I came, I saw and I was conquered....

I don't know what to do...stay or leave? I can take rejection but sometimes it is a bitter pill to swallow. I should be use to swallowing pills by now...I take 9 pill a day. I also have to apply a topical med that is a real pain....

Oh well, if I leave, nice to see you all again. If I stay, nevermind....

Maybe I should say on my profile I am very wealthy....would I have been rejected so many times???...

Take care all you crazies. I am leaving the site again.

Bipolar disorder is so misunderstood. To find someone to just give me a chance is near impossible. The week I have been back, I have been rejected so many times. I have been on dating sites for almost 3 years now and have had no success. The opposite is true since I was scammed a few times, had my heart broken a couple of times for no reason. Overall, it has be an abysmal failure and a horrible experience.

I am going to sound arrogant, but I don't care. I am so loving, caring and giving...very romantic, generous and kind. I am faithful and courteous and intelligent. And I am very honest and open...any question you ask me I tell the truth and will always be honest and up front.

Aren't these traits women describe as what they want in a man? I tend to my bipolar disorder myself and keep it from others as much as I can. I don't like to burden others with my problems, but sometimes I am very depressed, and people can tell. But doesn't everyone get depressed sometimes? I am open with talking about the disorder, but try to remedy it myself when I am having a rough time.

I know this sounds whiny, but I am just very frustrated now and trying to cope with the fact I may never have someone in my life until my time comes is hard to deal with. I have never been married or have kids. Those things so many people take for granted are revered by me, and I regret so much that it never happened for me. I feel like I failed God in some way.

So I say goodbye to the friends I have made here. I wish you all hapiness and future success in your lives. I don't know what will happen but right now I feel so distraught it doesn't matter. God bless and take care.

Ken

Hello Ken,


I would like to ask you one question...please?


In the three years we have 'known' each other in this alternate universe called the internet, have you not found consistently good people, to call friend?

With the same demonstrated highs and lows, heartache, joy, moods?

Have you not chuckled into your socks, at the escapades of us, when Invisible, Joel,Artgurl (Sherrie),Cutelildevilsmom (Jax), Rivame, Duncan and others ran amok in humour through the threads?

Have you not cried quietly reading Kat's open and honest rawness as she has shared parts of her life's journey?

Did you not nod sagely when Abra (James) was in the thick of intellectual debate with Oceans?

Heard AdventureBegin's inherant wisdom, as he shared in the religious threads?

Have you not learnt that there is no music produced, that Luis has not listened to, now?

Ken, we flawed humans have all shown our vulnerability....some of us have found loves, lost loves, accepted that perhaps the internet is not the place for some of us to find the one.....but we have friendship.....and it is real.



Although we cannot hold each other physically, when one of us is struggling, although we have to do our happy dances in our own loungerooms, and not together making fools of ourselves with witnesses..

What we FEEL for each other is real.

It is real...the three years of my little sojourn into this wild crazy world of online dating I would not swap for oxygen on the moon....

because I have had the honour of these beautiful people's (including you) touch my heart, and allow me into theirs.


We are not separate...we are not alone...we have each other.

Lee

I agree with Jess. Plus, I found characteristics of me that I truly enjoy and didn't even realize I still have just because I felt comfortable enough to share with the wondiferous people here.

This thread has so come in handy for people. And I have spoken with several that post here regularly. I guess it is my turn to make use of it. I have not been diagnosed with any kind of depressive malady but know that I am presently suffering from depression and am on the verge of being suicidal. My life is a total disaster. I moved over a 1000 miles to be with someone only to be dumped the day after I got here, and dumped is probably the wrong term in short I was played. This was my bad and stupidity for trusting someone. To add injury to injury I have a broken foot, can't work even if I had employment here yet, need a place to stay, and just found out that I need surgury on my broken foot. I have no insurance of course that ended when my employment did. I have no family that I can call on or friends that are in any shape to help me. And I am about at the end of my rope. thanks for letting me vent~

Des

My heart goes out too you!

I new a person last year and they moved 2 states away for the gamble of a relationship! But the roommate they were leaving caused so many problems.

The person go to were there were to start there new life, and everything was great, Then on the Sunday after only being there for 3 days they got a call from a family member telling them that there roommate well was put in the hospital.

The person was given a choice, Stay and start your life here or go back and be fooled one more time.

