aren't because of you, but being chummy with another woman just to make her jealous does not help. If she can't open up to you about her insecurities, then she's not ready for a serious relationship.

a) If having a female friend was your last resort, and it didn't work, then she is unlikely to change her behavior. I.E., she just doesn't get it, nor does she want to get it.

2) It sounds like this woman is not the right one for you. Move on. If you are faithful, a good communicator, and considerate of others, you have a great chance of finding a woman who is right for you. By trying to make it work, you are wasting your time. I'm assuming your honesty here, so she is more likely to bounce from relationship to relationship than you are. Her loss.


Now....my own experience...

At least where I live, there is a double-standard, especially amongst younger women. Men are not supposed to have female friends, but women are allowed to have male friends. Personally, I think it's all bulls**t.

My last relationship ended because a so-called female friend sought to break us up. This person played off my ex's insecurities. My ex asked me to cut myself off from my female friends, simply because one of them made her paranoid. Now, my ex had discovered her previous ex (the father of her two sons) in bed with another woman. That's why she allowed these rumors to bother her....she didn't want a repeat. I understood that, but she couldn't handle it enough to talk about it. I was given the boot unjustly, but not before I said a few things to make her think. I know she will regret it someday, but she burned that bridge for me. Now she has to accept that I am gone forever, and it was her choice.

On my end, I learned a lesson about so-called "friends" who are really just opportunists. I also am now with a woman that I know I belong with. It's a completely different feeling than I expected, and something no one else ever made me feel. I have no doubt. Plus, she allows me to keep my friends. I allow her to do the same. Now, I shut out the distractions of the false friends. It's my own choice to do so. No one is asking me to do it.

I thought I had something else to say, but I seem to have lost my train of thought.... whoa

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 01:58 PM

Okay, I just read all but the last page of this thread...

Kevin, I know you just "gave up", but the truth is you hung in there longer than most given the majority of posts. But, I think the issue has been clouded somewhat, to the point where you may have missed the point.

1) Your SO has insecurity and trust issues. Maybe they aren't because of you, but being chummy with another woman just to make her jealous does not help. If she can't open up to you about her insecurities, then she's not ready for a serious relationship.

a) If having a female friend was your last resort, and it didn't work, then she is unlikely to change her behavior. I.E., she just doesn't get it, nor does she want to get it.

2) It sounds like this woman is not the right one for you. Move on. If you are faithful, a good communicator, and considerate of others, you have a great chance of finding a woman who is right for you. By trying to make it work, you are wasting your time. I'm assuming your honesty here, so she is more likely to bounce from relationship to relationship than you are. Her loss.


Now....my own experience...

At least where I live, there is a double-standard, especially amongst younger women. Men are not supposed to have female friends, but women are allowed to have male friends. Personally, I think it's all bulls**t.

My last relationship ended because a so-called female friend sought to break us up. This person played off my ex's insecurities. My ex asked me to cut myself off from my female friends, simply because one of them made her paranoid. Now, my ex had discovered her previous ex (the father of her two sons) in bed with another woman. That's why she allowed these rumors to bother her....she didn't want a repeat. I understood that, but she couldn't handle it enough to talk about it. I was given the boot unjustly, but not before I said a few things to make her think. I know she will regret it someday, but she burned that bridge for me. Now she has to accept that I am gone forever, and it was her choice.

On my end, I learned a lesson about so-called "friends" who are really just opportunists. I also am now with a woman that I know I belong with. It's a completely different feeling than I expected, and something no one else ever made me feel. I have no doubt. Plus, she allows me to keep my friends. I allow her to do the same. Now, I shut out the distractions of the false friends. It's my own choice to do so. No one is asking me to do it.

I thought I had something else to say, but I seem to have lost my train of thought.... whoa


Well said.drinker

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 03:46 PM

It's a group of "friends" (men in this case) who agree with everything a woman thinks or says.... Let's call them The YES Men laugh

Better?


Good thing I don't know people like that.

no photo
Wed 04/13/11 03:47 PM

So what do you talk to your friends about then, if not about your relationship? Where I work that's all they talk about- kids, spouses, and relationships. And it's not just women either, so men do it too.


I'm wondering if he tells the person he's dating that he expects her not to talk to her friends about him at all?