Yes Red that is a great response!!! Very true.

I don't go looking for male friendships when I am in a relationship, but if any man asked me to give up my existing ones the answer would be....OH HELL NO!

I haven't kept the friends I have had since high school for no reason and will not get rid of them for no reason!

One of my bffs is male, the other a female, and I have had both for 20 yrs now. Neither is getting D-listed for a love interest. If I can't find a man that is secure enough to trust me with any or all of my friends than I would rather stay single. Believe me...those friends will be there when he is gone and vice versa may or may not happen.

I don't see what the big deal is. But from a guys perspective, I could see where the problem might be. When I'm in a relationship, he can talk with and hang out with who ever he wants and the same goes with me. I don't think it's fare for anyone to give up friends because they are in a relationship.

If I start dating someone and they expect me to give up/stop hanging out with my friends who are men, there's something wrong. Just as I would never ask a person I was dating to do that either.

As I digress.....the fact that one woman in my life is enough for me....to the point that i don't need female friends in my life...shouldnt disqualify my inaleiable right to bring a female friend into my life if my significant other chooses to keep close friends of the opposite sex.

These posts seem to be saying, "Well, all you need is one woman, so you shouldn't hang around more than 1. Your S.O. is different, and you shouldnt need to hang out with other women, just because she needs to hang out with other men."

I never said you shouldn't hang out with other women. I don't believe anyone has the right to tell you who to be friends with. I don't care if you're married or not, you're still free to choose your own friends. I choose to believe that humans are above animals and they can be around a member of the opposite sex without wanting to **** them, but apparently I'm in the great minority. Whatever.

No....I think most people have said if you, both of you, have had friends of the opposite sex before you got together, with no sexual attraction between each of you, you should not have to tell them to get lost because you now have a girlfriend or she has to because she is with you.

Going out and making a new "friend" because your girlfriend talks to guys who are her friends sounds juvenile to me......."If you talk to him, I am going to go out and do this!!"

Yes, this is the only thing that bothers me as well. It's one thing if you happen to have a female friend, but to go out and get one for spite is high school behavior.

why does it have to be in spite? shouldnt i be able to make a friend regardless? just say it. its ok for women, but not for men. right?

You said you make friends with women just because she makes friends with men, that, to me, is spiteful. It's one thing if you just happen to become friends with a woman naturally, but to actually go out and say "I'm going to befriend this woman just to get back at my gf/wife" not because you have common interests or just get along, only because you know it will piss off your S.O., yeah, that's not cool or mature.

You already told us that you don't make friends with women unless it's to make a point to the person you're dating. So, wouldn't that be out of spite? Remember, we can only go by what you've told us.

Define your meaning of "friend", in order to clear this up.....

Is it someone you are not sexually attracted to? Then, yes I think it is okay as long as they know it is just platonic and the significant other is introduced to them the first time you meet up.....either one of you going to a bar and meeting someone just for the heck of it? No, for either men or women.

see, i know what the women here likely think. you're thinking that men are a one way street with women. because of that, you believe that you are much more likely to be able to resist a male friend's advances....than a man can resist advancing on a female friend of his own. that's just not the way it is. whether my female friend is attractive or not, or whether i met them after the fact is irrelevant.

We might be saying that about you, because as YOU have pointed out.....you only approach a woman if you are attracted to her.

(Thank you for repeating that, Sing)

So now you're saying men can't help hitting on a hot woman no matter what?

the reason i make a friend shouldnt matter, unless that its just plain not ok for men, but acceptable for women. just go on and say it. youve already said it.

You're trying to put words in people's mouths. We're saying what we're saying, there is no "hidden meaning" and the last time I checked, I was pretty good at writing, so I know my words are clear. I've said repeatedly that I see nothing wrong with opposite sex friendships, you're the one who seems to see something wrong with them and you seem to be seeking validation for your opinion. As long as you're just friends with these women, and the same goes for your gf/wife, I don't see a problem. I don't believe in double standards, so you can stop thinking that right now. As long as you're not screwing these women or acting inappropriately it shouldn't be a problem.

i've never cheated in a relationship. never. call every woman but my main squeeze "ma'am"....just fyi. i dont put myself in a position to be attracted to someone else. cant say the same for my previous s.o.'s. and yet when i simply test them to see how they would react, they dont like it one bit.


"that's different."

Read back through this thread, quote where a person says that and provide us with their name and page number of where the post is, please.

Now I'm confused. And I hate to be confused.

my so's always say its different. not you monogomous folks.