The person went back and it destroyed them.

I said that because, YOU are a strong person, Yes your hurting right know but you can pick yourself up, you can in a while heal your foot and your heart in time, Then start all over.

Look at it this way, what a beautiful ride you had, Maybe you were suppose to be there but for the wrong person. There is always a reason why! Something wants you there. So Don't give up quite yet. Let Faith pull you.

My ex travailed all around the western states and come to find out his soul mate was calling him, out of the blues, and he had a wife and kids! But that did not matter.. God lead him to the right women after all!

So take this in to consideration! YOUR soul mate might be trying to contact you with out you ever even know it!

give it time... stop, listen, heal and then rejuvenate yourself!

WE are all here for you!

No...you would have been treated like a commodity....a wallet....undeserving of those who would use you. Even if you were poor as dirt...you would still be loved Ken. There are those who have known you for years and wouldn't have you any other way...than being you. That funny, loving, honorable and kind familiar man you are.

Suffering depression is no cakewalk honey..I know this. I have been in that game..taking the pills gaining the weight...not knowing or understanding why. Giving that you have diabetes is another factor that is causing your depression. Taking in all the crap you have been through these past years is un-nerving in its'self. We all have stuff that we have lived and learned from Ken. You are a strong man...a kind and generous man...with much to offer a lucky woman..or any friend lucky enough to call you friend.

When I see or feel myself falling into depressed moods and thinking thoughts that bring me down..I take myself by the hand and lead me to another place in my mind and change the course. Same with my anxiety attacks...get to know the sympyoms and being aware and knowing when to take action. I do that Ken. I beleieve you can too.

You cannot possibly think you are not loved or cared about with all the friends you have made in these forums from the beginning to now. Sometimes I think having friends is more loving and right than a boyfriend or girlfriend. At least we know what to expect and know that they will be there tomorrow. We do not have to show anything...we just are who we are and like it.

I hate to see you beating yourself up over women that have hurt you. But...Ken...come on honey......take your time and don't reach out for someone without really getting to know them. There is a good woman out there who will fit right into your life and heart and you hers. You just haven't found her yet. You are still young.

So, your overweight? So what? Okay so that may be the wrong way to put it..I am too..ok? I am no spring chicken...I was thin...then not...then thin...then not...now NOT.LOL You know...if a man can't love all of me up and down what with my big butt and all...then tough titty...he isnt who I need...now is he?

I will be here for you Ken...I will always be here when you need to vent, or talk or just be silly...that is as long as I am able to type or am alive.

Besides I need someone to talk to as well. Stick around darlin....We need guys like you here.

Hugs
Kat

Oh yeah..I also completely agree with Jess...she says it so eloquently.

The love here is as real as real gets. I absolutely adore my onloine friends...and I have them. I mean the real ones who have been here for length of this reality.

I feel real fear and worry for those that I care to call friend.

Kat

That Jess is a very fantastic lady, I enjoy following her, the depth of her feelings, plus she gets a little WILD, sometimes.

Jess

Hi oldsage. Good to see you.
Yes, I just love Lee. She is adorable, smart,funny,loud, and a woman I admire.

Oddly enough, I was checking the spelling of enthusiastic and this site popped up so, naturally, I jumped in to see what it said. This definitely describes Jess for me.

"Enthusiasm is passion. Enthusiasm is living your dream. Enthusiasm is a divine energy you will feel as a reward for pursuing your dreams and staying on your own path.

Someone who is earnestly looking for his mission, discovers
it and lives it, will organize his entire life around this divine assignment. This person offers his talents to the world, betters his environment, adds his personal value to it, and ends up happy and satisfied.

The characteristics below help you recognize this person (or become one yourself!) :

1. Enthusiasm is the most obvious feature. This person lives live fully, enjoys every moment, and lives in the present, radiating a lot of self-confidence. He knows he is valid part of the universe and feels appreciated and guided.

2. This person possesses a special driving force that guides her through the roadblocks. He has access to an endless source of energy that lifts him above the masses. His energy level is much higher than average. People can notice he is being lifted up by a kind of light beam. He is very engaged, travels lightly and makes a delicate impression. He is convinced that any roadblocks can be overcome. Nothing stops him.

