Thanks Knightless. Thats so true--about ppl that don't want to be around someone who has lost a spouse. Actually, alot of men that I have met on this site, and another one, don't want someone who was previously married! It blows my mind! I think its not worth even taking the time to talk to them. So, it seems to be an endless search. I think I am not going to focus on finding someone right now--ya know they say when you're not looking....lol.

Its true Sage, I will not let anyone push me, especially anyone who says we are "friends". I know what it was like to have a wonderful friendship and a relationship, and I will never settle for less.

Anyway, thanks all for letting me vent, thats what I love about this part of the site. Hope everyone has a good night!

{{{{{{{{{OutandAbout}}}}}}}}} I had that SAME thing happen to me! Had someone tell me from this site that no one would want a little widowed girl because no one wants to compete with a ghost! I cried for two days feeling like I was being punished for something over which I had no control. BUT...I realized that was HIS problem, NOT mine. And...as it happens, someone found me who is in no way threatened by my being widowed. So...DON'T listen to that mess. Just do your grief work and pay no mind to someone who does not know of what they speak!

Thanks Auburn! I appreciate your words. Congrats on your "someone"!

Thanks O&A!!!!


Good Friday evening to everyone!! Hope this week has been a good one!

Awesome. See a widow or a widower knows where you are coming from because they have their own ghost to deal with. In other words it would be silly for me to be jealous of your ghost as it would be silly for you to be jealous of my ghost. It would be just as silly for me to be jealous of the love you have for your kids as it would be silly for you to be jealous of the love I have my kids. It is just an imagined fear and not a real fear at all. For me grief has actually enlarged my heart. I find it to be a byproduct of grief. Grief gave me a compassion I simply just didn't have before and it really helps me in my job and my dealings with others.

Good Monday Morning Everyone! I hope you all have a good week!


{{{{Rainbow}}}} Wonderful post! It does help that there are people out there that "get it". I can actually see how someone COULD be jealous of a deceased spouse, IF, IF, there is a shrine of sorts in the home. I can see how that would make a new person uncomfortable BUT I don't think that is the case for most widowed people, at least not after some time has passed. I know at first I did pull out just about every picture that I loved and had them all over the place, but that slowly dwindled with time.

Hello Everybody
I just have a question for all my widow and widower friends on here.
How long did it take you to feel you were ready to date again after the loss of your spouse?
Betty

I went out 6 months after Gwen's death.
Friend of friends thing.
didn't start really dating for a couple of yrs.
Was all other widows that friends knew before that.

hi Don
How was your trip? Hope you had a good time.
Did you feel at the beginning you were more ready than later?

Really took me several yrs to be sure of what I wanted.
But I had a 24/7 business that ran me.
So I might not be the best example ofthe norm.

Very little in my life has ever neen normal.

You are unique I mean that in a good way of course.

{{{{Rainbow}}}} Wonderful post! flowerforyou It does help that there are people out there that "get it". I can actually see how someone COULD be jealous of a deceased spouse, IF, IF, there is a shrine of sorts in the home. I can see how that would make a new person uncomfortable BUT I don't think that is the case for most widowed people, at least not after some time has passed. I know at first I did pull out just about every picture that I loved and had them all over the place, but that slowly dwindled with time.

I had to do a similar thing. It was her Christmas stuff that she had; The angels she had collected and her porcelain dolls that I didn't even know that she had. Something that was important to only them and you really have to figure out what to do with it. In talking with this one lady about her grand daughter and how her daughter would taking her daughter to a different location it didn't really make sense to me until I got to see my own grand daughter and how close that relationship could be. It was like "Oh, I get it." When I first started to put up a picture on another dating site I had a picture of me and my deceased. It gave me comfort just like I have the same picture on my desk. To me when I see a widowed person in a picture with their deceased I figure it must give them comfort. The way I look it is that it shows that they were once loved which would give validity to their character as a person. I told this to a friend online once and they told me that I was loved. It was something that I really needed to hear at the time. The grief takes us through stages.

Rainbow Trout Wonderful posts!!!!

Yes, it does go thru stages although sometimes not exactly in the order we've all heard. I know I was angry for a very long time. My husband NEVER did the why me, why us thing but I did. I felt like being Christians, even though I realize that doesn't exempt us from bad things happening, I felt prayer should have done more..I know don't. Finally I learned after months of watching the slowwwwwwww decline, that I had to pray for God's mercy, WHATEVER that meant.

I don't have a problem with my couple of pictures left in my house and I am not aware that anyone else does either. Again, no shrine here, but I can't pretend I didn't have a past.

Betty

Great question. For me, I had my first date at 1 year 2 months after he died. I never had that feeling that some do get of feeling as though I were cheating on him, or doing anything wrong. Have heard of many that had to work thru that feeling though. Everyone is different and grief is different for all of us. Sometimes, newly widowed people do enjoy getting out with a friend, or a group of friends, men and women, for dinner or a movie. It's a good way to slowly get them social again.

Hi Connie
It took me longer than most I guess .Iwas not even interested until about 10years down the road1 But I attribute that to the fact that following his death I had one family memeber after another die 7 to be exacT so I was in a constant state of grief.
I did experience that cheating feeling and it was hard to deal with.
All that is behind me now and I am very ready to move on ..so watch out people Here I come!!!
No stopping me now

Ok...we have been warned!!!

Well, I can see what you mean. I sort of had to intermingle dating between helping to take care of my Dad who died 18 months after husband, and then my Mom's steady decline with Altzheimers and then her passing. Those are tough days, I know what you are saying.

Yes sometimes you just have to many other things to focus.But sooner or later the time will be right

Exactly! It's different for everyone no doubt. But one can never have enough friends and getting out and doing things is a big plus in so many ways. I didn't know anyone else that was widowed, except like 80 yr olds from Church. My friends would get me out some, and that did help too.

Two years.Just decided when a new year was coming up I was going to starting that year. And here I am on Mingles 2 now. I am dating. Sure different at this age.
How has everyone been ? Haven't been on widowers in a while. Rose I hope your recovery is going smooth. Out and about your doing better and glad you are talking about things. Venting is good :)

Hi Carol! Nice to see you.