hi everyone, thought this might be a good place for me to come, i am just having such a difficult time right now that i dont know how much more pain i can deal with

And you were doing so good, too. Hey, with stuff like that happening I can't really blame ya. This morning I was dealing with this one resident who kept wanting to do stuff for me. I just had to get out of there to cool down. She kept asking me if I was mad at her. Finally, I just said I wasn't mad at her that she was mad at me or otherwise she wouldn't just keep asking me to do things for her. Of course, she will just forget it happen because of her dementia but I thought I would give her a honest answer.



yeah i was......but i knew it could happen, so i didn't beat myself up over it.....

romeo, welcome.....whatever you need to vent about, go for it.......i'm sorry you're having such a difficult time

That might sound like a simple answer by not beating yourself over it, Amber but actually it was a big deal for me. You realize it; I have had to do that, too but it just took a longer time to get there. Being an Aquarius we have to go through this longer division process to get where a normal person would just accept it. As my ex used to say she wasn't super woman I have had to come to accept that I am not super man. As one writer once said; I can't remember who, "Cut me do I not bleed?" Which can be actually contrary to the song, "Only women bleed." If you are human you will bleed. I have had to get out of my comfort zone and ask the cognizant female residents on my floor if they have bowel movements. It came down from the new cna supervisor that we weren't charting all of bms on our asls. If there aren't any reported for a resident in three days they pumped full of laxatives until they do have a bowel movement. It kind of reminds me of a joke. This Indian chief named Bow was determined that the white man wasn't going to take any more of his land so when a white man would come up to him he would just automatically answer with the few words he knew which were, "Bow no move." So this one day this doctor came unto him and said, "How". Bow said, "Bow no move." The doctor said, "Oh, your bowels don't move." So he gave him some Ex Lax. And the doctor came back the next day to ask him if his bowels moved. Of course, the Indian only knew a few words of the white man and continued to say, "Bow, no move." So finally after upping the dose when checking the Indian each day he gave Bow a whole box of Ex Lax. So the next day the doctor asked Bow how he was doing and the Indian said, "Bow had to move because his teepee was full of crap."

well, i f**ked up big time.....apparently i am waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too screwed up in the mind to be worth anything.

What's going on Amber?

my boyfriend wants to "take a break for 90 days" because i'm struggling a little with my dbt skills

ok, i'm not so upset about ken's decision now.....i can see where he is coming from.....and i need to focus better on my dbt skills.....


i'm in the process of writing my life story down now, started this morning.....i hope to try to get it published someday in the future, at least to help some people understand the aspect of what goes on in the mind of someone who suffers from several mental illnesses....at the level where you don't have to have a degree in psychology to understand it

hmmmm.....5 days since the last post in here......i guess i'm gonna have to start posting FEED ME every day until someone else checks in

Happy Easter Amber!

why thank you!!!!! Happy Easter to you, too.

i'm doing even better with tthe temporary breakup.....inn fact, i'm in love with him nnoww for it.....he did it for my own sake, and i couldn't ask for more from him

FEED ME!!!!!!!!!


told y'all i was gonna do it......



ken called me monday, he wants to work things now, instead of later.....even wants to get involved in my treatment plan

Just getting my computer back up and running. Well, it is still in pieces but I am online. Guess I should mount the stuff back in.

Well I'm posting here for the first time. Just felt like getting a little something out.

I'm feeling a bit blue over my friends lately. I can't seem to find a place to fit in lately. With a special needs child, I can't seem to find the right type of compassionate friends that will come to us to get together so my daughter will be comfortable in her own home and be able to take her feedings and such.

My married friends had time for me after my divorce, but it's been over 2 years now and they just sort dwindled away. My single friends are either too caught up in boyfriends and such or want to go party all the time. They don't seem hip to the idea of doing things with our kids, just the normal things like go take a walk or something. A couple of my so called good friends don't return my calls for days on end.

In short, I'm feeling very taken advantage of in the friend realm. People seem to think that good 'ole Heather will just be there when they need me. I'd like to see some effort from them to be there for me.

I'm tired of always just me and the kids doing things. I love my kids, but it would be nice to have some adult interaction as well.

well you opened up....that's a great start. you have the right to feel that way. have you talked to your friends about how you feel about how are treating you?


I hope things get better for you and your children. Are there any support groups in your area for parents with special needs children?

Sorry things are hard for you, sounds like your friends are "fair weather friends" and not there in the trenches when you really need them. I wonder if you could find a support group for parents with children like your daughter and make new friends through them and come up with a good support system that way. Just a thought. I have been used by "friends" in the past and it is a bad feeling. I wish I could offer you some help. I hope things get better soon. Take care.

Wow, not much going on in here lately. I hope everyone is okay.
I have been busy working and haven't been on much. Still dealing with the computer virus and trying to get it fixed, what a pain.
Hope you all have a good rest of the weekend. Take care.

Thank you both for your kind words. Yes, I belong to support groups. There are some great people there. The only thing is, all they do is talk about their special needs kids....hehe. I love to do this as well, but the part I'm missing right now is not that part. It's the friends for me part. I'm feeling much better than I was that particular post, and this too shall pass. I basically stopped trying to contact several of my other fair weather friends, and will concentrate on the ones that realize it has to go both ways. And of course make some more along the way, which is what I really need to do. I have some girlfriends at work that I know would be much more understanding......I just need to put myself out there and start offering to get together. It just would have been so much nicer not to have to lose some of my oldest and dearest. Thank you again for replying.

I am getting a crossover cable for my two computers. I had a bad nic card and forgot that you can't use a patch cable for a crossover cable. Been at it for a while now. Yeah, computers can be aggravating when they don't work right. I hope you get rid of the virus.

Well, I took my placement test for the tech school, and aced it!


Thinking about breaking things off with Ken, tho.....still thinking about it

I am sure tech school will keep you busy enough. Aced it, huh? Hey, that is awesome.