3. This person easily makes choices. There is something guiding the course of his life, namely his mission, which he uses as a road map to find out where to go next and with whom. He can tell good company from bad company, unimportant matters from important matters. He doesn’t lose himself in irrelevant details but remains focused on his mission. He is guided by his inner voice, his intuition.

4. He dares to take risks. He has the courage to finish the projects he started. He has the energy and wisdom to concretely manifest his ideas.

5. He possesses an extraordinary creativity, inspiring those people around him. He has the ability to create and produce. He is capable of manifesting his thoughts: what is an idea today will become real within a few months or even earlier. He makes full use of his resources. He fully realizes his psychological and spiritual potential.

6. This person has a mysterious charisma. People like to be near him, enjoy his high energy level and feel invigorated afterwards. People pick up some wisdom from him and feel better after meeting him.
7. He has an unwavering faith in the universe and in himself, as he too is part of this universe. He is aware of spiritual law and lives according to them, consciously or unconsciously. He understands how his dreams and passions are the engine of his evolution and he knows the universe is organized such that it meets his needs. First and foremost he listens to his heart and follows its directions with faith and conviction.
8. This person exhibits a high level of dedication, gets fully engaged, and knows the universe to be his biggest and best partner. He has a clear vision of his goal, does not get distracted, and uses his energy entirely towards the manifestation of his dreams. When he experiences fear, it does not paralyze him, but doubles his devotion. He knows fear is something you have to go through, he focuses on what is more important than his fear, and for this he can count on his inner strength and guidance.
9. He is original in his approach and experiences total freedom while fulfilling his mission. He is aware of the fact that he is the co-creator of his life. He is not being lived, not warming the bench, not being afraid of what’s going to hit him next. On the contrary, he reflects about his future and takes all necessary action to effectively realize his desired future.

Someone who has found his mission and takes it to heart is someone who has deciphered the secret code of the soul. And he receives the corresponding gifts: a great deal of enthusiasm, an extraordinary creativity and deep satisfaction. He accepts these gifts gracefully and gratefully, and generously offers them to other people who cross his path. He is a shining light in the life of those who are so happy to have met him.

Join the enthusiastics yourself! Become a person happy to get out of bed in the mroning, ready to go on with your mission. It’s all about finding your passion and living it out! Get out of this life of misery, do what you like, do what feels good, have faith and start finally living your real life!

Ineke Van Lint

Written by Ineke Van Lint, psychologist. Find your passion and boost your life with enthusiasm. Live your life your way, full of joy and abundance . A brand new free ebook on htpp://www.theenthusiasm.com"

Lovely....you forgot the part about complete idiot...irrational contradictions...and above all...hopping on one foot as the other is firmly planted in their gob!






Thankyou...for seeing me as you do...

(it brings to mind the lyrics from a girlfriend's song...If I could see you, the way you see yourself, I wouldn't recognise you)

Yes Ken! What Lee said!



I come for the love of friends ... and the unicycles and Rolo's of course



If you pop back in to read ... you have friends here Ken and we have been here for 3 years

My girl...one of many...Hi lovely lady...my Sherrie..heart of hearts

chirp chirp.............come on, Im as bad as anyone but 44 days w/o a post? Where the hell did everyone go?

To all my crazy friends here...thank you!!!

Just checking on you to see how you all are.

I'll stop whining...I promise!!!

(yeah, right...heard that a thousand times before....)

Greetings, I just joined the site today. I was poking around the community forums and ran into this area. So...

-I have lived with dysthymia and bouts of depression throughout my life, and only began treatment in 1987. It has helped, but I know I will never be totally "well." Currently, I am taking Cymbalta and Wellbutrin, but I want to wean myself off of them, as they would be very costly if I were to lose my low-income health care.

-I lost my husband of 26 years on 30 Mar 2008, after a long illness; I was his sole caregiver for the last several years of his life. I now realize that I suffered total caregiver burnout. Then this August, a very good friend, and potential boyfriend died suddenly at age 50. That was a total shock, and set me back quite a bit. I have found that the local Hospice has a very good bereavement program, and continue to go to group meetings with them.

Welcome to the site and sorry for your losses. You have been through so much this past year. Do your meds help at all? I am on Cymbalta and it has lost its affectiveness.

The Cymbalta still seems to work, but I am on the maximum dose: 90 mg/day. I am working with a friend who is studying traditional Chinese medicine to find some kind of alternatives.